THE TTC RUT

Another thing that sucks so much about trying to have a baby for so long is how many things you put off in the hopes that you'll be pregnant soon. I have spoken about the wardrobe side of things but there is so much more you can add to that list! I like to call it living in limboland and it is a right pain because before you know it you have fallen into a rut that you just can't escape from. I'm talking about things like staying in the same job for years longer than you want to (and which you no longer enjoy) because if you leave you won't be entitled to maternity leave, so you stay and feel unfulfilled. I am not in that position myself because I like my job but I have spoken to so many woman who are. Other things like putting off overseas holidays because you have no idea whether you will be able to fly and you secretly hope you won't, so you never make that booking. Then that time comes around and you wish you had. Wanting to move house but not being able to because you need to stay close to the fertility clinic. Avoiding spending money on big ticket items because you think you will need those savings when the baby arrives. Not joining the gym or renewing your membership because you know you won't be able to go when you're pregnant but then you gain weight and don't feel as confident in yourself as you used to so your self esteem plummets. I could go on and on!  

I know in our case we ended up spending all our baby savings on a new deck out the back of our house so we no longer have any money saved for the baby! But you know what, it made us happy and I think you can only do what makes you happy at the time. Putting off life can end up leaving us in a position where we are no longer happy in ourselves because we are relying so much on getting pregnant and having a baby to make us happy. Do you think our children waiting in the wings want all that pressure on them to be the sole provider of our happiness? Or do you think they would prefer to come to a household that has alot of love to give but is also happy in and of itself? I know that it's bloody hard and it doesn't mean you shouldn't cry, beat the pillow, scream and pronounce how unfair the world is because I do! But you also need to evaluate the things in your life that you have neglected and which made you happy before you found out having a baby wasn't so easy and TTC took over your life and thoughts. It's also easy to cocoon yourself in your house and avoid the world because being faced with all those pregnant bellies and babies is just too hard and I understand that too, I really do! But it's not helpful to do that as you end up feeling even more alone. Sure, avoid the large gatherings such as baby showers and birthdays because I find that being in large gathering of babies, toddlers and parents and feeling the odd one out isn't good for my mindset. But a little one on one time with friends with babies doesn't bother me and I enjoy spending time with them. Once you take that first step you realise that it isn't as bad as you imagine it to be. It can be really hard to get out of a rut but if you do one little thing at a time you will be surprised at how much happier you feel and then when your baby does come along (and it will!) you will be a better mummy for it.