FINALLY TIME FOR THE FUN PART!

I start the puregon tonight! Finally! I feel a bit like it has taken forever to get to this point but by the same token it also seems to have come about really quickly. My first BT is on Tuesday to check how I am responding and what my E2 levels are up to (last time they were ok for the first BT and then went crazy afterwards so hoping for a more steady rise this time) so until then I won't have much to contribute. Still feeling pretty tired and headachy today which isn't cool but I am really hoping the stims will balance things out in my body a bit more. 

Let the fun stuff begin!

I was also tagged by a fellow blogger a few days back to answer a bunch of questions and I haven't got around to it until now. So here goes:

(1) What is your dream occupation?
I would love to be a digital designer but as I am a perfectionist I fear I would spend too long fiddling around with different shades of the same colour for hours on end and never complete anything!

(2) What is the best dish you can cook?
Does baking count? If so I discovered a chocolate cake in a recipe book a few years back that is DELICIOUS and I have adapted as my own and is certainly my signature dish/cake. I get requests for it all the time and as I LOVE to bake I don't mind! I find it great for easing stress. As for actually cooking? Not something I enjoy and you'll most likely find me in the kitchen cooking a 'just add sauce out of a jar' type meal.

(3) Have you ever been mentioned in a newspaper?
Yes, I was dux of my high school so was mentioned in several papers for that achievement. Having said that though, if you knew my high school you'd know it wasn't such a feat! Enough said.

(4) What's the worst and most memorable job you ever had?
I don't know about the worst but the most memorable was definately spending a summer working as a camp counsellor at an American Summer Camp in the US. As I'm a Kiwi gal this was quite an adventure for me! Can't say I'm used to chipmunks in my sleeping bag . . . or having a tarantula lurking in a roll of paper in the arts and crafts room I worked in! Not to mention the food! I put on about 5kg in 8 weeks!

(5) When you were a teenager, at what age did you envision yourself getting married? How old were you in reality when you got married?
I can't say I really envisioned myself getting married when I was in high school! It just wasn't on my mind. I wanted to travel the world a be independant and I guess marriage was something to think about later in life. In reality I got married at 23! My mum dying changed my whole outlook on life.

(6) What’s your most hated household chore? What’s your favourite?
Is it really possible to have a favourite household chore? I hate all housework! No favourite here but I hate changing the sheets the most - I know that sounds silly but it's such a mission getting the duvet back in the cover, I hate it!

(7) What’s your earliest memory?
Being a bridesmaid at my mum and step-dads wedding and not being allowed Coke at the reception in case I spilled it on my white lacy bridesmaid dress! My step sister was about 7 (I was about 4, neraly 5) and she was allowed but I wasn't and I was outraged!

And so it's my turn to tag some of my fellow bloggers! If it's not your cup of tea then don't worry about it but I'll put it out there!

So I'm tagging three bloggers:

Sarah @ The Rocky Road to Motherhood
Cortney @ Inconcievable
B35 @ The Journey to Our Three Little Kilos

I'll shake it up a bit and mix the questions up with a couple of new ones so they are:

(1) When you were a teenager, at what age did you envision yourself getting married? How old were you in reality when you got married?

(2) What is your all time favourite TV series and why?

(3) What is your earliest memory?

(4) Who is your biggest inspiration?

(5) Which country would you love to visit?

(6) In a past life you think you were . . .?

(7) How many kids do you want and has that changed through IF?

FEELING FLAT

I had acupuncture today and now I'm feeling pretty flat and a wee bit down. I thought I was in a  much better position this time around healthwise but apparently my energy levels are at zilch. And energy is required to make healthy eggs. But where does that leave me when my tiredness and lack of energy isn't due to anything I can control and is actually down to the fact that I can't sleep without dreaming? Last night I spent all night in my dreams running away from a gunman out to kill me. What for I don't know, but needless to say I was pretty darn tired when I woke up! And the daylight savings changes doesn't help things either.

In better news, the nurse rang me to tell me my BT results were perfect and I'm now down regulated and I am to start my puregon on Thursday night. Actually the words she used were 'You are to start your tiny dosage of 75iu on Thursday night'. Talk about reiterating it! I KNOW it is a tiny dosage and every nurse at the clinic I come into contact with is quick to remind me of that fact which just adds to my paranoia that I am going to jab myself and nothing is going to happen. Especially since my 'energy' levels are zilch.

