"Courage doesn't mean that you are fearless,
it means that you are strong enough to keep on going,
even when things are tough"
I'm feeling sad today. Not so much for myself as for friends who haven't had a good run lately and for them my heart aches. Unfortunately getting pregnant isn't easy for some of us. Someone asked me today when I mentioned I had been suffering a bit of anxiety lately leading up to this next cycle 'Why don't you just try the traditional way?' Um . . . hello?! Do you not think we have tried that already!! We are doing IVF as it is our last resort - not because we are impatient (although by this time we are and have a right to be!) but because we have tried and not succeeded with every other option and don't want to wait forever to have a child.
For every year I don't get pregnant I grieve just a little bit more for the plan I had in mind for the shape of my family that just isn't going to be. We wanted to have two children but we have since realised that financially we will only be able to have one due to the cost of IVF. Unless a miracle occurs, our little family we always dreamt of just isn't going to happen. And for that I also grieve. We had big dreams of having a fun, loving and rowdy household with little kids running around laughing, our own little family Christmas traditions, the traditional hectic family life. Instead our house is quiet . . . too quiet at times. Especially after returning home from visiting friends or family who do have little children. The house echos in the silence of a childless house, always a reminder of what we are missing out on. I really don't mean for this post to sound negative but this is how it is for us. We spend so long being poked and prodded with IVF and other procedures but in the long run there are no guaruntees . . . sometimes some of us won't even get to the point of having a chance of being pregnant from these procedures. We have put all our heart, soul, hope and money into fertility treatment but sometimes procedures get cancelled for various reasons or things don't go to plan or it just doesn't work. And every time we try and fail a little more of us breaks inside . . . but over time we get back up and carry on because we want what everyone else has. A family. And we will keep going until for some reason we are no longer able to. So ladies, we aren't alone, each of us is on our own personal journey's but we are all in it together.
Cling to that little piece of hope with both hands and run with it.