The night of the scan I had a mini breakdown. I cried for about an hour and laughed inbetween (I think I was perhaps going slightly hysterical). The HG annoyed me so I locked him out of the house for about 2 minutes before I let him back in - he was highly amused and laughed at me as I threatened to deck him with the frying pan. So what started it? First of all I was feeling sad that my mum wasn't here to enjoy this with me. She would have been so very excited to become a grandmother and after such an exciting day and one filled with great relief to hear a heartbeat I was feeling emotional that she wasn't here to share it.
So that's what started it. Then I just started getting overly emotional for no reason (pregnancy hormones maybe?!) and bawled and said to the HG that I had no idea what to do with a baby. I had a major freak out. I may have been TRYING to get pregnant all these years but I never thought BEYOND the getting pregnant part. And after seeing the heartbeat I had a 'Oh my god, we're having a baby! I don't know how to raise a baby - do you?' (this directed at the HG) moment. He was like 'Well, we raised a lab and a cat and they turned out ok (both of whom were staring up at us with hungry eyes awaiting a feed and wondering what the hell all the fuss was about) Um, I don't think a cat and a dog are quite the same thing as a baby, dear husband! Anyway, I eventually calmed down and blamed the pregnancy hormones for my outburst but truly - I have NO IDEA what to do with a baby!
I'm sure this freak out will be just the first of many!
Lol, not actually laughing at you, but it is a bit funny! I've got heaps of nieces and nephews and had heaps to do with babies before patrick and I still had moments of panic before he was born! Rest assured though that once your precious bubba is here, you will know what to do! Before you leave hospital you will have learnt the necessary things and the rest you'll work out as you go along! All a baby needs is food, warmth, sleep and nappy changed. Your mum will be so proud of you xx
ReplyDeleteHere's my ten cents worth - hold that baby as much as you can. You deserve that baby so much! If anyone tells you that you will spoil it, don't believe them. Pick it up when it cries, baby's always need or want something when they cry (as do big people!)
ReplyDeleteYour freak out is totally normal! We get so focussed on 'getting there' that when it actually happens for real, it's a huge shift in thinking and lifestyle. But now you've got 8 or so months to get your brain wrapped around it, and trust me, even at the end (I'm days away from meeting our Halfling now) it still seems surreal.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I was given a very important piece of advice not long ago. Babies don't know if you're making mistakes. They don't know any different. Just do your best, you'll learn right along with the baby.
I was 19 when I had my daughter. I hadn't even held a baby before having her. Shes made it to 13 and although there are days I don't think she will reach 14 she is a fit and healthy young person even if she has the typical teenage attitude. You will be inundated with so much advice and help that you will eventually want it to stop. Nerves are huge but have you ever in your life not faced a challenge or some uncertainty. You started ivf with a very uncertain outcome yet you did it. Same with a baby. You don't know all the hows and whys but you will look back and see how it all fit into place just like the ivf you have just been thru. Look after yourself.
ReplyDeletelol! It's ok - there will be more freakouts, I promise! It's just beginning! :)
ReplyDeleteSorry, this made me laugh out loud. There will be many more pregnancy meltdowns to come. I couldn't get through a damn Hallmark commercial without welling up!
ReplyDeleteI love that you are both humorous about it. This will definitely carry you through those turbulant moments. All normal, dear!
awww haidee, that is perfectly normal, I was exactly the same! I started crying when i was shopping one day because I didn't know whether to buy 0000 or 000 size clothes and thought I was going to be a terrible mother! I felt the sam, so mauch time spent trying to get pregnant then wondering how the hell I was going to figure the whole thing out! You will have hard days, but you can't have fabulous days without a few crappy ones along the way. As Mrs Gamgee said, babies don't know if you are making a mistake :) You will both be fantastic parents!! Take care.
ReplyDeleteI'm also thrilled to say that my last day of my 2ww also yeilded me a BFP last week!!
Ha!! Welcome to being pregnant luv!! It's completely normal to bawl your eyes out for NO reason and even laugh at yourself at the same time. So goodluck to your other half as it can go either way. With me I went so vague and mental I allowed him to attend a state of origin party at a beachfront mansion, with halftime ent of strippers and I happily picked him up in a gutter at 2am when I was heavily preg. Now Im not preg, there's no way in this lifetime he would dare to go to something like that! Tell him this story as it's not all bad for them!
ReplyDeleteHahaha. I am a NICU nurse, and at 37 weeks pregnant had this exact freak-out, and yes, I work with babies full-time! It's normal, and you'll feel your way through it. You don't know that you have the instincts but you do. Your pediatrician expects lots of phone calls from new parents, and no doubt, you will be calling. Hold that baby tight and give it all the love you have, know it's ok to put it down in it's crib or bassinet and walk away for a few minutes if you're stressed and need to regroup. And you'll have people around you ready to help if you need it. Congratulations! Happy ICLW!
ReplyDeleteYep, this is the first freakout of many. HUGE congrats to you on your little bean after 3 IVF cycles, that is amazing!! I also love your optimism.
ReplyDelete**Happy ICLW**
Many congratulations on a successful IVF!! I'm always ecstatic to see others with a successful IVF (like my own!). There will probably be other moments of freaking out, but you can do it!!
ReplyDeleteStopping by via ICLW!
Stopping by for ICLW - LOVE your blog name :) Also I wish you much luck and health through your pregnancy...I doubt ANYONE ever feels ready - don't know if that helps... <3 Congrats on a heartbeat <3
ReplyDeleteHoney you are going to be an awesome mama! I had the boys for the weekend and it came so naturally. I came home burst into tears and said to Chippie I am going to be so good so when is this going to happen. I think it will be just natural for you and you had a great teacher in your own mama. She will be guiding you every step of the way looking down on you and will be there in spirit. And seriously if you can look after your dog and cat with love then imagine the love you will have to your children?
ReplyDeleteSo funny! After such a long hard road it really does start to seem like it could never happen. Sometimes I lose sight of the fact that all my treatment COULD result in a baby. It's rather a bizarre concept at this point.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your pregnancy! It is very common to freak out at this time. Before I got pregnant, I always assumed I would just be blissfully happy for nine months. After I got pregnant, I realized that was when the anxiety REALLY started! Luckily, you will have lots of time to get used to the idea of having a baby!
ReplyDelete*~*Happy ICLW*~* Seriously.... freak outs are good. Means you are thinking of what is to come, and you are preparing yourself. Your mind, your body.... your.... sanity! Teehee.... You may not know what to do with that awesome little bundle you are growing inside you right now, but you have these major instincts that will kick in when you hold that precious gift. Congrats... big HUGE congrats!!!
ReplyDeleteYup, this is a normal feeling! At least I hope so. I remember exactly that-we tried for so long, what the heck were we thinking?
ReplyDeleteYou'll figure it out and be fine. Congratulations on your growing miracle! Happy ICLW :-)
Congratualtions on the pregnancy and the heartbeat ! This is so exciting !
ReplyDeleteIt's enough to become a bit emotional and hysteric to me. I would be a nervous wreck.
Happy ICLW
Hi
ReplyDeleteFound your blog via ICLW Nov. Week!
Congrats on your pregnancy! I think it's GREAT NZ has a Government Funded IVF Treatment Program? I so wish we had that here in the US!
Looking forward to following your blog!
The C's
Congratulations! What a wonderful thing to see the heartbeat!!
ReplyDeleteICLW
Hi there and Happy ICLW! I love your story. I've just started this messy adventure and really appreciate the success stories out there. Congrats and good luck!!
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