THE REAL WORLD

On Saturday I decided to take a break from the world of Facebook. I now seem to have alot of time on my hands and suddenly I realise just how much my social life revolved around online networking. Not sure if this is a bad thing or not! I guess in some ways it is a good thing because I got the satisfaction of friendships and companionship without having to leave the house (which is harder with a baby than without and with two will be even harder!) but I also realised just how stuck in a rut I had got as now that I am not on Facebook I am just so bored! How sad is that! What did we do with ourselves before the world of social networking opened up? Is it true that due to the convenience of this we have neglected our one on one friendships by staying in touch with the simple click of a 'like' button? I think so. I have realised since deactivating that I actually don't know how to get in touch with some friends outside of the FB world. Once upon a time we communicated via the phone, I can't remember the last time I actually had a phone conversation with a friend and a catch up is sitting in front of a computer chat typing with friends instead of sitting across from a friend with a coffee and having a chat. How the world has changed.

In light of this, I decided it is now time to get out and about as spring approaches and join some of the activities available to mums and bubs while it is still just Cohen and I. So I signed him up to Baby Gym and can't wait to start that with him in 6 weeks time and spend some time with other mums and bubs. Not only will this be good for me, but it will be great for Cohen too. Last year we got out and did alot of walking and catch ups with friends but my morning sickness and the cold and wet winter and people returning to work after maternity leave (myself included) has put that on hold lately as schedules clash. Now the MS has gone and the sun is shining more (not today though, today is miserable!) and I have a double pram on layby to allow me to go out easelessly with two boys in tow. No more excuses. Time to get back out in the real world!

A LONG OVERDUE UPDATE!

I can't believe it is September already. Spring is finally here and summer is just around the corner. Except this summer I will have not only one, but two wee boys! Yep, that's right, baby#2 is another bouncing baby boy! I'm now 25 weeks and 4 days pregnant and honestly feel like I have no idea where the time has gone. I am shocked to see that my last blog entry was way back in June. I have no excuses. So much has happened - we have celebrated Cohen's 1st birthday party and he is now 14 months old! I still can't believe I have a toddler and not a baby any longer. He isn't walking yet, he is a climber instead. Not sure which would make my life easier, a walker (runner!) or a climber! At least I don't have to chase him just yet but removing him from awkward situations that he has climbed his way into is almost as tiresome, not to mention carting him around the place with a big fat pregnant belly! He is HEAVY. A solid 12kg and counting. He is such a joy though and I adore motherhood. Luckily we don't have any issues with teething (he has 8 so far and I haven't even known he was getting any of them except for the red cheeks and then spotting them in his mouth) and he is a brilliant sleeper which is going to help tremendously when our next little man makes an appearance. I have opted to have this baby via another elective c-section so I probably have less than 14 weeks to go. 14 weeks! It is insanely soon and I am excited but petrified at the same time. Both boys will be sharing a room as we only have a two bedroom house so it is certainly going to be a very interesting transition and I am being optimistic for another easy baby (even though people take great pleasure in telling me that every baby is different and that the second one can often be harder *gulp!*).

 

I still struggle with the fact that I went from infertile and needing IVF to conceive and being told we had less than 1% chance of ever having a pregnancy naturally, to conceiving on our own in the course of just 1 and a half years. It is probably partly the reason that I haven't blogged in such a long while as I carry some guilt with it, guilt that there are so many of you still struggling to have a baby and here I am with my IVF miracle and another baby on the way so soon. It took me awhile to come to terms with the idea but now I am excited about it and embracing it as the blessing that it is. Especially now that the morning sickness has gone. I knew this baby was a boy right from the start as the pregnancies have been identical (from the MS kicking in at 6 weeks to the heart rates being the same) so I wasn't surprised to learn he was a boy.

 

2 boys! I'm going to have my hands full!

 

Here is a photo of Cohen taken a couple of weeks ago. Still hard to believe he is mine.

 

 

WE MADE IT TO THE SECOND TRIMESTER!

We made it! I am officially into my second trimester (13w2d to be exact).