Here come the nerves!!

MIND & BODY CONNECTION

I know I've already done one blog entry today but I got to thinking about this and wanted to write about it and see what everyone else thinks. You read all these articles about the whole mind/body connection in the success of IVF. Apparently studies show that those who practice this have better success than those who don't. How much do you believe state of mind can impact your chances of success with IVF? Or do you believe that whether the cycle succeeds or fails has nothing whatsoever to do with our mindset?

I have spoken about how last cycle I self-sabotaged after I found out we had no frosties. I was devastated to go from 14 embryos on Day 3 to only one on Day 5. I spent the majority of the 2WW crying, convinced within days of transfer that it was useless. My friends and family would call me to ask how I was getting on and I would be continually telling them I was sure it hadn't worked. I didn't possess an ounce of positivity and the result reflected that.

This time I have the opposite attitude. I am determined not to allow myself to go down that path again. Those who walked with me last time have commented numerous times on how much more relaxed and positive I have been this time around. I have been listening to a hypnotherapy track I brought online and it is FANTASTIC. It is a 30 minute track that takes you through deep breathing exercises into a state of relaxation until you are fully relaxed and hypnotised before giving you positive affirmations for pre-conception -  being accepting of it, believing it can happen, knowing your body is healthy and capable of carrying a baby to term. I'm not sure if I am really hypnotised or not but I am certainly relaxed and it is like having someone whisper to you that you can do this. It's great. But will it make a difference?

What do you think? Is there a connection?

SHE ARRIVED!

Well, I needn't have worried because pretty much as soon as I posted my blog query I started getting cramping and sure enough she had arrived by 9.30pm. Yay! One less thing to worry about. Bring on the stims! I'm rearing to get started now. I was saying to the HG yesterday that I think I am more nervous about egg collection this time than I was last cycle because I know just what to expect. And it ain't pleasant! In NZ if you are doing a govt funded cycle then you are awake for the whole thing. Of course they stick a needle in your hand to administer some painkillers and give you an oxygen mask but I swear it did NOTHING for me last time. It started off ok but by the end I was shaking with pain and it was awful. Then I nearly passed out getting up and needed to take some deep breaths before being wheeled back to my cubicle in a wheelchair! How embarrassing! Folllowed of course by 5 days recovery. So of course, having that experience to fall back on, egg collection is not on my list of things I want to repeat. But we do what we have to do and hopefully with a lower dosage we'll get less eggs which in turn will make the procedure less painful. Here's hoping!

Thanks to everyone who replied to my query and commented on my new hair colour! It has actually already started fading from a deep red to a reddy brown and I love it! Nothing like a change to put a spring in your step. I highly recommend it!

MY NEW LOOK

I took the plunge and instead of brunette (as originally planned!) I ended up a redhead! What the hell, it's nice to try something different and it'll fade over time. And I got the chop too! So I have a new look for the Spring and my upcoming pregnancy. Because this IS going to work. I am going to get pregnant and have a happy and healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. I am!

I must confess though that I am starting to get a wee bit nervous! This time around I am going to be on only 75iu of puregon. Teeny tiny dosage compared to most people but in my case I got 18 eggs on 100iu and a nice dose of OHSS between collection and transfer. Not something I would like to repeat as I was miserable for a good five days. Really miserable. Think waking up in the middle of the night in tears from pain and vomiting type miserable (and I am guilty of not informing the clinic of how I was feeling and stubbornly going ahead with transfer anyway). I know I shouldn't be nervous because clearly I need a lower dose but I can't help but feel my body may not respond as well this time around as that time I had been doing acu for a good 12 months prior and this time I only started going again about 5 weeks ago. I just hope it doesn't influence things too much. And that my eggs decide to behave and grow at a normal rate rather than an inflated rate. Eek!

TIME FOR A CHANGE

That's right, tomorrow I am getting my hair done and I am going for a completely new look. I am going dark! I have been brunette before but I went back to my trusty blonde and now I'm switching back. And my hairdresser is going to kill me if I turn up at her salon again in several months time demanding to go back to blonde again! In fact, I think my hair would fall out if I did that, it is in seriously bad condition! So I'm taking the plunge . . . EEK!

