I'm sorry I have been such a slack blogger since I got my BFP. I know it may seem a bit like I finally got pregnant and then decided to abandon my blog and all my followers but the reality is I am just feeling a bit lost. Let me explain - for sooooo long I have been 'the infertile girl' who was striving to get to the end goal. I know pretty much all there is to know about infertility treatements, the ins and outs of it all, the emotions and the angst. And now I am on the other side of the fence and I don't know what to write about. I have survivors guilt. I don't want to bombard you with stories of my morning sickness which has just kicked in, or how tired I am or how nervous I am feeling about my upcoming scan. I don't want to be insensitive to those of you still battling to get your BFP and still living the pain of IF and the uncertainty every day. I have been struggling with FB too as I know my status updates have been a bit 'baby and pregnancy' related and I always said I wasn't going to do that but at the same time I just want to embrace it. I am finally pregnant and I am excited but I am also weary of hurting anyones feelings and coming across as a 'smug' pregnant lady.
You may also notice I have eased back on my commenting somewhat and that is because I just don't know what to say. I feel like a bit of an intruder and I can feel the pain resonating through some of the blog entries and I feel for you so much. I have offered hugs and thoughts here and there but I don't want to sound like a broken record of 'Keep trudging on because you will get there in the end and it will all be worth it!' as I know how hard that can be to hear when you just don't know whether you will get there and there is so much unknown. I know the author of those comments (myself in some cases) really does mean what they say but to an infertile it can be a comfort but also a curse as it is so scary not knowing whether that is true or not.
So please bear with me as I try to come to terms with my newfound status and find a place for myself in the IF community. Just know my thoughts are with all of you still battling on to that elusive BFP and if you are a follower who is finding my blog too hard to read now that I am pregnant, then I will not be offended if you choose to un-follow me as I know how hard it can be and you have to do what is right for YOU. I just thank you for all your support up to this point and wish you all well and BFP's galore!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJRzBpFjJS8
ReplyDeleteHave you seen this video? It is so great!!
You being pregnant gives me hope that it will happen for me one day :)
oh girl, You deserve to be over the moon with happiness and excitement over this pregnancy. For me, reading stories of success is all that keeps me going at times. So please keep writing, about every little detail of this wonderful beautiful experience. Let us live vicariously thru you and fill our minds with the love and joy you feel.
ReplyDeleteI won't lie, and you know only too well that commenting can be hard, I find myself unable to comment on pregnant blogs at certain times, but I love reading, and I love knowing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel - at least for some of us.
Congratulations to you - and best of luck as your journey continues!
xoxo - Foxy
Please go ahead and shout it out from the roof top!! You deserve it!!
ReplyDeleteI've been struggling with similar feelings, but I feel like we deserve to enjoy our hard-fought pregnancies. I also wish everyone the best and understand if they can't follow my blog anymore, but I think that a blog should be what WE need it to be, not what we think others need to read.
ReplyDeleteI have just recently had the devistating blow of a BFN after our first round of IVF/ICSI treatment, but at the same time I am happy for everyone else who is pregnant... because as you said I will get my BFP one day!!! and you deserve to be happy too regardless of what anyone else thinks :)
ReplyDeleteIt must be hard Haidee, I guess for me I haven't suffered infertility so I just want to hear all the ins and outs of this pregnancy and how you're feeling!! I totally understand why you feel a little guilty about it all though but I guess at the end of the day you're all striving to get that BFP so you should most definitely embrace it and celebrate it. It's what you've worked so hard for.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who just got their first BFN I find it really comforting to hear from people who have been through years of this and have had a good outcome.
ReplyDeleteI have always been really positive about IVF - and because the fertility issue is with DH not me I am confident we will get a BFP with a couple of tries.
But with the reality of my BFN setting in there are doubts starting in my mind about how long we might be on this journey. So it helps to know that no matter how long it might take there is hope.
I also like that you are a wealth of knowledge. I think people like you who have been through so much should post more as you are the ones with all the knowledge about what to expect.
Dont feel bad for wanting to stay involved...even if people do feel a little upset, the reality check is good sometimes. I certainly needed one.
It must be very hard for you but you deserve just as much as anyone to be raving about your pregnancy. You have waited so long hunni. Make sure you enjoy it because it does go so fast!!!! Love Katrina xxoo
ReplyDeleteHugs. Haidee this is the other side of IF that they don't tell you about until you are there. We feel such happiness to be pregnant, and yet such anxiety. I felt a real disconnect to my first pregnancy although this one is a little better. It's like it doesn't seem real after everything we have been through, and we are too scared to get hopeful or excited about it. IF doesn't leave you.
ReplyDeleteI actually wrote about this exact thing on my blog last night, and there are alot of articles out there discussing anxiety and pregnancy after IVF. (http://morebananas.blogspot.com/) -there is a link to one on there that explains it all a bit better.
Be kind to yourself, go with your feelings, and just know that you are not alone.
Thanks Janet! This article explains it PERFECTLY http://invitrofertilitygoddess.com/2007/05/11/ivf-pregnancy-is-it-a-worry/
ReplyDeleteWelcome to PG after IF! I struggled with this (and still do with C being 14months now) It's hard moving on and leaving precious friends behind especially after they were so supportive and understanding. I still try to connnect with people still experiencing IF but sometimes i don't know whether i'm coming across as smug. All i want to do is show support or some kind of positive visualisation or simply to offer hope. In the end, you have to be happy for your PG and be acknowledged for your struggles, you've earned it.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel and have been reluctant to post any blog updates lately for the same reason. I do think that people who struggle with IF often feel happy for others that have also struggled. I know I often felt more excitement for women in my support group that had success with treatments than other women in my life who concieved naturally.
ReplyDeleteI also welcomed that kind of good news from IFs because if another IF could get pregnant, then maybe it meant I also had a chance at getting pregnant.
Enjoy your good news, and take it one day at a time!
I can completely relate. I have only known that I'm pregnant for a week but I feel like a traitor to my IF friends. You said it perfectly, survivors guilt is exactly how I feel too!
ReplyDeleteIt takes a while to adjust when you 'cross over'... but that doesn't mean that you still don't have valuable things to say, and need support from this community. When you're ready, know that we are out here, ready to listen and cheer you on!
ReplyDeleteI can imagine it would be a strange and new thing for you to face Haidee. But I for one still want to hear all about your experiences now that you're pregnant! It is so worth it after all you have been through to get there, so please don't stop posting or commenting.
ReplyDeleteYou are my inspiration. The goal for all of us is to have a baby, and being pregnant is part of that struggle. If I'm allowed to complain about the injections, then you're allowed to complain about morning sickness.
ReplyDeletePlease, fill us in on everything you're thinking and feeling.