We had our 12 week scan last Monday and it was amazing to see that little baby in there, waving away! I still get moments of wondering how the hell this happened (natural I'd assume after all we went through to conceive Cohen, I just don't get HOW this baby came to be when so many things needed to align exactly in order to make it happen, but there was the proof staring at us!). Cohen is such a great distraction that I often forget I am even pregnant (aside from the big belly that has literally popped out and is about the size I was with Cohen at 20 weeks!). I swear my body just went 'Hey, I remember this! POOF!' overnight and there was this big preggy belly. Certainly no hiding it! I have been struggling with morning sickness again with the same intensity as Cohen and suspect I am carrying another boy as the pregnancies have been remarkably similar, right down to this babies heart rate being identical to it's brother at the 12 week scan (spot on 165bpm). Cravings are identical and all! We'll see if I'm right but I would say I am 95% positive we are team blue again.

And here it is! Miracle#2 giving a wave!

IDENTITY CRISIS (AND THANKS!)

First of all, I have to say a huge thank you for all the congratulations. I really appreciate them and I know how hard hearing about 2nd pregnancies can be (especially when you are still in the trenches for #1 or battling secondary infertility yourselves) so thank you for embracing it and offering up your congratulations to me. 

I feel like I have been battling through a bit of an identity crisis the past few weeks and not been able to talk about it because I hadn't announced I was pregnant. I had told a few family and close friends but not stepped outside of the security of that group of people because I feel like I jumped the queue. Like I stole someone else's BFP. That I don't 'deserve' to be pregnant because I didn't have to fight for it. I know this makes utterly no sense and is ridiculous thinking but after being part of the IF world for so long, it is hard to change the conditioning of your thoughts. I identified with being infertile for3 long years of my life and when pregnant with C I was still infertile but a pregnant infertile who battled through the woods to get to where I was. Now I feel like a rip off because we got pregnant without even trying. By having unprotected sex once. By somehow defying all the odds and becoming one of 'those' woman who got pregnant without even trying. 

And I feel bad about it and I feel like I have lost a big part of the person I was. I feel like a big part of my identity has been stolen. 

I am happy to be pregnant but feel like I should have had to work harder to get here.


How ridiculous do I sound? 

I HAVE A CONFESSION ...

I am currently 10 weeks pregnant.

Yes, you read that right. 

It was a HUGE surprise and it took me about a week to adjust to the idea as I was worried that Cohen would miss out on so much with me being pregnant again so soon but now we are thrilled to be adding to our little family. We had our first scan a few weeks ago where I discovered I was further along than I assumed and would have already been 5 weeks pregnant when I eventually tested.


As you may recall, I wrote a post awhile ago about whether we wanted to attempt to try for another baby or not (you can read that post here) and then we made our decision. Well, seems we were too late with that decision to wait awhile longer before TTC again and I ovulated on day 8 of my cycle which was around the one time we didn't use protection since Cohen was born. Fast forward 3 weeks and I was pondering why on day 29, no AF! I had all the usual symptoms of AF being on her way but she just wasn't appearing. Every day since day 26 I was saying to the HG that it still hadn't shown up and every day he would tell me to test, but I kept putting him off and telling him that it was ridiculous to test because there was no way I could be pregnant ... I hadn't even been fertile at the one time of the month we didn't use anything (or so I thought!). Come day 29 though, I gave in and decided to test. I tested and watched the control line appear and walked away telling the HG that I wasn't and having a laugh about even testing (cos we all know those stupid things don't work!). 2 minutes later and I hear the HG going 'Um, babe, you might want to look at this' to which I replied 'Bugger off!'. But sure enough ... 2 lines. And again on the next test that I made the HG go out and buy after discovering the first one was a year out on its expiry date. I spent the rest of the night repeating 'How does this even happen?'.

Seems some Urban Myths can come true and come this Christmas Cohen will be a big brother!

NOTE: Please if you know me IRL on FB, do not say anything as we will not be announcing until after we have had our 12 week scan on the 28th May and know that everything is ok. Thanks.

1ST BIRTHDAY LOOMING

I can't believe it is nearly Cohen's 1st birthday. Next month! Where did the time go! It is a dramatic difference how fast the time flies past me now compared to when we were TTC. This means I need to start thinking about a party! Initially I had planned to have quite a big birthday party for him but I have had a change of heart and decided to just do a smaller afternoon tea with close family and friends so I can concentrate on my little birthday boy rather than trying to entertain the guests. I need to get cracking on organising it and starting to think about the 1st birthday cake! Eek!

