Ok, so I read an article on the web the other day that had been posted by another blogger that spoke about how infertile couples aren't bringing awareness to their cause through speaking out because people are 'ashamed' to be going through it. It also spoke about how once an infertile has a child they often turn their back on the cause and try to forget what it was like to experience it. I tend to agree with some points of this article. I understand how it is a very personal issue and in some circumstances it is in our best interests to keep it to ourselves, but I also think that we do need more people to step out of their comfort zone and bring more attention to our cause so we can achieve the healthcare that we deserve. If we don't, who will? Secondly, I do think it is sometimes forgotten about once a pregnancy is achieved and I have been hurt by this a few times.
Case in point, a couple of years ago I was really supportive of a girl I met on one of the forums I post on. She had been told devastating news and was really down in the dumps and depressed so I emailed her frequently just to make sure she was ok. Several months later she became pregnant and of course I was THRILLED for them. But after the happy news came silence. Obviously I am still on this road to parenthood myself but have I heard another word from her to ask me how I am coping? Offering support in return? No I have not. And it hurts me that I was there for them when they needed it the most, but as soon as they achieved their dream then I was immediately forgotten as they got caught up in their joyful news. I am sure I am not the only one who feels like this. I have vowed that if I achieve a pregnancy before other friends of mine in my situation, that I will never do to them what was done to me. It hurts enough to be left behind, but it hurts even more when people you considered friends don't want to be reminded of the pain they went through by continuing a relatonship with those of us still going through that pain and uphill battle of emotion every single day. Or they don't know what to say, so they chose to say nothing and leave us feeling isolated and alone. This is something I have kept inside for a long time but after I read that article I realised I needed to get it out there. Don't get me wrong, I have some wonderful friends who I have made on this journey who now have beautiful bundles of joy and are still amazing but unfortunately there are a tiny few who haven't. So when you do achieve your dream, please don't forget those of us who are still struggling. Your success is what gives us hope.
Here is the article if you're interested:
http://www.self.com/health/2010/08/breaking-the-silence-on-infertility
http://www.self.com/health/2010/08/breaking-the-silence-on-infertility
Well said Haidee, and I have to say(and I don't want to speak for everyone here cos it could be just me...)but I really honestly like it when the girls who are pregnant or have had babies on the forums pop back in to chat or see how everyone else is doing, I know some of them are worried about offending us but it actually doesn't offend me...it's just nice to know they are still thinking of you!(Jane)xx
ReplyDeleteI agree with Jane.
ReplyDeleteHaidee their is one girl on our forum that has certainly "stuck around". Even after her beautiful. Newborn is here, she has still checking in on me. And also supported newbies in similar situations to her. She is an amazing person.
Jill143
Absolutely Haidee!
ReplyDeleteYour blog resonates the exact experience i had. I'm sure when you post your BFP you will get the whole 'congratulations' stalker reply, the way i did but wonder in your head why that person or persons didn't keep up with the journey the whole way and remind us that they still care. Athena
Athena, you are definately one of my wonderful friends who has achieved her dream but still keeps in close contact and offers support continually and I appreciate it beyond words! xox
ReplyDeleteNawwwww! Thanks hon. You will never get rid of me and i'm with you all the way. I just remembered that my godsister had IVF and she now has a beautiful daughter who is 8 months old. She didn't tell anyone she was doing IVF (only the parents) It wasn't till her daughter was 6 months old that she told me and asked me to be the godmother because of what i had been through TTC. Her husband had blocked tubes and they had to operate on him to get this swimmers. Of course i accepted to be the godmother but told her off so much for keeping it secret because if anything i would have been a massive support to her during her TTC woes and IVF journey. She has adamantly sworn me to secrecy but i tell her that what she achieved with IVF is a miracle and gift and she should tell the whole world about it - not be ashamed and if anything there might be someone else out there with TTC issues who would gain that HOPE and inspiration from HER. Maybe one day she will "get it". Athena xox
ReplyDeleteWhat you said is soooo true Haidee. As another fellow poster on chat threads I felt exactly the same way. There's a number of people I thought I had become close with (in the cyberspace way :-) but yet when they went on to get pregnant not once have they come back to see how I'm going or to chat and I was hurt by that. I also feel that way about a few of my friends too although I do have some fantastic girlfriends that have been so supportive.
ReplyDeleteAs much as I hate to say it I have the tendency to be one of those people. However, it is not because I have achieved my goal of having a baby I am just very conscious of other peoples feelings don't want upset anyone or have them thinking I am rubbing the fact I have a baby in their face especially as I was able to fall pregnant without too much trouble.
ReplyDeleteI take time every day to read the AT12+ board on BC and so many times have wanted to offer the girls my support especially the ones who shared part of their TTC journey with me. I just didn't know whether or not my post would be well received.
Thank you very much for being so honest Haidee.
Gemma xx