Tuesday, September 21, 2010


Today I came across this post on 'The Infertility Doula' one of the many blogs I follow that really resonated with me. We are all going through the same struggle and yet there ARE hidden lines even within the infertility community between the different groups - IUI vs IVF, first vs secondary infertility, those who concieved first IVF cycle vs those who took more than one attempt to get their BFP and the list goes on. You only need to go on infertility forums to also notice the invisible lines forming. I thought it was a fantastic post and full of truths that we don't like to admit. I will step up and admit that I am jealous of those woman who are lucky enough to concieve first IVF cycle. Do I think they are any less 'deserving'? Of course not! I think we are all as deserving as one another to have a baby. But I do think once you have tried and failed an IVF attempt you do go into a slightly different category on a subconcious level as you have then experienced the pain of an IVF cycle NOT working and the crushing hope that comes with it. We all want to think we will be one of the lucky ones but when it doesn't happen the pain of failing what is supposed to be a 'miracle' cure is heartbreaking. Sometimes I feel like I am right back at the beginning of TTC up against the girls who concieve first month trying! Infertility is a funny thing - it really can make us into a green eyed monster! Albeit a nice green eyed monster who is still happy for everyone but so incredibly sad for themselves!

Every day I take some time to read some of the other infertility blogs that I have discovered since I started blogging. They are blogs written by woman all over the world who all have one thing in common - their struggle to become a mother. We all have different roads to travel to get there - some are shorter than others, some start younger than others, some take invasive treatments while others are less invasive. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I might shed a tear, sometimes I nod along in agreement and sometimes (and I love these times the most!) I get to offer my congratulations to couples who finally achieve their miracle. 
This is my third month of doing ICLW (International Comment Leaving Week) and I look forward to it every month in anticipation of the fantastic woman I will meet, all on their own journey's to motherhood (if you are not a blogger yourself but are interested in reading some of these amazing blogs you can click on the red ICLW logo on the right and get taken to the list) Next month ICLW will fall around the time I find out what the results of this IVF cycle are and hopefully it will be an exciting time full of promise!
Happy commenting week everyone!


  1. Thank you for the shout-out and for commenting! And stupid me pressed "delete" instead of "publish." Argh!Anyhow, I still had it in my email so I copy and pasted your sweet comment. Sorry again. And next month's ICLW, I look forward to reading about your good news. Fingers crossed!!

  2. I have loved reading your blogs and find myself nodding along with this latest edition (as well as previous blogs). I think infertility has turned me into a green eyed monster. While I still enjoy hearing good news, I always find myself wondering when (if ever) it will be my turn. We are relatively new to ART after TTC for two years. We are days away from our first cycle of IVF and I’m crossing my fingers we are successful but still have doubt in the back of my mind after two years of failures. I can’t wait to get going and find myself counting down the days to my first FSH injection even though I don’t like needles. I truly hope all goes well with your cycle and look forward to reading about your successful attempt!

  3. I hope October is good to you. This is my first time ICLW and I am so excited to see who I meet.

    I definitely see the hidden lines and know just what your talking about. But we all are connected by our comment struggle to be mothers. I am thankful that I have found some blogs that really help me and give me hope.

  4. Nice to meet you! All the best for the future :) xxx

  5. Oh this whole post just sums up how I feel right now. But you are so much more eloquent than I am :)
    I love ICLW too! xxx

  6. You are so right. The lines are there and even though we all love each other and support each other there are differences. I know sometimes I hesitate to comment on blogs who are have had several IVF's because ours worked the first time and I don't want to seem like I don't understand. I do, but at the same time maybe I don't. And that's the line. There comes more and more understanding the more you have in common with someone.

    ICLW :)

  7. Also, I am now following on google and wishing you tons of luck on your next IVF cycle!!

  8. Your post rings so true, my tendency towards jealousy has increased over the years that I have been TTC. I am less inclined to gush with congratulations when I hear about people getting pregnant than I was 2.5 years ago - EXCEPT when I know that person has struggled with infertility, even people I only "know" through reading their blog. It just feels like there is a kinship among those of us that struggle with IF. In the back of my mind, it is also reassuring to hear stories about women that went through treatments and actually had success with them - because maybe it can happen for me too!

    ICLW #75

  9. The further along I get in this process, the harder I find it to be happy for others... it's not that I DON'T want them to succeed, it's just that I have no room to cheer for them anymore because I'm filled with my failures.

    And the further along I get, whether it's good or bad, the more I find myself categorizing those in the IF boat.

  10. Happy ICLW!!!

    I found IF blogging a few months ago and the support I have gotten after joining ICLW is amazing!!!

    Good luck with your next IVF!!

    ICLW #100

  11. I wanted to thank you for this post, and for linking to The Infertility Doula. Both posts really made me think about how I draw the line for myself and make myself feel alone in my IF journey. Reading your post made me realize that even though I may feel jealous sometimes, I can choose to focus on what I have in common with other women in IF-land, rather than what is different about our stories. So thanks for sharing so candidly.

    And I hope your next IVF cycle is the one for you!

    (ICLW 123)

  12. I found your blog on the ICLW list and I'm so glad I did! I totally agree with you about the invisible lines that form even amongst all of us IF'ers who are struggling toward the same goal. I find myself victim to the "green-eyed monster" way too often--of course I'm happy for them, but when will it be my turn?

    Hopefully the next ICLW will roll around with both of us blogging about pregnancy after IVF!

  13. Yes, and I feel like the "further" I get on this IF journey the more potentially isolating it is. Isolated is a strong word....maybe lonely is better...simply because there are fewer people in the same position. When I first got diagnosed I could easily relate to anyone dealing with IF, particularly MFI, etc. But now I'm with you in the multiple IVF club, and we are a smaller group.

    That said, I am so thankful for this community. I don't really feel alone, because I have formed relationships that have stuck around even as people have gotten BFPs, or our diagnoses or situations have changed. And most days the IF bond alone is all it takes to reach out to one another :)

    All the best to you on IVF #3 - I hope it brings you your miracle!! I'm starting stims for IVF #3 in a couple weeks.


  14. I know exactly what you mean by invisible lines and I know mine form (out of my control) the second someone gets a positive test or good adoption news these days. It sucks and I wish I could just shut off that jealous part of my brain but I can't. Hopefully, I'll be jealous of you soon. :)

    Happy ICLW!

  15. I love this post!

    Happy ICLW!#41

  16. I love your blog :o)

  17. It's interesting how everything becomes relative based on our experience. I read about a girl going thru iui's and thought about how I always believed that would be our answer. I thought that was as far as we'd go. I got jealous that it worked for her. Green eyed monster.

  18. A wonderful post. I also read the post you mentioned and loved it. This is an important part of the IF/pregnancy loss blog community and I'm glad people are acknowledging it. Being someone who had an "easy" time of it (one year of trying naturally and one ectopic pregnancy) I've always felt like I didn't "deserve" to be a part of this community, like I was trying to fit in with people who didn't really want me around. 99% of that was most likely my own issues and insecurities, but 1% was based in reality. I'm not trying to act like I haven't harbored the green eyed monster, because he is a regular guest at my house, but recognizing that reality is very important. Thank you very much for writing this post. It was very much appreciated.

    Esperanza (ICLW #95) @ esperanzasays.wordpress.com

    PS - I'm having a book giveaway this Friday. I hope you can check it out!

  19. Thanks for sharing. I loved this post
    ~Stopping by for ICLW #69