Anyone have any ideas on what I could do to make it extra special?

GROUNDHOG DAY

As mentioned before, Cohen's latest trick is to stand up on the furniture. But now it is all the time. Anything that he can pull himself up on, he does. Only problem is that because the little mite can't sit, he inevitably topples head first. Most babies at the stage of climbing would just fall backwards onto their bums in a sitting position. Mine topples like a stone statue - either straight back or to the side. Bang. Wah. "Mum, mum, mum". Wah. We have cuddles and then he's fine. So I put him down on the floor and he crawls off and finds his next climbing target and does the exact same thing. Again. Sometimes I manage to race across the room (picture slow motion diving) and catch him mid fall but sometimes, no matter how vigilant I am, he manages to slip through my fingers again and it's the inevitable, BANG. WAH. It's like groundhog day.

We also had another bad mummy moment on Sunday. I'm ashamed to admit that he fell off the change table. I think I was alot more shaken than he was! Babies are incredibly resilient but I got the fright of my life! I only turned my back and lifted my hand for 2 seconds to grab the nappy cream and like slow motion, I saw him go. A few tears and he was fine but my heart didn't stop pounding for a long time afterwards. And then I ahd to confess to the HG. Oops! We will be using the change mat on the floor from now on!

In better news, I have a tall child on my hands. Which is strange because both the HG and I are short asses. How he is in the 98th percentile for height for his age (77.5cm tall) I just don't know! He's still only 9.3kg in weight, so he's long and lean. We do need to take him to a doctor though as his front fontanelle has closed prematurely (they're not supposed to close until 15 months) but because his head is still growing, hopefully it will just need to be monitored and nothing to worry about. As a mum though, any little thing of concern can eat you up so I have been staying away from Dr Google and will just schedule an appointment at our local GP soon, just to be on the safe side. All in all though, I have a healthy wee cherub who is going to be a hell of a handful once he figures out walking running. I think he'll skip the walking stage!

EASTER CHEEKER!

Remember what I was saying the other day about C not liking to hold his own food?

Apparently that does not apply to chocolate!

QUIRKS & OBSTACLES

I'm pretty sure all babies have their quirks. Some won't sleep, some won't roll, some won't eat off a spoon, some refuse the bottle and some probably hate the water.

We have a few quirks making their appearance at the moment: #1. C refuses to sit. #2. He won't pick up and eat food, he will only be spoonfed, and #3. He refuses to stand in water.

#3 doesn't bother me, in fact I find it highly amusing. He LOVES his bath time but you have to put him down in the bath by lowering him onto his back. You can't put him in feet first because he will lift his little legs up as high as he can so he doesn't dip his toes in the water. Even when I lift him out of the bath and try to shake the water off him and lower him into a standing position, he refuses to put his legs down. Same thing at the beach. Except at the beach I made him dip his toes in the ocean which resulted in hysterical crying. Strange child.

As for #1 and #2, these are causing a few hazards. The no sitting thing is mostly causing him a headache. He can now climb up things (and does it at every opportunity he can get!) but then he doesn't know how to get down. Most babies would fall backwards onto their bums in a sitting position, but mine falls backwards onto his bum and then backwards again onto his head (or sideways from a standing position and onto his head). Needless to say we often get a few tears due to this. If I attempt to put him into a sitting position he will pull his legs back up against him and try to force himself up into a standing position. I'm not sure at this point if it's a case of can't sit or won't sit but being a paranoid first time mummy, I turned to Google (duh!) and read that by 9 months old they should be able to sit unassisted by now and if not then you should see a doctor. Cue a bit of panic. But then I spoke to someone in my IVF group who mentioned that their daughter was the same and didn't sit until they were 1. So I will try not to be overly concerned at this point and ride it out as one of his quirks. Albeit one that causes a few tears per day.