Following that I am taking the HG out to dinner for his birthday. He turned 28 on Tuesday and I thought it would be nice to get my hair done, get dressed up and actually go OUT for once. We don't go out much. It's really quite sad! We just can't afford it and it sucks but we've spent our money on things like putting in a driveway and other house renovations which doesn't leave alot of cash for going out every weekend. Or new clothes. Or 6 weekly hair appointments (hence the change to brunette!). I can't wait to not be able to afford to go out due to spending money on fun stuff - like cots, baby clothes and everything inbetween! I'm going to have a field day when that time comes (and the HG is going to hate it!) 

We don't shop together nicely. Do many couples shop together nicely? Probably not. To give you an example, when we brought our house there were no curtains so we had to go shopping for curtains for every room in the house. And in amongst the curtains in the local Spotlight store we very nearly got divorced. It was so bad we ended up getting back in the car with no curtains, driving to his parents place and bringing his mum back to the store with us as a mediator. I am not kidding! I had woman walking past me shaking there heads in sympathy. So I wonder how this scenario is going to play out in the baby shops? Hopefully we get to find out very soon. Minus the divorce.

A POST THAT INFURIATED ME!

Following along on the same lines of the wonderful post that resonated with me, I stumbled across another post that had quite the opposite affect. One of the blogs I follow written by the lovely Beckie had a link to this post. But to sum it up this was what was written in regards to IVF from the perspective of this Catholic blogger:

IVF basically states the same as contraception and abortion. When we do those things we are taking control over what is not ours. Just because we can take control, does not mean that we should take it.

IVF says I can have control and I WILL have what the desires of my heart are....so I WILL go and create life in a pietri dish and say that God is the one that deemed that life, God created life and therefore I just used the technology God gifted us with..... Isn't the deception of all evil making something "seem" as if God did it......The devil doesn't have to be too smart here.

I WILL freeze the left over embryos, I WILL implant however many babies I think will give me the greatest chance, and if for some reason, if the babies do not survive I have leftovers...I WILL have a back up plan. They are conveniently in the freezer, stunted in their growth because I control when they should live and die. I control when they should live and die.

So here we have more victims of demise because of our choice. I think we have taken it a step further. We have chosen to create life and took the chance on whether that life will live or a chance it could die because of our choice, our desire, our bleeding heart. It is not enough of an excuse for me and I would also bet the babies that were created outside of the womb would agree.
 

I am interested in hearing what other woman who have chosen the IVF road to have a family think of this (whether you are religious or not) If you read the whole post including the comments on the bottom you will understand why this left my blood boiling so much. This post and some of the comments on this blog has reminded me of why I stepped away from religion. This is why. I just cannot comprehend how hypocritical and judgemental some of these people are (and please note the use of the word 'some'). We are all responsible for our own decisions and should not be made to feel bad for them. I thought religion was about loving one another and not judging? Infertility is a disease (as recognised by the World Health Organisation) and IVF is a treatment. By the same token, does this mean that people diagnosed with other diseases should not seek treatment due to messing with 'Gods' intentions? As if this isn't hard enough. I am by no means saying that this is the opinion of all Catholics and realise that this is a minority opinion, but it is infuriating and perhaps these types of views are why people are leaving mainstream religion in droves. If people choose not to use IVF for their own moral reasons whether religious or not then I totally support that. What I don't support is having that judgement passed onto myself and others who DO choose to go down this path.

What do you think?

PS: You can read Beckies post here which sums it up far better than I ever could!

AND SPEAKING OF JEALOUSY . . .

You know how some days you see a pregnant woman walking down the footpath towards you, or a woman pushing a stroller you feel that quick pang of immense jealousy? Well, I think I am losing it because I am starting to feel the same way about people carrying takeaway coffee cups. Yep, you read that right. I see people everywhere walking along with their hands wrapped around one of those deliciously warm coffee cups filled with liquid gold and I just want to snatch it away from them and pour it down the drain. If I can't have coffee then neither can anyone else. And I swear they all look so smug sipping their morning coffee's. Instead of sipping on my morning coffee I get to jab myself with needles instead! I am so caffiene envious that I actually had one yesterday afternoon and OMG! It was sooooo good! I miss it so much. 

