Friday, December 31, 2010

HAPPY NEW YEARS!

Just wanted to wish you all a happy new year! I won't be having a late one tonight as the HG and I have decided to go fishing in the morning (yep, I'm going fishing! Wish me luck!) I'm a wee bit cautious about these plans given my morning sickness but it hasn't bothered me at all the last day or two which is why I have been brave enough to agree to go, but still . . . I am also cautious about this 4.30am wake up and having to ride in the boat down the hill to the beach being towed by the tractor! Given it'll be 5am though I think we should be safe! I haven't been out on the boat with the HG for yonks so I am actually quite looking forward to it and hoping to catch my very first snapper. Will be sure to take a photo if I do! Spent a couple of hours at the beach today too and got a wee bit sunburnt (lesson learnt - DO NOT let you husband apply the sunscreen! Do it yourself. I am now patchy!) Not bad enough to concern me though, should fade by tomorrow (hopefully!) 

I hope you all have far more exciting plans for ringing in the NY! For those of you who can drink, please have a glass of bubbles for me! I will toast you with my grape juice sometime tomorrow. 

And to finish off - below is a poem I found which I think is appropriate for many of you:
 
Happy New Year

If it didn't bring you joy
just leave it behind
Let's ring in the new year
with good things in mind

Let every bad memory
that brought heartache and pain
And let's turn a new leaf
with the smell of new rain

Let's forget past mistakes
making amends for this year
Sending you these greetings
to bring you hope and cheer
 
Happy New Year!
xox

See you in 2011!


Thursday, December 30, 2010

PROCRASTINATING

Sorry I have been such a slack blogger! Quite simply, I really haven't had much of interest to report! I had a wonderful Christmas with family and the MS buggered off long enough for me to have a nausea free day and eat to my hearts content, which I may have done too well as Boxing Day was a disaster! I felt so ill again and vomited my heart out (and probably most of Christmas lunch) and felt pretty darn miserable. BUT it only lasted one day and the last few have been great (phew!) on that front. I think it might actually be starting to go away which is such a relief. I know it probably irks to have someone who is pregnant and should be embracing all that comes with it including the miserable reality of MS moaning about it, but I have since learnt that it is difficult to embrace something that takes over your life and makes you feel so miserable. Having said that though, I certainly appreciate the fact that I am pregnant! I am a few days away from the second trimester now (currently 13w3d) and super excited to jump into the next part of this pregnancy and out of the critical danger zone. I don't think I am ever going to fully relax until this baby is in my arms though. 
 
I have spent the past few days really relaxing and not doing much at all except a bit of housework but it's been good and probably what my body has been craving. God knows I couldn't wait till work had finished so I could just have a break and put my feet up. Now though I am starting to get a little restless and should really tackle the spare bedroom (AKA the nursery to be) and start clearing it out but it is such a daunting task that I am procrastinating like crazy! It is currently our spare bedroom aka the HG's fishing/diving/surf gear storage room. Problem is we only have a 2 bedroom house and no storage (we don't have a garage and can't afford to build one at this time) so the task ahead of me is almost impossible. We really need to figure something out and soon. Not only that but I accumulated so much stuff when my mum died that was precious to her but I personally don't know what to do with it all. So many beautiful linens (she was really into her luxury and antique type stuff) that you couldn't possibly actually use it as it's far too nice so it sits in drawers untouched. Also scrap books of her gardens, craft ideas etc that she pored over and spent hours on that are of no interest to me particularly but I feel disloyal to part with. So hard. Anyway, I will procrastinate another day and worry about it tomorrow!
 
Oh, and a little birdie mentioned on their blog that next year is the Year of the Rabbit so I have a good feeling about 2011 and the remainder of my friends getting their long awaited BFP's!! Bring it on!

Friday, December 24, 2010

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Merry Christmas everyone! I just want to thank you all for your valuable support this year. It's sure been one hell of a rollarcoaster. 3 fresh IVF cycles in the space of 10 months - one cancelled, one BFN combined with OHSS and finally our little miracle. I have no complaints. I am just so over the moon to be having a baby at long last and to finally have my Christmas wish come true. My hope is that for all of you who are still trying to get here that 2011 will be your year and I am just fervently praying that all your dreams come true. I hope you can draw some inspiration from the fact that we got there in the end with so many obstacles - 3 years TTC, 2 ops, a blocked tube, suspected PCOS, hormone imbalance, recurring uterine polyps, 9 cycles of clomid and 3 cycles of IVF. You can do this ladies!! And on that note . . . below is a photo of my bump at 12w3d. It may look like the dog is gazing adoringly at my bump but unfortunately he is actually gazing at his Christmas stocking hanging above my head containing one giant rawhide bone wrapped in bright red wrapping paper! 

Merry Christmas and many happy returns!
I hope you all have a wonderful day!


Monday, December 20, 2010

THE GUESSING GAME

I am going to put a link to this in my side panel so everyone can have a go. Let's see who's closest when baby is born! We have to start early and all votes will need to be in by the 20 week scan as we will be finding out the sex then (if baby cooperates that is!) 

So how does it work? You comment with the following four guesses:

BABIES SEX
DATE OF DELIVERY (official due date is 4th July 2011)
TIME OF DELIVERY
WEIGHT (in pounds please, not familiar with kilos when it comes to baby weights!)