Then comes #2. He doesn't like touching food or any strange textures that he is not used to. This is where the obstacles of being a working mum kicks in. My MIL does all three daily meals so it's hard for me to be consistent on this particular quirk as I am not the one feeding him during the week and I can't expect her to let him get filthily covered in food and bathed every day to try and teach him how to feed himself. He will eat his biccies and rusks, but anything else (like toast, sandwiches or fruit) gets promptly screwed up or flicked off his hand. This is something I need to work on as he should be eating snacks by now and not just being a little prince who eats all food off a spoon! Although, I can see how that could be appealing! So this Easter, my goal is to get messy with him and introduce him to a range of foods and textures and see what happens. Except, we did try this last night and he would not even attempt to touch any of the food but happily picked up the plastic bowl, dumped the contents and proceeded to bang it on the highchair. Wish me luck!

Does anyone else have a baby with similar quirks? What are your bubs quirks?

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY

It's been awhile since I shared any photos of Cohen so I thought being a  Wednesday,

it was the perfect time to share!

  

BAD MUMMY

Cohen has been a really easy baby so far (like, 'lull me into a false sense of security for if we decide to have another one' type easy) and apart from the breastfeeding which didn't go our way, he's been a dream baby. Now he's a bit older though I am starting to see the mischief in his eyes and thinking perhaps things are about to get more interesting in the 'easy' stakes. Lately he has been trying to climb things. If I sit on the floor with him he will try to climb me. If there is a box on the floor he will climb up it. He climbs the Bumbo, his grandparents dog, his toy box. He chases the cat (much to the cats unamusement) and generally looks for trouble. This has resulted in a few tears the last few days due to face plants and the other week I had my first 'Bad Mummy' moment when he fell tumbled down the steps on our deck and banged his chin. I have only just started adjusting to the fact the he is no longer just a blob who stays where I put him, and I completely underestimated the speed of which he can shimmy (commando crawl) and turned around for 2 second to hang a towel on the washing line and then heard a thump and a cry and there he was dangling feet on deck, chin on next step down. Big cuddles were all it took for him to get over it (phew!) but that was incident #1 (and I'm still trying to understand how they don't get the concept of edges!).

Then came the red bum. Cohen is currently breaking his top right tooth and we don't get teething pain here or grizzly waking through the night baby (thank god!) but we do get acidy type poop and dribble rash. So on Monday we had a bit of redness which I tried to counteract with all manner of creams and potions but he was pooping every single nappy (like, 7 times a day type pooping!) and it just kept getting worse. I felt awful about it and hated seeing his little botty looking like that so I started looking outside the box since the creams (I tried about 5 different brands!) weren't working and stumbled across the baking soda and warm water theory. Lots of info about this with rave reviews so I thought I would try it .... FAIL! Happy nappy free kicking baby turned into squawking in pain and crying real tears baby as it must have stung like nothing else. I felt like the worst mother in the whole world. Moral of the story: Don't always trust Google! Like Google will tell you that 'Sniffly nose = Pregnant' when you are in depserate need of googling pregnancy symptoms, they will also tell you the 2tsp on baking soda in one cup of warm water is great for nappy rash. They don't mention that it will cause them excruciating stingy pain! Never again!

But you know what? Next morning his little bottom was almost good as new!

OUR DECISION

The HG and I had a chat on the weekend about whether we want to go for #2. We concluded that we do want another child. We quite simply couldn't conciously choose to have an only without at least trying for another baby but we could both live with just having the one if that turns out to be the way it is (in other words, we could make the decsion to stop and be happy with just C if we got to a point where IVF was the only way forward). But that is now, not taking into account the emotions of TTC and failing and the burning desire that you get once you start. But for now, the decision is definitely not to close the door to future TTC efforts. We will try naturally for one year. If no luck after a year, we will return to the fertility clinic and use our frozen embryo (given it defrosts). If no luck with that then we will just let it go and let nature take it's course. Sounds good in theory anyway! Practice could be very different.