I have been absolutely terrible on the diet front. Given that these drugs make us gain weight anyway I was determined not to let my comfort eating habits get the better of me but I am losing my will power. These down reg drugs are making me feel so nauseous and the only thing that fixes it? Nope, not coffee but those damn sausage rolls again. The last few days I have put up with it but today I had one and I fear I am on a downward spiral. Especially with the chocolate bar I also ate for afternoon tea. The whole chocolate bar. It appears the drugs have made me go off what would be considered the 'good' food and crave the bad. What's a girl to do? At least the pill part of this cycle finishes tomorrow and perhaps that might help me to regain my sanity. We all know that tiny little pill has the power to mess with our minds and bodies. I have been remarkably lucky this time around but ugh, these down reg injections are starting to make me a tad miserable.

A POST THAT RESONATED WITH ME

Today I came across this post on 'The Infertility Doula' one of the many blogs I follow that really resonated with me. We are all going through the same struggle and yet there ARE hidden lines even within the infertility community between the different groups - IUI vs IVF, first vs secondary infertility, those who concieved first IVF cycle vs those who took more than one attempt to get their BFP and the list goes on. You only need to go on infertility forums to also notice the invisible lines forming. I thought it was a fantastic post and full of truths that we don't like to admit. I will step up and admit that I am jealous of those woman who are lucky enough to concieve first IVF cycle. Do I think they are any less 'deserving'? Of course not! I think we are all as deserving as one another to have a baby. But I do think once you have tried and failed an IVF attempt you do go into a slightly different category on a subconcious level as you have then experienced the pain of an IVF cycle NOT working and the crushing hope that comes with it. We all want to think we will be one of the lucky ones but when it doesn't happen the pain of failing what is supposed to be a 'miracle' cure is heartbreaking. Sometimes I feel like I am right back at the beginning of TTC up against the girls who concieve first month trying! Infertility is a funny thing - it really can make us into a green eyed monster! Albeit a nice green eyed monster who is still happy for everyone but so incredibly sad for themselves!

Every day I take some time to read some of the other infertility blogs that I have discovered since I started blogging. They are blogs written by woman all over the world who all have one thing in common - their struggle to become a mother. We all have different roads to travel to get there - some are shorter than others, some start younger than others, some take invasive treatments while others are less invasive. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I might shed a tear, sometimes I nod along in agreement and sometimes (and I love these times the most!) I get to offer my congratulations to couples who finally achieve their miracle. 

 

This is my third month of doing ICLW (International Comment Leaving Week) and I look forward to it every month in anticipation of the fantastic woman I will meet, all on their own journey's to motherhood (if you are not a blogger yourself but are interested in reading some of these amazing blogs you can click on the red ICLW logo on the right and get taken to the list) Next month ICLW will fall around the time I find out what the results of this IVF cycle are and hopefully it will be an exciting time full of promise!

 

Happy commenting week everyone!

 

I NEED A DREAM CATCHER!

I haven't tried to knock my husband out with any pots or throw hot pasta at him in the last few days so we are making progress! The down reg drugs are making me feel soooo tired though. I find this part of the cycle can leave you feeling really lethargic and the dregs of this cold that just won't go away is doing my head in. BUT luckily I am still as happy and upbeat as usual (except when my pasta falls in the sink!) 

I don't think it helps that I am dreaming vividly every single night and therefore waking up feeling like I haven't slept. They're mostly weird random dreams but also scattered with nightmares that leave me waking up drenched in sweat with my heart pounding and quickly followed by the intense relief of realising it was just a dream. My acupuncturist has explained to me that it's just a combination of all the drugs in my system that are making me dream so much, but I couldn't tell you the last nights sleep I've had where I didn't dream and it's getting pretty exhausting. Has anyone else had constant crazy dreams while doing IVF?

CRAZED HOUSEWIFE

Well, I got up at 6.30am and did my jab like a good girl. I was already awake though, thanks to somebody in the bed beside me who has a blocked nose and was snoring like a train. And a cat that wants to be fed so tends to wreak havoc on my bedroom in an attempt to force me to get up. He jumps on the set of drawers and knocks things off, digs through the paper bin in the bedroom and starts ripping up bits of paper and then proceeds to the bathroom to destroy a roll of toilet paper before jumping up and staring at me. Works every time and then we repeat it over the next day. He is a troublemaker that cat! I hope my children are better behaved.