Whoever get's closest wins! I can't wait to see what everyone predicts! I might even have a go myself and see how close I am but I ALWAYS lose this game at baby showers though so don't like my chances!

I'd like to offer a prize but unfortunately being in NZ and having readers all over the world this could prove tricky . . . we'll just have to play for the title of expert guesser instead! Hehe.

Happy guessing everyone and can't wait to see what you think! Oh, and if you comment under annonymous make sure you put a name at the end so we know who you are!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

NAMES

I found a website last night in my search for a checklist online that I could tick things off and be able to refer back to time and time again without searching out a piece of paper. And since an electronic checklist removes the items that are done it makes it easier to keep track. I found one which is excellent and I found something else too and I think it has become my new addiction . . .  it is a Name Adviser and you basically type in the full name you plan to name your child and it tells you the personality traits based on the numerology of that name. I thought it sounded like fun and then I put the HG's name in and it was uncannily accurate. I then put my birth name in and again, uncannily accurate. So I put the girls name we have chosen and I loved the results of that. And then I put in the boys name. Not so much! So I spelt it slightly differently and now I don't know which sounds better. I know I shouldn't read too much into it but I have always had an interest in these things and can't help at the back of my mind taking it into consideration. So here are the two versions of the name description (with the name removed - sorry girls but the name will be a surprise!) and I'm wondering which personality traits you would prefer . . .

SPELLING 1:  

This name is highly sensitive, promotes cooperation and diplomacy, and makes everyone feel safe and appreciated. Flexible and passionate, promotes adaptability and survival against all odds. The name indicates understanding, compassion, and intimacy, and tends to draw support with tact and subtle persuasion rather than force and confrontation. Having an intuitive ability to avoid land mines and pitfalls, and a strong sense of balance, this name promotes a careful and competent decision-making process.

To some people, this name feels weak and incompetent. As a result, it is often underestimated.

Most positive characteristics: Cooperation, tact, flexibility, tolerance, insight into the human psyche.

Most negative characteristics: Fear. Lacks confidence, lacks aggressiveness when needed.

SPELLING 2: 

This name reflects drive, a pioneering spirit, leadership, independence and originality. The energy behind this name is strong and forceful and promotes an unconventional, innovative, and decisive approach. Highly focused and self-reliant, the name carries with it an unmistakable "can do" attitude. It reflects confidence, energy, strength and perseverance. There is a definite sense of danger and risk-taking as well.

This name does not inspire patience and sensitivity, and does not promote cooperation or a diplomatic approach to problem solving. Think of this name as a masculine, aggressive, creative force.

Most positive characteristics: Strength, originality, courage, imagination, creativity, confidence. Good for competitive, high-risk ventures.

Most negative characteristics: Pride, intolerance, excessive aggressiveness. Not good for people-oriented ventures or healing, counseling and retail businesses.

And for the record the girls name we like says this:

This name reflects idealism, the good of mankind. This name is the humanitarian with the power to make things happen and the integrity to stay the course. A mover and a shaker, without a selfish bone in its body; this name attracts respect, support, and devoted fans. It seems even that the Universe tends to support what the name represents. Speaks to people of all walks of life. Tolerant and broad-minded.

This name pursues goals other than money and power. It seeks justice. It wants to feed the hungry and heal the sick. And yet, the resources it needs to do the job seem to always magically appear.

Most positive characteristics: Integrity, love for all, charisma. Encourages the best in people.

Most negative characteristics: Naive, seeks fame, vulnerable to criticism, not a good judge of character.

What do you think?

Finally, since we aren't set in concrete on a boys name at the moment, we are open to suggestions! We want something that is not common but not weird either.




Friday, December 17, 2010

PERFECT!

I had my scan this morning and we have a very wriggly little bubba onboard! Bubs measured perfectly at 11w4d (so definately due 4th July 2011) and the initial tests for Downs Syndrome with the scan put us at very low risk but I still need to get the bloods to confirm. The skin fold was 0.9 and there was a very prominent nasal bone so the lady doing the scan said we are extremely low risk (PHEW!!) I am soooo relieved and amazed! The HG was just so giddy with excitement through the whole thing. The lady also kept commenting on how beautiful and perfect bubs looked. It took awhile to get all the measurements we needed as bubs wouldn't stay still and was waving and kicking around and doing somersaults. Heartbeat was recorded at 165bpm. I am so happy right now!

We are really having a baby! Wow! Maybe I can start to relax and get truly excited now! I have attached a couple of pics for you to see. Any guesses on the sex?



Thursday, December 16, 2010

FREAKIN FREAKY!

Something freaky happened last night. Or rather, I noticed something that freaked me out upon questioning the HG about it. As previously mentioned, I put the Christmas tree up on Saturday. The HG is NOT in the slightest bit interested in decorating the Christmas tree and I don't think he has ever helped me the whole time we have been together. I don't mind too much though because I am one of THOSE people who's tree needs to look just so. I start with the lights and then start hanging up the decorations stepping back every couple of minutes to see where to put the next one and to make sure there are no gaps, everything is spread out nicely and nothing is doubled up on the same branch or placed too closely together. I'm a perfectionist and decorating my tree is no different!