We decided at the same time to throw contraception out the window now and not try but not prevent. Yes, we are/were using protection. Crazy? Why use protection when you couldn't actively get pregnant after 3 years of trying and then resorting to IVF? Yes, maybe just a little bit mad but at the same time, good for the sanity to not be pondering the idea of a pregnancy every month (no matter how slim). However, I have now had a change of heart (potentially too late for this month though!). After telling the HG while walking through the mall on Saturday (random place for these kind of discussions!) and getting him to agree to throw it out the window and if a miracle happens so be it, I have now changed my mind. I've realised I am more preoccupied with the whole 'getting pregnant' theory than I am with the 'I want another baby now' theory. Quite simply, I don't want another baby yet. I love my life with C and I am enjoying where things are at now. Throwing another baby in the mix too soon would be chaos (financially and just for life in general) so I concluded that we will scrap that idea and go back to protecting until I know I am doing it for the right reasons. Because I want another child, not just because I am so scared that I won't get another one that I want to start trying immediately 'just in case' we miss the opportunity.

A BIT OF LIGHTHEARTEDNESS

So after some more intense topics over the course of the last week, I have concluded I need to lighten the tone a bit. Have you ever looked at your blog stats and looked at what people are searching/googling that lead to your blog? Well, I did this the other day and it was pretty funny! Here are the best ones:

Angelswingsloonyhard

(Um, this could be dodgy or it might not be - is it 'Angels wings loony hard', or 'Angel swings loony hard'?)

I had chocolate brownie, anxiety attack

(Did I once refer to having an anxiety attack while eating a chocolate brownie?)

Greek orthodox IVF baby

(ok, get the IVF baby part but Greek Orthodox? Pretty sure I have never used the words Greek or Orthodox in a blog post. Except perhaps I once mentioned that my name is Greek, hence the Greek, IVF and Baby referring to here?)

Dreams - my dead mom who appears in the loony bin

(Um ...)

What are some of the funniest googles that have led to your blog?

INSIGHT NEEDED!

Following on from my post yesterday, I would love some insight into your decision making when it came to this decision ...

If you did decide to have an only and not TTC again, what made you come to this decision? What things did you take into consideration? Are you still happy with this decision?

If you did decide to venture into the territory of trying to conceive again, did you decide to try naturally first? How are you finding it? Is it easier second time around or are you finding yourself slipping back into the same complex emotions and obsessions as the first time? Will you give it a time limit?

DO I EVEN WANT TO GO THERE?

Lately we have been thinking a bit about TTC#2. Blah. Ok, we were thinking about this before C even made his grand entrance into the world. I guess when you have been through years of infertility, even going through the pregnancy and having a baby doesn't stop you from thinking about it. A bit like the green eyed monster. Who knew that you could still feel jealous when you hear a pregnancy announcement after you have had your own. You would think that finally having your own would make you immune! But I think it is something that is so deeply ingrained in you that you can't help how you automatically respond to those announcements. Sure, it's not the lightening in the heart and tears type jealousy that it once was, but it's a bit of envy all the same!

So anyway, TTC#2. I'm not even sure whether I want to go there. Do I want to delve back into the world of TTC and the ache it carries with it? I'm of the opinion that once you start down that road it's hard to go back. It's like a craving that grows inside of you until it's all you can think about. I know having C will certainly make the journey a more bearable one and much easier to deal with than the journey to get him, but I can't help but think that emotionally the safer route would be simply to accept and enjoy a life with one child. We don't have the option of another IVF cycle. We have one frostie but that is our last resort. The 3 IVF cycles it took to conceive C were publicly funded so in the end it didn't cost us anything ... except for the hundreds of dollars (scrap that, thousands!) that I invested in vitamin companies and acupuncturists and on little balls of chinese herbs that I took in the handfuls for well over a year. But another cycle would cost us up to (if not over) $13,000. Can I juggle that risk when there are no guaruntees and we already have one child to support? No. We have already decided that it will have to be a natural conception or our one frostie or not at all.

But what makes me think that we can even HAVE a natural pregnancy after 3 long years of trying everything under the sun the first time around? So many people have said to me that 'Your body knows what to do now you've had one baby'. They have said that so many times that I start to believe it. Last month we didn't use any protection one time during ovulation and dare I say it, I was freaking out just a tad. Like I could have one little accident and get pregnant just because I had a baby. Who am I kidding!

So, back to the original question - do I even want to go there?



WHEN HELP BACKFIRES

This is what happens when you ask your husband to help you out by feeding the baby ... the end result of which is having to strip off all their clothes and give them a bath, thus actually adding to the workload.