In other news, two days after starting the down reg drugs my anger management has taken a dive. Last cycle these drugs made me emotional. In fact, last cycle the pill made me a basket case! It hasn't had that affect this time but boy did the HG discover I can snap last night! I came home from work starving and put some pasta on to cook while I was doing the housework. I then went to drain the pasta and my hand slipped and the whole lot fell in the sink. I was NOT impressed! I stomped around a bit and the HG came down to ask what was going on (after a few choice words were yelled out) and he laughed. NOT A GOOD IDEA. I was ready to THROW said pasta at him. I was threatening him with my tongs. I slammed doors. The cat and dog hid. After alot of ranting and raving and threatening to throw a pot at his head for thinking it was funny I calmed down and the HG got me to laugh about it. But I didn't find it at all funny in the beginning! And the HG revealed he was a bit scared I was going to knock him out with the pot. Haha. Ok, so the drugs are definately doing there thing! 

 

DISILLUSIONMENT

Do you sometimes feel like pregnancy is something that happens to other people? Even though you are going through all these treatments to get pregnant, do you feel like it's never going to happen? Can you picture yourself with a baby bump and holding a baby? This is something I struggle with. I catch my thoughts wandering off in the direction of thinking about what we are going to do next cycle or how we're going to source the money for more treatment or pondering adoption . . . and we haven't even finished this cycle yet! It's not done in a negative thought capacity but rather I don't conciously realise what I am thinking until I catch myself. Last cycle I was all caught up in the idea of being pregnant at Christmas, but this cycle I'll be thinking about what we want to do over the Christmas holidays and then suddenly realise I could be pregnant so I shouldn't make any plans because I have no idea how I'll be feeling - whether I'll be one of the lucky ones who doesn't get morning sickness or whether I'll be sick as a dog. Last cycle I was convinced IVF was going to be the magic cure to my infertility but now I think I am taking it to the opposite extreme. I think I am being too realistic instead of letting my dreams get carried away from me. I don't feel it's a negative thing though as I still have alot of HOPE for this cycle. Maybe it's just a sign of having been there and failed once already.

So today is day 2 of my injections for down reg. I know in some countries you sniff drugs for this part but in NZ we inject (not to be confused with stims which I haven't got to yet) I have to do them at 6.30am because I leave for work at that time and it needs to be done at the same time every day (hence the weekend early wake up calls!) and then when I do start the stims I will do those at night, while carrying on the down reg jabs in the mornings. I don't actually mind injecting myself, it might seem weird but it makes me feel like I'm DOING something rather than just waiting for something to happen. I stop the pill next Thursday and have a blood test to check I'm down regulated on the 28th September and then the good stuff starts on the 30th. Time is going so fast!

And on a positive note, I feel a million times better today! Yay!

ONE JAB DOWN, A MILLION TO GO!

It had to be freezing the first morning I had to jab myself. I always find the injections hurt more when I'm cold and on weekends (not sure why on weekends, maybe just cos I'm grumpy having to be up at 6.30am when I should be tucked up asleep in bed like normal people!) And yes, I know when I have a baby I will have to get used to early mornings, sleepless nights blah blah blah. BUT I'm not a Mum yet so I am allowed to complain and enjoy my luxuries. Even though the HG is sick he still got up for moral support. By that time I had already loaded up my dosage but he was quick to take it off me to check for air bubbles and inspect it before allowing me to inject myself. Awww. I hesitated and then just shoved it in. Voila! One down, a million to go!

CHECKING IN!

Sorry I've been MIA for awhile, I got knocked down with a cold after a sleepless night on Friday due to the HG not getting home until 3am (as previously blogged about here). Grrr . . . and now wouldn't you know it - he's sick! Why do us woman never get the chance to be sick and pampered before our men get sick and suddenly we're the ones trying to work through it while they lounge on the couch feeling sorry for themselves? Happens to me EVERY TIME. I get sick and then he gets sicker. I took two days off work to rest and avoid getting any worse and went back today. Not feeling too bad now, hopefully the worst is behind me as I start my injections tomorrow! At last! I haven't really thought too much about it except to ask the HG if he remembers how to do it and to set my alarm as a reminder. We have always had a bit of a routine going on with the injections where he will prepare the needles for me and then I just have to pinch some skin and jab it in. It works for us because then he feels like he is playing an active part in it rather than it feeling like me doing IVF and him being a spectator. And it makes me feel like he's helping. I draw the line at him injecting me though, I'm far too much of a control freak for that! 