So imagine my surprise when I am lying on the couch and notice that the Christmas decorations have been moved around. Seriously. The first thing that occurred to me was that there were a few gaps that weren't there yesterday and then I notice that there are several branches (and when I say branch I mean a single branch, not a branch with heaps of branches coming off it - it's a fake tree BTW!) which now have two decorations on them. Huh? So I asked the HG 'What  did you do to my tree?' to which he responded with a grunt of 'Why would I touch the tree?'. Good point. I pointed out that the decorations weren't where I had put them and that they were now doubled up on branches when I hadn't done that. He then became intrigued and pointed out about 5 branches on the tree where my decorations had been moved and were now doubled up like with a ball and a star placed one after the other on the branch. I didn't do that. He didn't do that. The cat and dog certainly didn't do that and no one else has been to our house since the tree went up.

Freaky much?

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

A CAT, A DOG & A BABY . . .

I can't wait until Friday. I am just so excited to see this little baby again and make sure everything is ok so I can start showing off my bump (which is becoming impossible to hide!) and start shopping!

I put the tree up on Saturday with the help of my cat and dog (if you could call it help!). The cat basically attacked the tree and chewed on the Christmas lights and the dog just sat there staring pitifully at his Christmas stocking. He remembers that the last three years treats came out of the red stocking just like magic (and being a lab with a keen sense of smell can probably even still smell them) and so has taken it upon himself to cast surreptitious glances at said stocking combined with small cries every evening. We have given it to him to show him it's empty but even still he goes back to staring at it or moves around the tree to stare at the cats stocking. The cat on the other hand has now just taken to sleeping curled up under the tree and occasionally batting a decoration. I can't put the presents out yet because the two of them will potentially destroy them (the cat likes tearing up paper). It is certainly going to be an interesting dynamic when a baby is thrown in the mix cos these two are so used to having the run of the house.

Anyone who has pets and a child  - how did they react to the new arrival? I know we have spoilt our two but until now THEY have been our babies (hence having Christmas stockings each!). Is this going to come back to bite us?

Friday, December 10, 2010

LACKING CHRISTMAS SPIRIT

Sorry I've been so quiet. After the late night of singing and screaming at the Bon Jovi concert I came down with one hell of a cold. My body can't hack it the way it used to apparently. I took the last two days off work to recover quickly rather than risk getting sicker and I think it has done me the world of good. I feel halfway normal today!

This weekend I plan to spend quietly to avoid a relapse. I had ummed and ahhed about putting up the Christmas tree this year but have decided that I need to do it. This is a time to be happy and celebrate our last Christmas just the two of us and it doesn't seem right somehow not to put up the tree. It might help me get in the Christmas spirit that has been severely lacking. I'm not sure why it's been lacking. Previous Christmas's I spent in overload trying to be happy and full of spirit to cover the angst and pain of the holiday season without a pregnancy or baby. This year is the opposite and I think perhaps the fact I am so unorganised is what is hampering things. I'm stressed! I haven't finished my Christmas shopping, I haven't wrapped any presents and I haven't sent any Christmas cards. I think I am just so preoccupied with this upcoming scan next Friday that I can't concentrate on anything else. This is very much unlike me as I am the girl who has it all wrapped and ready by the 1st December so I can enjoy the lead up without the stress of last minute shopping. Really need to get my A into G and get this sorted so I can start to enjoy it!

Deep down I think what I am really doing is putting life on hold until this scan can confirm that we have a happy and healthy baby.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

EXHAUSTED

Wow, pregnancy really takes it out of you doesn't it?! I went to the Bon Jovi concert last night and it was fantastic! It's the second concert of his I have been to in the last 3 years (I'm a big fan!) and I had a blast. I wouldn't be surprised if our baby comes out familiar with the tunes after a night of singing, screaming and woohooing! I'm soooooo tired today though. We were home by 12am but I feel like I have been awake all night and run a marathon to boot.

The MS is FINALLY starting to ease off now (or so it seems anyway!) which I was stoked about UNTIL it occurred to me that not having morning sickness too bad anymore could be a bad sign? And then I had a little freak out! But I think I am just learning to manage it better and I am 10 weeks tomorrow which is about the stage I believe your HCG levels start to drop so hopefully that is all it is. We have two weeks until our 12 week scan and I am absolutely impatient to get to that day and see our little baby squirming away in there with a strong healthy heartbeat.

I've really popped now too, it's becoming impossible to hide the bump unless I wear very baggy tops and I tried on some pants last night with the intention of wearing them to the concert only to find they were VERY tight. Like, wear them at your own risk and split them type tight around the waistline. And my jacket that I practically live in won't do up across my belly without stretching (not a good look!) and yet another jacket won't do up across my bustline (huh?!). I brought some new tops but they make my bump very prominent and I want to wait until that 12 week scan before wearing it proudly at work as I don't want to have to explain to my clients at work if something were to go wrong (which it won't!) but you know . . . so some very strategic outfits will need to come into play over the next couple of weeks!

13 more sleeps!!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

PASSING THE CHERRY

How could I have forgotten! I was given this award the other day from the lovely BB at Single Mom 2B and thought, right I need to do this and then promptly forgot. Is it too early in the piece to claim baby brain? Anyway, thank you so much for the award!

