ONE MORE SLEEP!

Thanks for all your well wishes and reassurances! I am going to stop letting those negative thoughts in my head and replace them with excitement and happy thoughts for a good outcome tomorrow. We will hear out little babies heartbeat and it will be magical. I have been waiting three years for this moment and I am determined not to let fear ruin it for me. 

JUST TWO MORE SLEEPS!

Only 2 more sleeps until our first scan on Thursday! I'm excited but absolutely and utterly terrified at the same time. I'm so scared they won't find a baby tucked up in there. Is this normal? I know I shouldn't be thinking like that, after all my HCG levels are nice and high (Fridays BT at 6w4d was 47,662) and the MS is still awful. I have been so sick. And Saturday I slept from 10.30pm, woke at 7.30am to take my meds and went back to sleep waking up at 12.10pm! Holy moly! I NEVER do that, I'm an early riser in general and not a daytime sleeper but obviously my body needed it. So I certainly have all the symptoms of a healthy pregnancy but I'm still terrified! The HG was trying to drag me into more baby shops over the weekend but all of a sudden I've become resistant to buying anything. I just want to see that healthy heartbeat before I invest anything more into this dream. Does this make any sense?

At least I have acupuncture today which I am HOPING he will be able to do something to help me get through the days with this morning sickness. This baby must be a boy because surely a little girl wouldn't do this to her mumma . . . and besides, baby has my husbands appetite - cheeseburgers, fries, no fruit, fizzy drinks, pies . . . gotta be a boy!

NAPPY TRAINING

 

THE HG'S WORK OF ART!

Neither the HG nor I have changed a nappy in our lives. Ever. Not once. We brought our first packet of nappies in the supermarket shop a few weeks ago and tonight the HG decided we needed to get one out to examine and figure out how they worked. So out came the teddy bear (we couldn't find the cat) and a good 5 minutes of hysterics as we tried to put it on. You'd think it would be easy right? Pop it between the legs and do it up? Yep, but we spent five minutes trying to remove the 'paper' to reveal the sticky bits to stick it on, only to then figure out it was velcro! We have ALOT to learn!

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

Thank you so much for all your lovely comments that were left after my last post, it was something that had been playing on my mind for quite some time and I appreciate the feedback!

I promise to start documenting more about my continuing journey into motherhood but right now . . . I'm not doing so good. I'm sorry but I have to say it and it doesn't make me any less appreciative of this precious miracle growing inside me, but I feel miserable. You'll remember me wishing for morning sickness just so I could feel pregnant. Well, I now have it. Bad. I vomited 6 times yesterday. I woke up at 4am this morning and spent a good half an hour hovering over the toilet feeling sick. This isn't much fun. I always had the rose tinted glasses view of pregnancy and I just never knew quite how debilitating morning sickness can be. And who called it morning sickness anyway?! This is all day and night sickness! I must say even when I was struggling to concieve I never got upset when reading complaints about MS because let's be honest - no one likes feeling sick to their stomach. It's not a pleasant feeling. I have found one thing that seems to ease it for longer than half an hour and that is Burger King cheeseburgers. Unfortunately the HG doesn't think BK cheeseburgers are very good for me but I tend to argue that baby very much likes BK cheeseburgers because it's the only thing that I can stomach right now. I can understand his concern but surely it's better for me to keep eating cheeseburgers that stay in my stomach than fruit that baby certainly DOES NOT like at all (must take after his daddy who doesn't eat any fruit - that's right, no fruit. Never has, never will!) and just bring it straight back up. What do you think? At least looking on the bright side of things having MS means baby is growing. I have a follow up BT tomorrow to check my rising beta and I think it'll be pretty good considering the way I am feeling. My last one was 12,654 at 5w4d and they said that was high (I checked a website that has a whole lot of average betas for different stages submitted in by thousands of woman and mine was about 5000 above the average so I was very pleased with that) I was also told by the nurse I may be able to come off the progesterone pessaries shortly! Yay!