Also, if you are going to sneak said baby a mini chocolate girl guide biscuit (for those outside of NZ, it is a small wine biscuit with a thin layer of milk chocolate on one side) it pays to remove the chocolate smothered white pants from said child to hide the evidence. Chocolate coated pants are an obvious sign. However, from the look of him I'd say most of the chocolate ended up on his pants rather than in his mouth and our dog was quick to eat the rest. Men!

 

I think I'll just feed him myself tomorrow night!

TRANSITIONS OF AN IF BLOG

Even though I haven't been blogging myself lately, I still take a keen interest in reading other blogs and keeping up with what is happening in the ALI blogging world. That is what brought me to the discussion on PAIL and then onto the healing discussion posts from LFCA which I have found very fascinating to read. I can relate to much of what has been discussed on there and would like to write about a few things from my perspective in the hopes that it will help people to understand why I took a backseat for the last few months.

When I started blogging and joined many of the ICLW events, I began to follow many blogs that I could relate to who were going through the same things as me at the time. Once I got pregnant I continued to read these blogs, but as time went on I started to feel uncomfortable in the IF community. It wasn't about my follower or commenter numbers dropping (as I have always openly said how I completely understand why readers would feel the need to move on from my blog as subject matter changed with my growing bump and then my transition into motherhood, not to mention the fact that I was blogging less frequently) but the bitterness tinged in some of these blogs of writers who were still in the trenches (I have edited this to add that I am NOT referring to the bitterness that every infertile feels about their predicament and the bitterness that can bite when you hear about others pregnancies, particularly those that come easy. I am talking about bitterness that comes across as downright nasty to pregnant woman and mothers. There is a big difference). It made me withdraw back into my shell and start having longer gaps between posts. When you are on the way to motherhood, or just entered into motherhood, continually reading these posts with such negative undertones about pregnant woman or mothers is really quite disconcerting and awkward, and you begin to take things personally and feel wrong about posting. So you step back. I'm not saying I never felt that way at times, that I never felt bitter about my predicament or jealous or angry, but some blog posts I read were outright poisonous. And I didn't want to be exposed to that. So although it was easy enough to stop reading them, it still left a lasting impression on me and my place in the blogging world post baby. The creation of PAIL has in some way inspired me to make a return. If others can carry on blogging post baby, then why can't I?

Do I think there is alienation of parenting blogs in this blogosphere? Yes, but I can understand why. Let's be honest, we don't seek out pregnant or parenting after IF blogs. We found this community while we were still trying desperately to conceive. I still follow infertility blogs but blessed be, most of the ones I started following 2 years ago have gone on to be successful and then teepered off on their posting, which is exactly what I did. Perception is strong in this instance. I never felt like anyone was telling me NOT to blog and no one outright did, but I just began to feel uncomfortable and there were some things that I would have liked to share that I felt I couldn't, due to some of my readership being people IRL and the awkwardness of discussing personal relationships and feelings and knowing they were reading.

In summing up I feel the need to apologise if I have hurt anyones feelings by stepping back as it was never my intention to neglect my readership. I am also very much looking forward to being able to invest more time in my relationships with my followers now that you can individually reply to comments (yay!) and finding some new blogs to follow.

UNVEILING MY NEW BLOG!

So, I have finally finished updating my new blog look but I decided to keep the title of my blog and just alter the tagline. In the end I decided I couldn't part with it!

So you are probably wondering if this means I am entering back into the blogging world. And the answer is a tentative yes. I will definitely make the effort to post more often (once a week springs to mind!) and try and keep you posted with what is new or exciting in my world of parenting and life.

Right now I will start with an update of how things are progressing in our lives ...

Cohen is now 8 and a half months old. He has just started to commando crawl and is a happy and chilled out wee chappy who sleeps through the night. He's cheeky and independant and hates to be restricted (ie. he still can't sit cos that would mean being still). He is on 3 solid meals a day, hates holding food so is spoonfed (he gets a disgusted look on his face if I attempt to 'heaven forbid!' give him a piece of meat to chew or a piece of pasta and spends the next few minutes determined to flick the offending item off his hand) so for now we are still doing purees. He can say mum (but only in amongst tears) and has 4 teeth.

