I only have one day left on these drugs and then hopefully my period decides to behave itself and show up within a few days as required so I can finally ring up the nurse at my clinic and pronounce my Day 1! I'm excited but realise that I have also been procrastinating. I was hoping for another cycle after this one before we started and was irrationally freaked out when I found out my FS wanted to start me straight away. Since then I have been going a bit mad trying to cram everything I wanted to do to prepare into two weeks instead of five. I went back to acu and have another appointment today, I got into the smoothies, I have been walking like crazy and trying to eat healthy. And yesterday I didn't even have a decaf! I read on one of the forums I frequent that even decaf isn't a good substitute for coffee where infertility is concerned, so I have decided to limit myself to one a week (a girls gotta have some treats right?!) So, a couple of days from now I should be on my way! I'm freaking out! As previously mentioned, this is our last government funded IVF cycle. From here on in it gets super expensive to access fertility treatment in NZ. Upwards from $12,000 per IVF cycle! I think the reason I was happy meandering along was because as long as that cycle is still looming there is still hope. I'm scared to travel down this path towards that unexpected result. Will it be my much longed for BFP or a heartbreaking BFN? Will I get frosties? Will this work or am I soon going to be contemplating where to from here and how to even begin to afford anymore treatments? Do I give up and pursue adoption or do I take out a crazy loan and carry on toward our dream while getting us into debt at the same time? Aaaggghhh. So damn scary! I hate surprises and I hate not knowing what's going to happen. I would quite happily carry on down this road I've been on for the last few months if I had a choice, holding onto that hope rather than facing it full on. Does that sound crazy or completely understandable? I am excited, don't get me wrong, but I am also petrified!