FEELING LOST

I'm sorry I have been such a slack blogger since I got my BFP. I know it may seem a bit like I finally got pregnant and then decided to abandon my blog and all my followers but the reality is I am just feeling a bit lost. Let me explain - for sooooo long I have been 'the infertile girl' who was striving to get to the end goal. I know pretty much all there is to know about infertility treatements, the ins and outs of it all, the emotions and the angst. And now I am on the other side of the fence and I don't know what to write about. I have survivors guilt. I don't want to bombard you with stories of my morning sickness which has just kicked in, or how tired I am or how nervous I am feeling about my upcoming scan. I don't want to be insensitive to those of you still battling to get your BFP and still living the pain of IF and the uncertainty every day. I have been struggling with FB too as I know my status updates have been a bit 'baby and pregnancy' related and I always said I wasn't going to do that but at the same time I just want to embrace it. I am finally pregnant and I am excited but I am also weary of hurting anyones feelings and coming across as a 'smug' pregnant lady. 

You may also notice I have eased back on my commenting somewhat and that is because I just don't know what to say. I feel like a bit of an intruder and I can feel the pain resonating through some of the blog entries and I feel for you so much. I have offered hugs and thoughts here and there but I don't want to sound like a broken record of 'Keep trudging on because you will get there in the end and it will all be worth it!' as I know how hard that can be to hear when you just don't know whether you will get there and there is so much unknown. I know the author of those comments (myself in some cases) really does mean what they say but to an infertile it can be a comfort but also a curse as it is so scary not knowing whether that is true or not. 

So please bear with me as I try to come to terms with my newfound status and find a place for myself in the IF community. Just know my thoughts are with all of you still battling on to that elusive BFP and if you are a follower who is finding my blog too hard to read now that I am pregnant, then I will not be offended if you choose to un-follow me as I know how hard it can be and you have to do what is right for YOU.  I just thank you for all your support up to this point and wish you all well and BFP's galore!

2WW SYMPTOMS & HCG UPDATE

I've had a request to write a blog entry about what my 2WW symptoms were so here goes!

My main symptom was . . . no symptoms. I had period type cramping and that was about all! I could have sworm my period was coming but the cramping eased off to a full type feeling a few days after the positive test. The only other things I noticed were that my skin was beautiful and clear (I tend to break out in pimples at the first sign of AF arriving) and my nose randomly bled a couple of days before the test. I didn't even know that was a symptom until I posted it on my FB fan page and found out otherwise! My boobs weren't sore, I didn't feel sick (still don't) and I wasn't tired. I still don't really have those symptoms! I did feel a little bit like I had the beginnings of a cold though and my nose has stayed a bit stuffy since then on and off. So if you are in the crazy 2WW don't give up hope! It really does feel like AF and pregnancy symptoms are one and the same so don't write yourself off just because you don't FEEL pregnant because I didn't and STILL don't. GOOD LUCK!!!

I also had my third HCG test today and my levels have risen from 1036 last Friday to 12,654 today. Apparently this is really good so I am stoked. Another hurdle over, just another 6 weeks worth to go!

CHECKING IN!

Hey Ladies, I'm still around just not much to report!

Still no sign of morning sickness, still not tired, still no other pregnancy symptoms to speak of . . . I actually want to start feeling nauseous soon just to FEEL preggers (as crazy as that sounds!) I am now 5 weeks and 1 day. Our first scan is scheduled for the 18th November when I am 7 weeks and 3 days pregnant. Seems sooooo far away! In the meantime trying to take each day at a time and avoid thinking something is going to go wrong. I got the info pack from the clinic today about pregnancy after infertility and how it's totally normal for woman to always be thinking the worst because they want to protect themselves. I'm trying not to though, I promise! One day at a time and happy thoughts . . .

Hope to have some more of you girls joining me soon!