I still can't believe how blase I have been about this cycle (except when the HG goes out and gets drunk!) At least it'll start to feel more real tomorrow. I always find the time goes quicker from here on in and I'll be gearing up for scans and egg collection in no time at all! 

PUTTING IT BEHIND ME

Thank you to all of you who posted comments and advice to me after my mini meltdown last night. The HG didn't actually get home until 2.30am! I was not impressed! He knows he stuffed up though and has been most apologetic. I was livid and hurt at first but have decided the healthiest option is to just move on and put it behind us. I have to say though (now that I have calmed down!) that through all this he has been amazing, so this is an isolated incident. He has cut back majorly on the beer front and never exceeds one or two. This would only be the second time all year that he has even been out drinking (not counting the occasional beer with mates) and I wouldn't normally have a problem with it, except that we are now 15 days into this cycle and so to me that means giving it our all. 

One of the comments mentioned that perhaps he needed this last blow out to blow off steam before being able to knuckle down and concentrate on this cycle and that's exactly what he said. Sometimes it's easy to forget that our men are also facing just as much stress and anxiety as we are in regards to fertility treatment. His punishment is that he has felt miserable today with a hangover from hell (which he claims has nothing to do with how much beer he consumed but rather how the low alcohol beer didn't agree with him!) and he has to cook me dinner while I get to lounge on the couch. Hehe. I can tell he truly feels miserable about the hurt he caused me and regrets that he let himself get carried away. I still don't think I overreacted but I don't think dwellng on it will help either of us. Oh, and he's promised to take me out for the day tomorrow too! And you know what? I might even treat myself to a coffee!

ANXIOUS

I've been so relaxed the last few weeks that this anxiety I am feeling tonight is totally unfamiliar. Last cycle I was full of anxiety as a constant but this time I am determined not to allow myself to get that way again as I feel it's detrimental to what we are trying to achieve. I know what triggered it too. 

The HG had a work function today and because he is a leading hand it's important that he is there from start to finish and socialising with his workers and networking with the bosses (he's a painter and decorator) I rang him as a reminder at 2pm when it was starting to tell him not to drink too much and get carried away. Anyway, of course he gets beer poured down him and although he swore he'd had no more than 4 pints when I saw him at the pub he seemed slightly drunk to me. And now he rang to say he's only drinking light beer but still! I'm anxious. I feel bad because our fertility problems have nothing to do with the poor bloke (all me!) His sperm analysis came back fantastic with a capital F. But still, I feel like he should be looking at the bigger picture and not even be touching beer. Sure, one or two is ok but he just seems to be brushing my concerns aside. I'm feeling pretty upset right now and anxious that this could be detrimental to our end results. And worried that if I get another BFN I could feel resentful and wonder if it was his fault. I know in a way that isn't fair but I have given up so bloody much to conceive a baby so we can have a family and the one thing he needs to do for me is to cut out the alcohol and he isn't even doing that. I'm not even sure it would make any difference given that the sperm we will be using would have been made three months ago but . . . . AAAGGGHHH! I just didn't need the added worry with all that's going on right now and all that weighs on the outcome of this last public cycle. Especially when we can't afford anymore. I'm just so disappointed in him. 

I'm also upset I have allowed myself to get wound up over something that probably appears so trivial but this IVF cycle could be our last chance and I'm terrified of blowing it, although I try not to allow those thoughts into my head! Am I overreacting?

WHO WOULDA THOUGHT!

So I just realised that I am now considered 'experienced' when it comes to IVF treatment. This time last year I was a few month away from my first IVF cycle. I had done a whole 6 months of fortnightly acupuncture to prepare, had exercised (somewhat) for several months, given up the caffiene and was rearing to go. Full of excitement but also nervous as anything. I was scared that I would forget to do one of my injections. I'd had it hammered into me that IVF was like performing a strict military operation with all the drugs having to be administered within a strict timeframe. I was terrified of injecting myself. How much was it going to hurt? I couldn't even imagine it but knew it had to be done and was willing to do anything.

