I have had a fantastic weekend losing myself in movies and books and not thinking about TTC at all! I have been drinking coffee, eating decadent foods and drinking sparkling wine. It has been so refreshing and I have decided that if this next IVF cycle doesn't work then I want to take a years break from the whole darn thing. Having said that though, I could change my mind once I get back into the swing of things, but quite frankly I am not feeling overly excited about my next IVF cycle either. I think that's why I am really struggling to get into the pre-conception swing of things with my coffee cut back, healthy eating, acupuncture etc. I'm just not that into it. By no means have I given up or feel like it is no longer what I want. I do! But this TTC road is exhausting. You live and breathe trying to get pregnant. Everything you do, the decisions you make, the way you live, the money you save, the things you eat and drink is all consumed with your TTC effort and I just want to remember what life was like BEFORE TTC took over my life. I don't want to be poked and prodded, injecting myself day and night and feeling miserable from all the drugs.
We are closing in on the three year mark in January 2011 and I think a years break from it all to concentrate on other areas of my life that have been neglected could be in order. When I say break, I more or less mean from the fertility treatment circus, including all alternative medicines but not preventing altogether (who knows, a miracle could occur!) I want to drink three coffee's a day and not feel guilty. I want a glass or two of wine with dinner and maybe more when I feel like it. I want a spa on the deck to drink my wine in. I want to go overseas on holiday with my husband, buy nice clothes and go out without feeling like I should be saving my money or spending it trying to get pregnant. I want to have fun and be normal, not the girl who can't get pregnant who everyone feels sorry for. I just want to be me again.
here here! Sounds like a plan to me :) I have felt 1000 times better over the past few months that we have put TTC on the back burner and with moving, building a new house, getting new jobs etc, i really don't mind if we don't concieve in the next year either.(But of course would be absolutely ecstatic if we did!) Fertility treatment is tough and it does totally consume you, i think a year off to eat, drink and do what you want could only be a positive thing.
ReplyDeleteHell, I've even come to the realisation over the past month that if we can't have kids, then I'm okay with that too- as long as i have my wonderful husband by my side, kids would just be an added bonus... SS xx
Hey hang in there! It's a bloody long hard, and sometimes miserable road, but when you are holding that tiny miracle in your arms it makes it all worth while!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about 'the one everyone feels sorry for', and when everyone tiptoes around the issue it get extremely frustrating and even worse when they try to 'cheer you up' with the story of a 'friend of a friend' who had failed IVF then had a miracle conception of their own.
I'm heading down the same track for no2 at the end of the year, I'm not sure if having been there already and knowing what I'm in for will make it any easier or not, but It's definitely worth it.
I wish you and your husband all the luck in the world on your next cycle and I've my fingers crossed for a BFP for you X
AJ
Go for it Haidee my love. This whole thing is starting to get very BORING! Love your blog :)
ReplyDeleteYou passion sound exactly like what your mum was like and she would have probably done what you have said. Not that I knew her but I feel that I found out a lot from her self description and you sound like a "dreamer", like her. I wish I had half your passion.
ReplyDeleteJill143