The rules of the award are these:

1. Link back to the person who gave it to you

2. Pass it on to five (or more) other blogs

3. Leave them a comment telling them about the award

So I have given it much thought and decided to pass it on to five bloggers who have touched my heart and inspired me over the last few months and they are:

Melissa at Whole Heartedly
Foxy at Someday
Steph at Born Still

**I also want to acknowledge another dear blog friend Gurlee who just
found out she has lost her precious baby at a little over 8 weeks.
 Please stop by and offer her some love and support at Infertility Musings **



Wednesday, December 1, 2010

BROKEN RECORD

I'm a bit of a broken record at the moment, hence the sporadic posts! I took yesterday off work because I had the most awful Monday, I couldn't even keep down sips of water and was just exhausted and so sick that I decided the best thing I could do for myself would be to take a day off to rest and recuperate as clearly my body is exhausted. I spent most of the day sleeping and having the craziest dreams ever! Back to work today though unfortunately. I swear they should have a few weeks maternity leave available for the first trimester as well!

Really looking forward to the weekend as I am off to the Bon Jovi concert! I can't wait! Luckily it's in the evening which is when I'm at my best for some reason, so as long as I eat a large meal I should be ok. Fingers crossed!

Monday, November 29, 2010

UGH

I hate food at the moment. I seem to spend so much of my time occupied with thoughts of what I can possibly stomach to eat. The trouble is I crave something one day and then vomit it up and then can't stand the thought of it again. I seem to be going off everything and I am really struggling to think of food items that I can eat (especially for lunches at work). It used to be so easy to pop out for a nice filled roll or something equally healthy but you don't realise how few options you have until you aren't allowed things and I don't want to live on a diet of pies and cheeseburgers (ugh!). I just can't handle the thought of food right now whatsoever. And I don't want to be at work as for some reason my work environment really increases my morning sickness and I spend all 5 days of the working week feeling absolutely miserable. Of course I am thrilled to be pregnant but I am just so drained. Does it make sense to be happy and miserable at the same time?

Friday, November 26, 2010

FINDING OUT THE SEX

This has been the topic of much debate in my household for the last several weeks and even before we found out we were pregnant. The HG and I have very different views and have been at a loggerheads over the decision. He recently said he would go with whatever I decided I wanted to do but when I told him I wanted a surprise I could see the heartbreak written all over his face - he REALLY wants to find out. So I have changed my mind. Why? Well, the HG has been amazing throughout the last three years. He has been willing to do whatever I wanted in terms of treatment. If I told him he had to take Menevit tablets, he took them. He looked after me after my operations, after egg collections, when I cried and felt like my world was crashing down around me. And that's just in regards to the infertility. I can't even begin to tell you how wonderful he was when my mum died.

At the time we had been together for all of about two weeks. We had been hanging out as friends for about 4 weeks prior (taking things really slow given the circumstances) and he used to pick me up from the hospital and take me to his house and cook me a homecooked meal just so I wasn't eating hospital food all the time, even though the hospital was well out of the way from where he lived. At the time I felt like I was practically living at the hospital. When mum was admitted for the last time we had no idea she wouldn't be coming home at all but as things deteriorated and then she was moved to a hospice it became apparent we weren't going to have a miracle. The HG could have run the other direction - too many complications with this girl. But nope. He was amazing. When he got electrocuted (yep, he's got nine lives this one!) and was in the hospital hooked up on heart monitors just down the hall from my mum's cancer ward he didn't tell me because he didn't want to worry me. He was totally thrown in the deep end with my family, visiting the hospice while mum was on her death bed just so I could introduce him and then holding my hand throughout the funeral preparations and beyond. This is a man who had never met my family prior to this and had been in a realtionship with me for all of 2 weeks.

My mum died in July and by September he had proposed.

So, I have decided it is time for me to give something back and if he desperately wants to find out the sex of our baby at the 20 week scan (given that bubs decides to share!) so he feels he can bond and do up the nursery to his liking (he's a painter and decorator by trade and has a million ideas for a nursery) then so be it. After all, he has let me choose the names! But those dear bloggies, will remain a secret! Gotta have at least ONE surprise!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

PIKE RIVER MINERS

I realise that this has nothing to do with infertility but I have been following this story for the last few days and my heart breaks for the families and loved ones of the 29 miners who have been lost. I just felt the need to acknowledge this very sad day in NZ history. The news site Stuff summed it up the best and I have copied and pasted an extract from todays article below:

(Copied direct from here)

We said a prayer. We shed a tear. Last night hearts ached.

It will be the same today. Tomorrow . Next week. Next month ...

We will pray for 29 men who went to work and did not come home. Mates – sons, fathers, uncles, grandads – Coasters who lay together inside that foreboding chamber in the Paparoas. Pike River mine.

Men who we had not kissed, cuddled, argued or laughed with for almost a week.

Men who fate shut the door on when they merely went to work to earn a living.

They traipsed in on Friday not knowing there would be no Saturday, no Sunday, no Monday.

Now, because of the cruel hand dealt on a Wednesday, there will be no tomorrow.

One mine explosion – most likely unsurvivable. But we clung to hope. Double up – two explosions – a greater power holds the ace hand.

