CROOK AS A DOG

First of all, thank you so much for all your responses to my last post. It made me feel heaps better to read all the supportive words and also to know that I am not alone. I am currently at home sick with one hell of a cold which I caught off a workmate on Friday. He was supposed to go home but then we got crazy busy and then last night I started sneezing and my nose started running and I thought 'Uh oh'. A sleepless night to follow and today I feel pretty bloody miserable if I'm honest, but just made myself some chicken soup and drinking my lemon and honey drinks and hoping I can kick its ass before it gets too bad. I gave my midwife a call to ask her what I am allowed to take for a cold while pregnant and after discussing it she asked me how I was getting on in general, to which I told her the truth - that I was feeling a bit anxious about things. So she said she would pop round this afternoon to see me and we could listen to the heartbeat and have a chat. I love my midwife, she is such a caring and lovely woman and I know chatting with her about how I'm feeling and hearing bubs heartbeat will make me feel so much better. In fact, I was so relieved when she said she was going to come around and see me that as soon as I hung up the phone I promptly burst into tears. Hormones getting the better of me I think!

I also think I now know why these worries have started creeping in. We are finding out the sex at our 20 week scan in less than two weeks which is making it feel more real and I think I am only just now starting to really believe we are going to be having a baby. I think I still felt somewhat in shock that I was pregnant and now closing in on the half way mark I am having the sudden realisation that in 5 months time it is going to be ME giving birth and ME holding MY baby and becoming a mummy at long last. Given the way I have been feeling, I think it is even more the right decision for us to find out the sex as it might be just what I need to really believe it. I know this may sound crazy to some of you, but that's how I'm feeling. We had a breakthrough through when the HG and I went out to the baby shop on Sunday and put a pram on layby!! I had been adament I didn't want to spend too much but in the end I opted for a Mountain Buggy Swift which is a bit in the higher price range but not over the top. I pushed it and fell in love with how it steered! Haha. So we now have one big baby item in the process of being paid off. Next is the cot.

Will let you know how the MW appointment goes this afternoon! 

Oh, and for those of you interested or new readers who don't know my full story, my success story has been featured on Krissi's blog 'Stress Free Infertility' which you can read by clicking here.

EDITED TO ADD: I just had my visit from my MW who gave me a huge hug and told me she is happy to pop round anytime. Bubs was moving around heaps which was making the heartbeat quite hard to hear but everything is definately all fine. My bump is measuring exactly 18 weeks (which is what I am today) so all in all my worrying was for nothing. As predicted. And wouldn't you know it - 20 minutes after she left I started getting booted by the baby again. Always the way! Right, off to drink my next lemon and honey drink and take a nap.

WORRY WART

I've been feeling a wee bit paranoid about everything the last few days. Not sure what changed - maybe it's the thought of my upcoming 20 week scan, or maybe it's just the fact my bump appears to have stalled and the ligament pains have stopped and I pretty much feel completely normal for the first time this entire pregnancy (apart from a bit of indigestion due to my craving of oranges! Too much citrus causes heartburn apparently and it's not nice!).

I still haven't brought anything significant for baby. My official excuse is that the spare bedroom is still looking like a storage room that got hit by a truck (apparently the HG is removing his gear this weekend - fingers crossed!) but I think the reality is that even on the verge of 18 weeks I am still too scared to buy anything 'just in case' and I keep pushing it back. Originally it was 'We'll just make sure everything is fine at the 12 week scan first', then it was 'Let's just wait for the results of the NT scan' and then came the 'As soon as we hear the heartbeat at the midwife appointment' and now of course, it's the old 'Let's just wait until we've had our 20 week scan'. At this rate the baby will be sleeping in the bassinet naked. Ok, so slight exageration as we do have a few clothes that I purchased in the beginning pregnancy glow, plus nappies and wipes but that's all. I don't know if all mum's to be are like this or those of us lucky enough to be pregnant after infertility are a breed of our own, but for some reason I find it harder to just let go and enjoy it. Don't get me wrong, I am loving my pregnancy but it's not in the rose-tinted glasses 'everything is going to be perfect!' way I once imagined, where the thought of something going wrong after the 12 week scan would never even cross my mind. I worry too much. Even now, I am writing this feeling some little fluttery kicks (I tend to get those when I'm hungry, I think it must be a hint to eat something) but I still can't help but worry. I think it's also the fact that when you are immersed in the IF community and forums, you see devastating events happen more frequently than a woman who isn't immersed in this world, so it's always there at the back of your mind. And it's bloody scary. 

Hopefully bubs kicks will just keep getting stronger and stronger and more frequent (still only feeling them a couple of times a day at this point and only very lightly) and I'll have an active baby to keep mummy's mind at ease. If it's anything like it's daddy who was probably on the verge of being tested for ADHD when he was a child due to his inability to sit still for longer than 2 minutes (and he's STILL like this - drives me nuts at times!) then I should have a little acrobat on my hands in no time at all and maybe, just maybe, I might be able to relax a wee bit. After all, I still have 22 weeks to go!

WE HAVE MOVEMENT (I THINK!)

