Do you sometimes feel like pregnancy is something that happens to other people? Even though you are going through all these treatments to get pregnant, do you feel like it's never going to happen? Can you picture yourself with a baby bump and holding a baby? This is something I struggle with. I catch my thoughts wandering off in the direction of thinking about what we are going to do next cycle or how we're going to source the money for more treatment or pondering adoption . . . and we haven't even finished this cycle yet! It's not done in a negative thought capacity but rather I don't conciously realise what I am thinking until I catch myself. Last cycle I was all caught up in the idea of being pregnant at Christmas, but this cycle I'll be thinking about what we want to do over the Christmas holidays and then suddenly realise I could be pregnant so I shouldn't make any plans because I have no idea how I'll be feeling - whether I'll be one of the lucky ones who doesn't get morning sickness or whether I'll be sick as a dog. Last cycle I was convinced IVF was going to be the magic cure to my infertility but now I think I am taking it to the opposite extreme. I think I am being too realistic instead of letting my dreams get carried away from me. I don't feel it's a negative thing though as I still have alot of HOPE for this cycle. Maybe it's just a sign of having been there and failed once already.
So today is day 2 of my injections for down reg. I know in some countries you sniff drugs for this part but in NZ we inject (not to be confused with stims which I haven't got to yet) I have to do them at 6.30am because I leave for work at that time and it needs to be done at the same time every day (hence the weekend early wake up calls!) and then when I do start the stims I will do those at night, while carrying on the down reg jabs in the mornings. I don't actually mind injecting myself, it might seem weird but it makes me feel like I'm DOING something rather than just waiting for something to happen. I stop the pill next Thursday and have a blood test to check I'm down regulated on the 28th September and then the good stuff starts on the 30th. Time is going so fast!
And on a positive note, I feel a million times better today! Yay!
I feel the same way about the injects. It almost feels good to be doing something. I am doing down-reg. injections right now too.. I am on Day 7, suppression check is Saturday.
ReplyDeleteHoping this is it for us both!
this process is so trying on emotions--should we be optimistic and picture ourselves with a baby buggy? or, will that just jinx us? i hate it. i feel like i'm constantly preparing myself for bad news while trying to remain positive. how does one do that???
ReplyDeletep.s. i always love that your posts are dated a day ahead (of california) because it means i'm that much closer to the weekend
Yes! I do feel that way! When we were going through our IVF I kept thinking about the cycles that would follow, hardly pausing to consider that I might actually get pregnant from IVF. Now that I am (barely), my mind still isn't considering that I might get to bring home a baby in May. It's funny that we do all of this with the goal of getting pregnant, but we don't really consider it a possibility...
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping this IVF cycle is your lucky one and that you are pregnant at Christmas :)!