Twice within a week, nature's response has been devastating. Toxic gases, concussion, life-sapping forces, probably flame – certainly extreme temperatures were visited on the workforce of Pike River. At first, certainly in the first few days, for many right up until yesterday, there was hope that at least some would survive. That they would emerge to mourn with us the fate that had befallen workmates.

Then, yesterday afternoon, six days on, no time to wonder any more. Another explosion. Maybe bigger than the first. That was the end.

So we prayed, we cried for 29 men, most we didn't know. Some we had not seen for too long. No chance of righting that now.

For families who have gone through another kind of hell over the past week. Who have clung to each other and that innate trait we all need now – hope.

Families who were caught up in the web of some macabre pantomime – twice a day gathering to learn more about coalmining than they need to, who learnt nothing really from officialdom and who each day saw the sun sink lower. These are heartbroken people. And they are angry. Some may not even be sure who they are angry with, but they have just experienced disaster management by committee. No-one deserves that.

When the sun shone five days in a row on the Coast this week it was casting light on a slice of New Zealand which has suffered too many days like this: Brunner, Strongman, Cave Creek. Too many.

Stoic. Strong. Fighters. Friendly. That's what they say about Coasters. They don't know the half of it. But now they need all this and more.

We prayed for a man New Zealand has only known for a few days – Peter Whittall, a cuddly bear who has spent most of his life below ground. A man who has quietly led men and managed mines. A big man with a broken heart. Peter hired most of them, inspired all of them it seems. How did he cope with the weight of the past week on his shoulders? He stood in front of those families – and note that he stood alone – and heavy of heart told them that all those dreams that the impossible might happen, were gone.
My thoughts and those of so many others are with the families and loved ones at this devastating time.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

103 FOLLOWERS!

Wow, how did that sneak past me? Thank you so much for embracing my blog and following me on my journey to pregnancy and now beyond. I now have 103 followers and 208 FB blog fans! I have been overwhelmed by the support and love that has been shown to me since I started blogging in May and I can't thank you enough! I can only hope that those of you who are still on the journey to that elusive BFP don't have too much longer to wait - sending hugs and hope to you all!

It's still hard to believe I have crossed that line into pregnancy and have only 4 or so more weeks to endure before I enter the second trimester. I can't wait to cross that threshold now. To be honest I am actually pretty relaxed. I know that it's not a given that I am on the home run yet and we are still in the danger zone but I looked up some stats (always researching!) and according to those given my age and the fact we heard a healthy heartbeat and I have had no bleeding whatsoever, our risk of miscarriage has now dropped to about 4% so I have chosen to forget about what could go wrong and embrace it with thoughts of a happy ending. I'm starting to get really excited and talk more about 'when the baby comes . . .' and obviously freak out at the thought at the same time hence my last post! And I haven't even thought about the actual giving birth part yet (eek!) - will worry about that closer to the time! I have an exciting few weeks ahead which I am hoping will make the time go by faster. I am going to a Bon Jovi concert in two weeks time which I can't wait for and then of course Christmas is starting to sneak up on us. I just want the holidays so I can sleep! I'm sooooo tired at the moment, sleep sounds like a great plan for my holiday break (although pretty boring!). I also have my 12 week scan booked in for the 17th December so less than a month away. Plus all those Christmas parties (minus the cocktails of course). Bring it on and let the time fly by!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

FREAK OUT

The night of the scan I had a mini breakdown. I cried for about an hour and laughed inbetween (I think I was perhaps going slightly hysterical). The HG annoyed me so I locked him out of the house for about 2 minutes before I let him back in - he was highly amused and laughed at me as I threatened to deck him with the frying pan. So what started it? First of all I was feeling sad that my mum wasn't here to enjoy this with me. She would have been so very excited to become a grandmother and after such an exciting day and one filled with great relief to hear a heartbeat I was feeling emotional that she wasn't here to share it. 

So that's what started it. Then I just started getting overly emotional for no reason (pregnancy hormones maybe?!) and bawled and said to the HG that I had no idea what to do with a baby. I had a major freak out. I may have been TRYING to get pregnant all these years but I never thought BEYOND the getting pregnant part. And after seeing the heartbeat I had a 'Oh my god, we're having a baby! I don't know how to raise a baby - do you?' (this directed at the HG) moment. He was like 'Well, we raised a lab and a cat and they turned out ok (both of whom were staring up at us with hungry eyes awaiting a feed and wondering what the hell all the fuss was about) Um, I don't think a cat and a dog are quite the same thing as a baby, dear husband! Anyway, I eventually calmed down and blamed the pregnancy hormones for my outburst but truly - I have NO IDEA what to do with a baby!

I'm sure this freak out will be just the first of many!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

OUR FIRST SCAN

We have one healthy baby with a flickering heartbeat, measuring 7w2d and tucked up in a very healthy spot! We didn't get to hear the heart beat but we saw it flickering away. I have attached a photo of the scan (not that you can see much at this stage, although I can see the family resemblance . . .)

OMG - we're really going to have a baby!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

ONE MORE SLEEP!

Thanks for all your well wishes and reassurances! I am going to stop letting those negative thoughts in my head and replace them with excitement and happy thoughts for a good outcome tomorrow. We will hear out little babies heartbeat and it will be magical. I have been waiting three years for this moment and I am determined not to let fear ruin it for me. 

