I only have one day left on these drugs and then hopefully my period decides to behave itself and show up within a few days as required so I can finally ring up the nurse at my clinic and pronounce my Day 1! I'm excited but realise that I have also been procrastinating. I was hoping for another cycle after this one before we started and was irrationally freaked out when I found out my FS wanted to start me straight away. Since then I have been going a bit mad trying to cram everything I wanted to do to prepare into two weeks instead of five. I went back to acu and have another appointment today, I got into the smoothies, I have been walking like crazy and trying to eat healthy. And yesterday I didn't even have a decaf! I read on one of the forums I frequent that even decaf isn't a good substitute for coffee where infertility is concerned, so I have decided to limit myself to one a week (a girls gotta have some treats right?!) So, a couple of days from now I should be on my way! I'm freaking out! As previously mentioned, this is our last government funded IVF cycle. From here on in it gets super expensive to access fertility treatment in NZ. Upwards from $12,000 per IVF cycle! I think the reason I was happy meandering along was because as long as that cycle is still looming there is still hope. I'm scared to travel down this path towards that unexpected result. Will it be my much longed for BFP or a heartbreaking BFN? Will I get frosties? Will this work or am I soon going to be contemplating where to from here and how to even begin to afford anymore treatments? Do I give up and pursue adoption or do I take out a crazy loan and carry on toward our dream while getting us into debt at the same time? Aaaggghhh. So damn scary! I hate surprises and I hate not knowing what's going to happen. I would quite happily carry on down this road I've been on for the last few months if I had a choice, holding onto that hope rather than facing it full on. Does that sound crazy or completely understandable? I am excited, don't get me wrong, but I am also petrified!
Every cycle is terrifying and yet filled with hope. Let's take it one day at a time and hope for the best. It's great that you've managed to get your ducks in a row before starting your cycle. It's one of the only ways to stay sane.
ReplyDeleteYou are SOOO at that point where you can just taste the anticipation of a perfect cycle aren't you? I wish you the best of luck for a BFP next month!
ReplyDeleteICLW #77
Sending you baby prayers!
ReplyDeleteBooks...hmmm. What else do you like to read (other than vamps and werewolves, obviously)?
Thanks for visiting my blog. You've given me some decorating ideas--I love what you've done with your page!!
ReplyDeleteI hope this cycle is the winning one. Fingers crossed!!
I can really identify with your "The Green Eyed Monster" post. We live in baby heaven and it's non-stop baby strollers down our street. Great for when it's our turn, dreadful until the time comes. Hang in there. You are in good green company.
I am petrified every single day. It's all the not knowing that drives me batty, too!
ReplyDeleteHi, I'm curious about your smoothie recipe! Where did you get it? I'd love to give it a try
ReplyDeleteI can certainly understand the "meandering along" - it's nice to know there's still another chance ahead. Gotta have a reserve of hope to stay sane.
ReplyDeleteOooohh, exciting and scary all at once isn't it? I can't believe it is so expensive to do ivf in NZ once you've done all your freebies. I feel very lucky in Australia that we pay so little compared to some countries. Anyway, my fingers and toes are crossed that this will be the successful cycle and you'll also get some frosties for further down the track. xxoo
ReplyDeleteI can totally understand you situation. We have already spent close to $40,000 on treatment and it is so hard to know when to stop, as we do not have unlimited financial resources. It is wonderful that you do get some covered cycles. Crossing my fingers and toes that this is it for you!! Wishing you the best of luck.
ReplyDelete~ICWL #146~
BEST of luck to you on this IVF cycle! I will keep my fingers crossed that you have better response to the meds! I LOVE your blog name!! Too adorable! I'm a new follower!! Looking forward to reading about your BFP!!
ReplyDeleteICLW #55
I think it's completely understandable, to not want to face it and face the possibility of it failing!
ReplyDeleteI wish they funded IVF here in Aus, we get part back from medi.care but we're still paying thousands out of pocket after the rebates.
Bets of luck to you, Ill be eagerly waiting to hear of your success!
Good luck Haidee, still stalking and still hoping and praying for you. This is it and take it a day at a time. Don't allow yourself to be consumed with the what if's and what's down the track. Concentrate on the now and this cycle. Athena xox
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