I admit it. As much as I hate to be that jealous girl sitting in the corner I sometimes can't help myself. Everywhere I go these days I seem to see baby bumps and babies and toddlers and children. They're everywhere I go and I can't seem to get away from them. I sat in the car yesterday waiting for the HG to come out of the sporting goods store (safer to stay in the car where I can't be talked into buying him some fishing related gear that he has a million of already) and everywhere I looked were families - parents and their teenagers, a mother pushing a stroller, a dad carrying a tired toddler, a mum with three young kids pushing and shoving one another as they walked across the carpark. It made me truly realise just how much I am in the minority. Having kids is so normal. And easy it seems. Except for me. Sometimes I feel like that even though I know it isn't true but sometimes you do feel so isolated. I said to my husband today that the reason insurance companies don't always cover infertility (and none of them do in New Zealand) was because even though infertility has been recognised as a disease by the World Health Organisation it was considered a 'lifestyle' choice whether to have children and therefore it is not covered, as having children is not considered a health 'necessity'. It doesn't seem to take into account the fact that the same amount of depression is seem in woman with infertility as cancer patients. My husband then responded 'but if you don't have kids to keep the world populated then what else is there?' What else indeed!
It can be so hard being 'that' childless couple. Facebook can be equally as hard to cope with for an infertile. I love Facebook and find it wonderful for staying in touch with my friends and family and finding out what everyone is up to these days but every day it seems there are new pregnancy announcements to endure (not that I'm not happy for them as I have spoken about before but once again sad for me) and especially when you are getting lapped over and over again by woman who got pregnant with their first while you were trying and are now announcing there second. Blah. I hate being a green eyed monster but MY TURN ALREADY!
It can be so hard being 'that' childless couple. Facebook can be equally as hard to cope with for an infertile. I love Facebook and find it wonderful for staying in touch with my friends and family and finding out what everyone is up to these days but every day it seems there are new pregnancy announcements to endure (not that I'm not happy for them as I have spoken about before but once again sad for me) and especially when you are getting lapped over and over again by woman who got pregnant with their first while you were trying and are now announcing there second. Blah. I hate being a green eyed monster but MY TURN ALREADY!
hello from ICLW!... i get so frustrated that infertility isn't considered a true health need and kids are a lifestyle choice.infertility IS a disease in my opinion and i wish there was more funding for research on it. i understand that its usually not a life-threatening condition, but it you're right, it does cause depression and anxiety and thus i think it should be recognized better. glad that new zealand has some public funding! best of luck.
ReplyDeleteI find it intriguing that many insurance companies will cover the cost of meds for erectile dysfunction, but not for IF. A sad state of affairs.
ReplyDeleteHellow from ICLW my darling friend. Can this count as my #6? Honey that green eyed monster is in all of us and it wont go away till we have our own babies in our arms. kisses!
ReplyDeleteICWL #160
My thoughts EXACTLY! I have been TCC for nearly two years. I am currently having all the primary infertility tests to see what is going on. So far I have discovered that I have fibroids in my uterus. I am having an hysterosalpingogram today. I am just so sick of waiting for my turn! I totally torture myself every day with Facebook, admiring everyone's gorgeous babies and wishing it was me who was posting pictures. Why do I do it?? I have loved babies and everything about babies since I was a little girl and always thought I would be a Mum. It wasn't meant to be this hard, surely!
ReplyDeleteAnd, to top it all off, I am a child care worker who works in the babies room! I LOVE my job, but often wonder if some parents cherish their children enough (some are in care from 8am-5.30pm 5 days a week). I know if I had a baby then I would not want to be away from him for that long.
Anyway, that's my rant over. I wish you so much luck!!!!!
Ironically that feeling of isolation is one that all IF people share. Thankfully we have these wonderful blogs like yours to connect all of us and not feel so alone.
ReplyDeleteThank you for stopping by mine! Happy ICLW.
ICLW#31
I completely understand where you're coming from. Even though I am totally OK with not conceiving (even though it has taken like 6 years to get here), I still get jealous of the same things. And, the FaceBookers who only post about their pregnancies or kids - have a couple of posts about that here: http://fertilityfoibles.blogspot.com/2010/06/family-vacation-photos-make-me-want-to.html
ReplyDeleteI love this post! I know EXACTLY what you mean. I feel this way when The Hubs and I are out shopping and I see families everywhere I turn. I feel so conspicuous, as though people look at me and say to themselves "ah, yes...there she is, that INFERTILE. How dare she show her face in public?!". And Facebook is just as bad. I think every person I went to school with has children now and I'm still trying and getting nowhere fast. I can so relate to this post!
ReplyDeleteHappy ICLW! (I'm a new follower!)
It's not jealousy it's just the desire of your heart to be a mom. Your reward will be so fantastic come next June. I start my stimulation meds on 9/5 so we are in this together.
ReplyDeleteI hear you. I think the worst is when I see mothers who do nothing but complain about their children. Don't they realise how lucky they are?
ReplyDeleteI agree Dandle Dreams, I totally agree. I hear a lot of complaining in my line of work, or parents who just can't 'cope' with two children!
ReplyDeleteHey I completely understand what you're saying cos I feel all those exact same things. I just hope you realise how much it helps us (the women that are following your blog) because it helps us to realise that our thoughts and feelings about all this are not crazy cos many of us feel the same way. You're helping us, and we're all behind you 100% hoping that soon you'll get to be a mumma. I'm so pleased that you've created this awesome format for sharing and supporting each other.
ReplyDeleteThis is why I hate Facebook... I'm so rarely on anymore, and then when I do check, it's like a baby museum with all the pictures of ultrasounds or baby pictures or people talking about their kids. Geez, enough already! Yuck.
ReplyDeleteICLW #86
Oh god facebook can be deadly. Especially when people have u/s pics as their profile picture so it pops up in your newsfeed all.the.time.
ReplyDeleteI struggle with a lot of jealousy too, I think it's part and parcel of being in the ALI 'club'.
Hunni, i know what you mean about Facebook, when i was trying month in month out with DS2 the one thing that hurt the most was FB and people announcing they were PG and seeing ultrasound pics, wondering when it will be my turn..This time round my profile pic is of me and my DH and i have not once uploaded an ultrasound pic of this bubba i could never hurt or disrespect you or my other AT 12+ BC friends, i love you all to much and i understand the pain... I prey everyday your dream of becoming a mother isnt to far away, i could not think of a better person to become a mummy, you will be wonderful.
ReplyDeleteC xox
Sometimes, I think my envy is the worst part of this journey. It makes me feel small and petty. :(
ReplyDeleteICLW