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

JUST TWO MORE SLEEPS!

Only 2 more sleeps until our first scan on Thursday! I'm excited but absolutely and utterly terrified at the same time. I'm so scared they won't find a baby tucked up in there. Is this normal? I know I shouldn't be thinking like that, after all my HCG levels are nice and high (Fridays BT at 6w4d was 47,662) and the MS is still awful. I have been so sick. And Saturday I slept from 10.30pm, woke at 7.30am to take my meds and went back to sleep waking up at 12.10pm! Holy moly! I NEVER do that, I'm an early riser in general and not a daytime sleeper but obviously my body needed it. So I certainly have all the symptoms of a healthy pregnancy but I'm still terrified! The HG was trying to drag me into more baby shops over the weekend but all of a sudden I've become resistant to buying anything. I just want to see that healthy heartbeat before I invest anything more into this dream. Does this make any sense?

At least I have acupuncture today which I am HOPING he will be able to do something to help me get through the days with this morning sickness. This baby must be a boy because surely a little girl wouldn't do this to her mumma . . . and besides, baby has my husbands appetite - cheeseburgers, fries, no fruit, fizzy drinks, pies . . . gotta be a boy!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

NAPPY TRAINING

THE HG'S WORK OF ART!

Neither the HG nor I have changed a nappy in our lives. Ever. Not once. We brought our first packet of nappies in the supermarket shop a few weeks ago and tonight the HG decided we needed to get one out to examine and figure out how they worked. So out came the teddy bear (we couldn't find the cat) and a good 5 minutes of hysterics as we tried to put it on. You'd think it would be easy right? Pop it between the legs and do it up? Yep, but we spent five minutes trying to remove the 'paper' to reveal the sticky bits to stick it on, only to then figure out it was velcro! We have ALOT to learn!

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

Thank you so much for all your lovely comments that were left after my last post, it was something that had been playing on my mind for quite some time and I appreciate the feedback!

I promise to start documenting more about my continuing journey into motherhood but right now . . . I'm not doing so good. I'm sorry but I have to say it and it doesn't make me any less appreciative of this precious miracle growing inside me, but I feel miserable. You'll remember me wishing for morning sickness just so I could feel pregnant. Well, I now have it. Bad. I vomited 6 times yesterday. I woke up at 4am this morning and spent a good half an hour hovering over the toilet feeling sick. This isn't much fun. I always had the rose tinted glasses view of pregnancy and I just never knew quite how debilitating morning sickness can be. And who called it morning sickness anyway?! This is all day and night sickness! I must say even when I was struggling to concieve I never got upset when reading complaints about MS because let's be honest - no one likes feeling sick to their stomach. It's not a pleasant feeling. I have found one thing that seems to ease it for longer than half an hour and that is Burger King cheeseburgers. Unfortunately the HG doesn't think BK cheeseburgers are very good for me but I tend to argue that baby very much likes BK cheeseburgers because it's the only thing that I can stomach right now. I can understand his concern but surely it's better for me to keep eating cheeseburgers that stay in my stomach than fruit that baby certainly DOES NOT like at all (must take after his daddy who doesn't eat any fruit - that's right, no fruit. Never has, never will!) and just bring it straight back up. What do you think? At least looking on the bright side of things having MS means baby is growing. I have a follow up BT tomorrow to check my rising beta and I think it'll be pretty good considering the way I am feeling. My last one was 12,654 at 5w4d and they said that was high (I checked a website that has a whole lot of average betas for different stages submitted in by thousands of woman and mine was about 5000 above the average so I was very pleased with that) I was also told by the nurse I may be able to come off the progesterone pessaries shortly! Yay!

Monday, November 8, 2010

FEELING LOST

I'm sorry I have been such a slack blogger since I got my BFP. I know it may seem a bit like I finally got pregnant and then decided to abandon my blog and all my followers but the reality is I am just feeling a bit lost. Let me explain - for sooooo long I have been 'the infertile girl' who was striving to get to the end goal. I know pretty much all there is to know about infertility treatements, the ins and outs of it all, the emotions and the angst. And now I am on the other side of the fence and I don't know what to write about. I have survivors guilt. I don't want to bombard you with stories of my morning sickness which has just kicked in, or how tired I am or how nervous I am feeling about my upcoming scan. I don't want to be insensitive to those of you still battling to get your BFP and still living the pain of IF and the uncertainty every day. I have been struggling with FB too as I know my status updates have been a bit 'baby and pregnancy' related and I always said I wasn't going to do that but at the same time I just want to embrace it. I am finally pregnant and I am excited but I am also weary of hurting anyones feelings and coming across as a 'smug' pregnant lady. 

You may also notice I have eased back on my commenting somewhat and that is because I just don't know what to say. I feel like a bit of an intruder and I can feel the pain resonating through some of the blog entries and I feel for you so much. I have offered hugs and thoughts here and there but I don't want to sound like a broken record of 'Keep trudging on because you will get there in the end and it will all be worth it!' as I know how hard that can be to hear when you just don't know whether you will get there and there is so much unknown. I know the author of those comments (myself in some cases) really does mean what they say but to an infertile it can be a comfort but also a curse as it is so scary not knowing whether that is true or not. 

