I've been so relaxed the last few weeks that this anxiety I am feeling tonight is totally unfamiliar. Last cycle I was full of anxiety as a constant but this time I am determined not to allow myself to get that way again as I feel it's detrimental to what we are trying to achieve. I know what triggered it too.
The HG had a work function today and because he is a leading hand it's important that he is there from start to finish and socialising with his workers and networking with the bosses (he's a painter and decorator) I rang him as a reminder at 2pm when it was starting to tell him not to drink too much and get carried away. Anyway, of course he gets beer poured down him and although he swore he'd had no more than 4 pints when I saw him at the pub he seemed slightly drunk to me. And now he rang to say he's only drinking light beer but still! I'm anxious. I feel bad because our fertility problems have nothing to do with the poor bloke (all me!) His sperm analysis came back fantastic with a capital F. But still, I feel like he should be looking at the bigger picture and not even be touching beer. Sure, one or two is ok but he just seems to be brushing my concerns aside. I'm feeling pretty upset right now and anxious that this could be detrimental to our end results. And worried that if I get another BFN I could feel resentful and wonder if it was his fault. I know in a way that isn't fair but I have given up so bloody much to conceive a baby so we can have a family and the one thing he needs to do for me is to cut out the alcohol and he isn't even doing that. I'm not even sure it would make any difference given that the sperm we will be using would have been made three months ago but . . . . AAAGGGHHH! I just didn't need the added worry with all that's going on right now and all that weighs on the outcome of this last public cycle. Especially when we can't afford anymore. I'm just so disappointed in him.
I'm also upset I have allowed myself to get wound up over something that probably appears so trivial but this IVF cycle could be our last chance and I'm terrified of blowing it, although I try not to allow those thoughts into my head! Am I overreacting?
The HG had a work function today and because he is a leading hand it's important that he is there from start to finish and socialising with his workers and networking with the bosses (he's a painter and decorator) I rang him as a reminder at 2pm when it was starting to tell him not to drink too much and get carried away. Anyway, of course he gets beer poured down him and although he swore he'd had no more than 4 pints when I saw him at the pub he seemed slightly drunk to me. And now he rang to say he's only drinking light beer but still! I'm anxious. I feel bad because our fertility problems have nothing to do with the poor bloke (all me!) His sperm analysis came back fantastic with a capital F. But still, I feel like he should be looking at the bigger picture and not even be touching beer. Sure, one or two is ok but he just seems to be brushing my concerns aside. I'm feeling pretty upset right now and anxious that this could be detrimental to our end results. And worried that if I get another BFN I could feel resentful and wonder if it was his fault. I know in a way that isn't fair but I have given up so bloody much to conceive a baby so we can have a family and the one thing he needs to do for me is to cut out the alcohol and he isn't even doing that. I'm not even sure it would make any difference given that the sperm we will be using would have been made three months ago but . . . . AAAGGGHHH! I just didn't need the added worry with all that's going on right now and all that weighs on the outcome of this last public cycle. Especially when we can't afford anymore. I'm just so disappointed in him.
I'm also upset I have allowed myself to get wound up over something that probably appears so trivial but this IVF cycle could be our last chance and I'm terrified of blowing it, although I try not to allow those thoughts into my head! Am I overreacting?
Definitely not overreacting babe...I'd be the same. Wait, I was the same, haha! Though different for me as our problem was sperm related (as you know), so I guess it didn't take much convincing to get him to abstain from drinking. Does he know just how much it upsets you that he isn't trying to stop drinking when you are putting yourself through so much to have a baby? Maybe he doesn't realise the extent to which it hurts you, I don't know. It really shouldn't matter whose specific fertility issue it is anyway...you're in this together, so it's "our" problem, not "my" problem (I know you know that too)! So don't beat yourself up about it. I'd just gently let him know (when he's sober) that it has really hurt your feelings that he didn't limit his drinking, and that, ideally, you'd actually like him to stop while you're doing IVF, if not for healthy sperm, then at least in solidarity with you!
ReplyDeleteHugs babe. It's a tough one. Us girls have to do all the yucky bits, and we put on such a brave face while doing it that sometimes our men don't realise that it actually is hard work for us and we need their support.
Hope you find that calmness again! Mwah. xoxoxo
I don't think you're overreacting because this process does sometimes feel one-sided--in that the woman is usually stuck with the meds and all their effects. I have been so jealous of my husband because he can still run and workout while I "take it easy". But, I try to remind myself that he would take on treatment any day if he could. He would ensure 100 shots a day if it meant that I wouldn't have to. Men are in a tough position with all of this and they handle it very differently than we do.
ReplyDeleteHey hon,
ReplyDeleteYou have every right to be worried and upset, I would be too!You can't help but want everything to go well and to DO everything you can to get there. BUT...seeing as it's done and you can't change it, take a big breath and keep going chick because I think it's more important that you are feeling stressfree and not anxious, and as you pointed out it it probably wont actually make a difference!In fact maybe it's what he needed to do to have a little blowout and now you can both 100% focus on whats coming up! Jane xxx
You are not overreacting!!! I always feel the same way with my hubby. He doesn’t seem to think it will affect the outcome but it's always on the back of my mind. We are taking three months off to hopefully help his sperm quality. I am praying that he takes it serious or else I think I might always blame him if it doesn't work. Try to talk to your hubby and let him know how you feel to help alleviate your stress! That is the last thing you need…
ReplyDeleteOh Haidee darling girl. It is so normal to feel that anxiety. Once that IVF ball rolls on it is you that is doing anything and sometimes they just feel that they can cruise through. There is supposedly nothing wrong with me but I have cut out alcohol and doing everything I can so why can't they? You have a right to be pissed but make sure when you tell him that it doesn't come off confrontational otherwise it goes down like a bag of dog poo. Big hugs honey. Maintain that lovely state you have been in. xxxxx
ReplyDeleteYour blog is beautiful! I think these types of husband-wife conflicts (like about the drinking and level of sacrifice involved) are very common, so don't despair! Hang in there and best of luck with your cycle!
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