Fast forward to now and suddenly I'm the girl on my forums going 'Oh no, the injections are fine! Don't feel a thing. Just shove it in there! Nothing to worry about it. The more you do it the easier it gets!' That's because I have spent approximately 12 weeks of this year jabbing myself with needles! I can also give advice on OHSS, egg collection, embryo development and all the rest of it. Who woulda thought!

So, I'm off to pick up my drugs today and a week away from that first jab and the joy of down regulating and all that comes with it! But at least I'm not worried about the injections this time - I'm now considered a pro. Oh well, pays to be good at something!

10 THINGS ABOUT ME

I've been reading other blogs that have done this and found it fascinating, so I thought it was a good time to share 10 things about me that you didn't know (well, most of you don't know!)

1. I did alot of solo travel before I settled down and got married. I have been to
the US, Canada, France, UK, Austria, Switzerland, Singapore, Italy, Greece, 
Germany, Netherlands and Australia (to name a few!)

2. I don't know who my father is. My mum got pregnant (ironically I was a big oops!) 
when she was 21 in the UK doing a Contiki tour through Europe. No such thing 
as email in those days so by the time she found out it was too late to tell him 
and there was no way of tracking him down. He has no idea I exist.

3. I love to read, reading is my passion!

4. I hate driving. I have my licence after years of procrastination but
try to avoid getting behind the wheel as much as possible!

5. My favourite TV programme of all time was Lost. I never 
missed a single episode and wish it hadn't had to end.

6. I'd never seen a single episode of Sex and the City until the movie
was on TV a few weeks ago and I decided to watch it.

7. I spent half my childhood in and out of hospital with severe asthma.

8. My husband proposed to me after only 6 weeks together! Awwww.

9. I've worked in the same job for nearly 10 years! Started there when I was 19 and 
I am now 28! Holy cow! I still enjoy it though which is good thing.

10. I have had both a boys and a girls name picked out and set in 
concrete for the last 4 years.

GETTING SICK . . .

I'm not happy! I woke up this morning with a killer headache, a tummy ache and pins and needle feeling in my arms and legs. Plus achy joints. Good. I'm at work at the moment but I'm feeling pretty darn awful. And last thing I want is a full blown flu. Not good timing to get sick! So I'm going to go home tonight and do nothing but lie on the couch and watch TV and have an early night. Blah! Sorry for the short blog entries of late, just feeling a bit run down and lacking in motivation and inspiration! 

HOW FAR WOULD YOU GO?

Last night I met up for coffee with a friend who is also doing IVF at the moment. So what do you have when you can't actually drink coffee? Why, Cappucino Cheesecake of course! With whipped cream. Mmmmm.

Anyway, we were talking about how far we were willing to go to make our dream come true and how much money we were willing to fork over to the fertility clinic in our pursuit of a baby. How much is too much? The HG and I have already decided that if this next cycle doesn't work then we will take a year off and save a bit of money and then we would (if eligible - big gulp!) spend $25k (courtesy of the bank!) and do the 3 cycles and a baby or 70% of your money back scheme. Then if that didn't work we would pursue other avenues. My friend said she would just keep spending until it worked. Yet another friend said she wouldn't spend money on fertility treatment. I figure if I can't get pregnant within 6 IVF cycles then it probably isn't going to work. But I can totally see how you could be driven to just keep going. What would you do?

SPRING IS IN THE AIR!

Happy 1st of September! For those of you down under, we are finally on the approach to Summer after a long cold winter! I woke up to a beautiful Spring morning here in Wellington and the promise of nicer weather, lighter mornings and longer evenings. BBQ's, breakfast on the deck in the sunshine, the beach, swimming and long leisurely walks. Ooooohhhh - so can't wait! I love Winter but I am definately ready for a bit of warmth and sunshine now! I think I'm going to go brunette when I get my hair done in a few weeks too. A makeover sounds like a great start to the warmer weather and my successful IVF cycle. See, positive thinking! Just a shame it's supposed to rain from tomorrow until next Friday! But that's Wellington weather for you. 

Had a call from the nurse at my clinic today with my 'plan'. I start injecting on the 16th September for down regulation and then egg collection should be scheduled for the week starting 11th October. Seems so soon and yet so far! Fingers crossed the time goes quickly. Thankfully I haven't had any of the nasty side effects I normally get from the pill either. YIPPEE! I'm in a much better place this cycle than I was last (emotionally speaking) so really hopeful for a smooth and easy ride to that BFP!