So please bear with me as I try to come to terms with my newfound status and find a place for myself in the IF community. Just know my thoughts are with all of you still battling on to that elusive BFP and if you are a follower who is finding my blog too hard to read now that I am pregnant, then I will not be offended if you choose to un-follow me as I know how hard it can be and you have to do what is right for YOU.  I just thank you for all your support up to this point and wish you all well and BFP's galore!

Friday, November 5, 2010

2WW SYMPTOMS & HCG UPDATE

I've had a request to write a blog entry about what my 2WW symptoms were so here goes!

My main symptom was . . . no symptoms. I had period type cramping and that was about all! I could have sworm my period was coming but the cramping eased off to a full type feeling a few days after the positive test. The only other things I noticed were that my skin was beautiful and clear (I tend to break out in pimples at the first sign of AF arriving) and my nose randomly bled a couple of days before the test. I didn't even know that was a symptom until I posted it on my FB fan page and found out otherwise! My boobs weren't sore, I didn't feel sick (still don't) and I wasn't tired. I still don't really have those symptoms! I did feel a little bit like I had the beginnings of a cold though and my nose has stayed a bit stuffy since then on and off. So if you are in the crazy 2WW don't give up hope! It really does feel like AF and pregnancy symptoms are one and the same so don't write yourself off just because you don't FEEL pregnant because I didn't and STILL don't. GOOD LUCK!!!

I also had my third HCG test today and my levels have risen from 1036 last Friday to 12,654 today. Apparently this is really good so I am stoked. Another hurdle over, just another 6 weeks worth to go!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

CHECKING IN!

Hey Ladies, I'm still around just not much to report!

Still no sign of morning sickness, still not tired, still no other pregnancy symptoms to speak of . . . I actually want to start feeling nauseous soon just to FEEL preggers (as crazy as that sounds!) I am now 5 weeks and 1 day. Our first scan is scheduled for the 18th November when I am 7 weeks and 3 days pregnant. Seems sooooo far away! In the meantime trying to take each day at a time and avoid thinking something is going to go wrong. I got the info pack from the clinic today about pregnancy after infertility and how it's totally normal for woman to always be thinking the worst because they want to protect themselves. I'm trying not to though, I promise! One day at a time and happy thoughts . . .

Hope to have some more of you girls joining me soon!

Sunday, October 31, 2010

WHAT DID I DO DIFFERENTLY?

A few of you have asked me what I did differently this cycle than last and whether I think it made a difference. Well, for a start I didn't overstimulate this time with my IVF cycle so when the embryo was put back it was into a much better environment. Last time it was a 4AA blastie that was put back (the best quality) BUT I was bleeding internally, swollen and had alot of fluid which I really think contributed to it not sticking. This time there was no OHSS so I felt so much healthier and it was actually a day 3 embryo and not a blastie that was replaced which I was initially disappointed with but now I am just in awe! 

Other things I did differently were:

#1 - I started writing this blog after the last failure and I really think it helped my mindset. I have felt like a new woman in many ways since I started blogging and getting the thoughts off my chest and not keeping them bottled up. I also think it opened the door for the grieving process for my mum to come to fruition as writing about it made me realise I still hadn't grieved her death properly. So much healthier emotionally!

#2 - I purchased a Preparing for Pregnancy hypnotherapy track that helped keep me relaxed and feeling positive. I mostly listened to it the week leading up to egg collection, inbetween EC and transfer and in the 2WW which kept some of the negative thoughts at bay.

#3 - I drank my smoothie every night! You can find the recipe here.

#4 - I took elevit and fish oil tablets (but I did that last time too)

#5 - I did acupuncture fortnightly.

#6 - (And probably the biggest change) I rested up on modified bedrest (ie. the couch!) for 3 days after transfer.Last time I launched straight back into work but this time I didn't. 

#7 - I was on progynova as well as progesterone as I told my FS that I felt I had a progesterone issue due to charting and so he went with what I said and added that in too for after transfer support.

But in reality, it was probably just that my embryo was a really good quality one just waiting for a nice cushiony lining to attach itself to! 

GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF YOU STILL BATTLING TO GET THERE! I have faith that you will achieve your dreams too. It's still early days for me aswell but I'm feeling confident about this little bub sticking around. I can finally see myself holding a baby in my arms and I feel this is a great sign!

Friday, October 29, 2010

EMBRACING IT

I'm embracing my pregnancy now (still feels weird to be saying 'pregnancy' and 'my' in the same sentence!). The HG and I just realised that worrying and wrapping ourselves in cotton wool to avoid getting to carried away and then having our hearts broken was the wrong approach. There would be no avoiding getting our hearts broken either way, so we are just going to embrace it and get excited. We went supermarket shopping tonight and brought our very first pack of nappies! We were so lost - we stared at those nappies and didn't have the faintest which ones we were supposed to be buying! Who knew there were so many different types to choose from! In the end we just grabbed a 30 pack labeled Newborn and hoped for the best. We decided we would get one or two items every shop so that it wouldn't cost us so much closer to the time. I then carried on around the corner and then realised the HG wasn't with me only to backtrack and find him still examining the baby aisle! So cute. He's being a tad over protective of me but I think it's rather sweet. I wasn't even allowed to unload the trolley (not that I'm complaining!) or do vacuuming, hang out the washing, lift the washing basket or put away dishes that require reaching up or down. Hmm . . . I could get used to this!