As for me, I work 4 days a week from 8.30am - 4.30pm and I am back to drinking 5 coffees per day and well and truly back to having a full blown caffeine addiction. And I love it! I adore not having to worry that drinking coffee will be lowering my chances of conceiving, or for that matter a glass (or two) of wine! I am enjoying having my body back for the first time in over 3 years. I am enjoying not worrying about when I'm ovulating or if my period shows up (which it has been doing for months now but NO MORE CRAMPS! Hallelujah!) and not having to pop a million pills.

I have achieved my weight loss goal and new years resolution to return to pre-pregnancy weight (but would still like to lose the 5kg that fertility treatments unkindly gifted me with).

 I am wearing heels.

 I have had my hair dyed back to blonde.

And I have been shopping recently and spent $109 on a skirt. Yep, $109 on JUST a skirt.

Oh, and I turned 30 at the beginning of this month!

And I think that about sums it up! Looking forward to being back and thank you so much for your patience!

JUST LURKING

Cohen is now 7 and a half months old and a hefty 8.5kg and 71cm tall. His little personality is starting to shine though and he is cheeky, stubborn, talkative and a big handful. But he's my handful and I love him to pieces.

As you can see, I accidentally changed my blog - yes, that was quite by accident. I was having a play around and accidentally deleted my old blog title image so decided to just scrap the whole lot and change things but I'm still playing with it when the motivation strikes!

I also want to address a blog comment I received asking me whether I thought I could be suffering from PND due to wanting a break from something I used to love. Thank you for your concern but thankfully I can say that I don't have PND. I think the reality is that having a child changes your priorities and I am currently just trying to adjust into a new life of being a working woman AND being a mother. This doesn't leave me with a lot of time up my sleeve for myself, so I am just easing my way into it and when the inspiration strikes and I feel I have the motivation and a topic to write about that doesn't make for dull reading, then I will start to write again. 

Babies also fry your brain. I have the worst case of baby brain right now and just thinking of the correct words to use in my sentences is exhausting! The above paragraphs have been started and then backspaced to make way for new ones when I get stuck on a word that for some reason has completely blanked. Sad but true!

BLOGGY BREAK

Really this is what I have already been doing but I feel I need to actually put it in words - I am on a bloggy break but I do plan to be back! Thank you for all your lovely words of encouragement regarding my last post. I have decided that I will carry on writing on this blog, however I will change the name of my blog and give it a new look and then if you would like to continue to read and follow me you can, if you choose not to then I completely understand too! I am going to wait until I am back to working a 4 day week before I tackle this though, as right about now I am a very busy girl working full time and will try and adopt my day off as a good time to write new blog entries and pick up where I left off.

Thank you all for your ongoing support!

TRYING TO FIND A PLACE IN THE BLOGGING WORLD

This blog started out as an infertility blog and inevitably as I got pregnant it became a pregnancy blog and now that I have my son, it is more of a parenting blog. But I feel like I am a bit lost when it comes to writing here these days, so I write less and less and struggle to find topics to write about that aren't drivel, especially knowing who my original audience are. I feel lost in the blogging world and I'm not sure whether to continue on with this blog or to put it to bed. I know the more you write, the more people will follow. Do I just do a monthly update of where life is at? Do I just write when it tickles my fancy (even if they are weeks apart)? Or do I just put it to bed? Thoughts?

TIME FOR CHANGE

At the beginning of every new year we always make a big list of all the things we want to achieve. I didn't really care about anything in the last few except in achieving my dream of having a baby. And here I am on the 1st January 2012 and my little prince is sound asleep in his cot (at least I hope he is!) and I have a clean slate in front of me for the first time in a very long time that doesn't include 'Get pregnant. Have a baby'. I am blessed.

So this year I simply endeavour to be the best mum and wife that I can be. To lose the baby weight and revamp my wardrobe. To wear high heels. To be a great friend. To drink less coffee (yeah right!).

And in the spirit of a new year and new beginnings, I have decided to do a little blog makeover in the coming weeks. Watch this space!

Now to go and re-settle my not so sound asleep baby!

Happy New Year to you all and best wishes for 2012!