Also, I had my follow up HCG BT today and my levels are up from 193 on Monday to 1036 today which the nurse said is rising nicely. I went to acupuncture and had a pregnancy boosting treatment and then this weekend I have a huge chicken and vegie soup simmering in the crock pot to get all the extra goodness and a whole lot of relaxing and socialising (translate: celebrating!) to do. 

Hope you all have a fabulous weekend!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

SURVIVING THE FIRST TRIMESTER!

I'm so nervous. Now that the euphoria has settled down somewhat I am just a touch anxious about getting through this first trimester without any mishaps. First goal is getting good follow up BT results on Friday, then of course that first scan at 6 weeks and then that magical 12 week mark. I know it isn't a guaruntee once you get there but I think I'll be able to relax just a tad more! Does anyone know anything that can help prevent miscarriage? I'm eating so super healthy and have acupuncture lined up for Friday. Have been feeling a wee start of morning sickness (yesterday felt really quite crook in the arvo!) but nothing today (probably because I got some crackers to munch on whenever I felt hungry) but the sore boobs are starting to kick in. I've had some cramping (more sharp pains occasionally that come and go) but nothing I'm too concerned about. I've heard cramping/pains can be quite normal - if you've experienced it please reassure me! 

Any first few weeks survival tips/stories most welcome!! 

PS: I also want to apologise for being so slack in the second half of ICLW! Sorry gals, promise to double the commenting next month!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

STILL IN UTTER SHOCK!

So I totally did not sleep well last night. I was lying in bed wired and didn't drift off until about 1am. Just totally still in utter shock and sooooo excited! I have NO IDEA what to do now. I don't know what foods I'm supposed to avoid, what happens next, what activities I need to avoid doing . . . me know nothing! I have concentrated solely on getting pregnant for so long that I am not sure what to do with myself now I am. I have already got a midwife thanks to a referral (apparently she is the most in demand so I got in super early and she happens to live 3 doors down the road from me! How convenient is that!) as I was told by another friend that they are so in demand you need to get in the second you find out. So I did. Felt weird ringing a midwife! I have another BT on Friday and then I assume a first scan around Monday 8th November (which right now seems a million years away!) I still have no symptoms except a full, crampy feeling and perfect skin. Hope the morning sickness stays away too! A girl can dream!

I am so overwhelmed by all the messages of congratulations. I had no idea I had touch so many lives over the last 3 years to have such a huge response. I was in tears reading through all the messages and cannot tell you how much they all mean to me. I read them out to the HG last night and we were both just amazed with the response. I had nearly 600 hits on my blog yesterday alone! Wow. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

To those of you who are still going through this - please don't give up! I will be beside you every step of the way!

And remember - AF type cramps don't mean nothing!

Monday, October 25, 2010

HPT PHOTO

As promised! Not as dark as it might have been if I hadn't drunk so much water to make myself capable of POAS (peeing on a stick for those of you who wonder what POAS means!) but dark enough for me! And I just discovered that berry smoothies and me no longer go together. Hmm . . .

THE RESULTS ARE IN

I GOT MY BFP!!!!!!

Holy crap! We are in total shock and I am feeling slightly manic! After 3 long years and 3 IVF cycles I can finally say I'm pregnant! The nurse rang and I was shaking so much when she told me it was a positive. She told me all these instructions and info that I'll have to call her tomorrow about because I didn't hear a word of it! The only part I remember is that my HcG is a nice strong 193 and I am due early July. I ran out the back door in tears  and the HG thought it was a negative before I yelled 'I'm PREGNANT' to which he screamed and hugged me and we danced around the backyard in shock and laughter. Before we told anyone we raced off to get a stick to pee on and of course I didn't feel like going to the toilet so I drank about a dozen huge glasses of water and at 3pm this afternoon STILL got a beautiful strong second line! Will post a pic later.

OMG OMG OMG!!!!

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU 
FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!
 
Especially to my beautiful BC girls who have been my rock every step of the way. 
I could not have done it without you!
Holy shit, I'm freakin pregnant!!!!!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

ONE MORE SLEEP!

That's right ladies, just one more night to go! There is nothing more I can do and nothing can change the outcome. I have done everything I can to get a positive result (including resting up for three days after transfer) and if it didn't stick then it wasn't meant to be. I can't make an embryo that wasn't destined to become a baby, become a baby, no matter what I do.

I really don't know whether I am or I'm not. It's tough this not knowing, it's beginning to feel like being stuck in limbo. I know tomorrow is going to be tough if it's a BFN. I'll be devastated. BUT, I'll get back up again, climb back on the bandwagon and keep going because I can't NOT be a mum. This is our dream and we will achieve it one way or another. I have come to the acceptance that we may only be able to have one child and that's ok with us. 

My inkling is that it will be another BFN but perhaps that is because BFN's are all I have ever known during this long and torturous 3 year quest to motherhood. I could be wrong. I hope I'm wrong!

So in advance - THANK YOU for all of your well wishes and support! I promise I will be back to update you tomorrow one way or another.  It is either going to be an incredible high or an incredible low. Please keep your fingers crossed for us!

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