I was sitting at the computer this morning when I suddenly noticed what felt like someone lightly tapping their fingers quite low down in my abdomen but from the inside out. It was very light but noticeable and a bit like a muscle twitch which was exactly as someone had described it to me a few days ago. I had started getting really jealous that alot of the girls in my July Birth Club forum who weren't even as far along as me were getting movement and I hadn't felt a thing, so I was super excited when I felt something. I'm currently 16w6d and was told anywhere from about 17 weeks - 22 weeks was pretty usual for a first baby. The fluttering is actually alot lower than I initially thought I would feel it and since then I have felt it a couple more times today (especially after eating a super yummy, super rich afghan biscuit!). I can't wait for the fluttering to get stronger and graduate to real kicks now! The round ligament pain I mentioned the other day has eased off now too and my bump seems to have shrunk again which is weird! I'm learning that the female body is a very mysterious and wonderful thing when it comes to pregnancy.

My cat and dog have also started paying me a bit more attention - the cat has taken to sleeping on my tummy when I'm sleeping in in the morning (he's a foot sleeper usually, not one to climb right up on me) and my dog has been up on the couch cuddling up to me which is unusual because he is definately the HG's dog through and through and usually I just happen to be there and I'm generally ignored. The other night the HG playfully hit me and Shimano jumped inbetween us and knocked him away from me! I think it's safe to say that the pets are starting to sense that I'm pregnant now. I wonder how they will react when a little screaming human being actually appears and takes over their perfect little world?!

OUCH!

The last few days I have been in a bit of pain and had no idea what was going on. It felt like stretching pains so I just assumed that it was the ligament pain that people speak of, even though I had no idea whether it was or not! I wasn't worried though because I knew it wasn't a cramping type pain, more a burning type stretching pain that comes and goes. Anyway, Wednesday I had it really bad so did some research on Dr Google and came to the conclusion it was definately round ligament pain - it was on the right hand side which is the usual complaint too, so I put my mind at ease and tried to ignore it. Well, that night I went home and when I went to get ready for bed was astounded to discover that my bump had popped something shocking! I went into the lounge and said to the HG 'Um, has my bump got bigger or am I imagining things?' and his eyes nearly popped out of his head! How you can go from one size one morning and a completely different size that night is beyond me! I now seriously (seriously!) need to start shopping for maternity clothes but with the change of season approaching and the knowledge of how cold I get at the slightest breath of southerly wind, I might try and get by for another few weeks and then start winter wardrobe shopping. I just hope the pain will stop soon because those ligament pains are really sore! No stretch marks yet though! Woot!

Still waiting to feel some movement too, come on bubba!

BUMP WATCH - 16WKS

It's been awhile since I posted a bump shot, this was taken today at 16w0d.

 

WE HAVE A DATE!

Ladies, we have a date! I am very excited to say that we will be finding out whether we are Team Blue or Team Pink on the 11th February. Not long to wait at all! We had a midwife appointment today and apparently I am in perfect health. All my tests came back wonderful and I turned to the HG and said 'Well, that's a first!'. After 3 years of tests and ops that revealed bad news (low progesterone, blocked tubes, polycystic looking ovaries . . . oh look - a uterine polyp! And another one! You get the idea) it was such a relief to be told that everything is perfect for once and baby and I are in tip top shape.

We got to hear the heartbeat for the first time too which was amazing as until now we have seen it but not heard it. As it's been a month since our last scan, it was such a relief to hear a nice strong heart beating away. Even though my belly continues to grow, as the MS starts to ease off I haven't felt as pregnant which can cause a few nerves (but just a few, I promise!) so was lovely to hear that, even for just a few minutes. I am excited at the prospect of feeling some first movements in the coming weeks aswell, as apparently it could be anytime from here on in. I truly can't wait for that time.

I also got my official results from those risk factor tests for Downs syndrome and Trisomy 13 and 18 and they are:

Downs syndrome - 1:21,000

T13 - 1:100,000

T18 - 1:100,000

And at the bottom in capitals was written LOW RISK. Phew!

BACK FROM HOLIDAY!

Sorry if you've been wondering where I've got to! I really meant to pop on and mention the fact I was off on holiday and wouldn't have access to a computer for 5 days but I never got around to it (typical!) and since I now have quite a few emails in my Inbox asking if I'm ok I thought I'd better jump on and let you know that YES, I'm fine! I went to New Plymouth (which is 5 hours up the North Island from Wellington for those overseas) to visit family and spend some time with my Nana. Had a fabulous time and came back loaded with the most lovely gifts from my Nana for the baby. Bubs is being spoilt! She made us a gorgeous teddy bear cot duvet, a knitted patchwork quilt, a crochet blanket, another knitted patchwork quilt with a piece of material attached to the back with puppies on it and about 6 pairs of booties! She is also making some cardies and matching hats so we are very, very spoilt and I appreciate her time and effort so much! Our baby is due the middle of winter so all the woolen goodies are going to be absolutely wonderful to keep baby nice and cosy and warm! And look gorgeous too of course!

It was also nice to spend some time with the HG who upon getting home has immediately gone out on the boat fishing! Men! I think holiday's are about the only time I get to spend some quality time with him! The morning sickness had pretty much disappeared again and gave me no trouble while I was away . . . until I came home. Within 3 hours of eating lunch at home I vomited it all up. Absolutely gutted as at 15 weeks today (woohoo!) I thought that it may have been over by now. Nevermind. I have been eating really healthy and filling myself up with veges and fruit (thanks Nana!) and plan to carry on eating this way. I've felt quite guilty about my poor diet throughout this pregnancy, like I was letting myself and my baby down after all the trouble it took us to get here, but I just have to remind myself that it's because I simply couldn't keep the good foods down. Now I can and I plan to make up for it in a big way! I have also had another belly burst and the bump has grown so will make sure to take another photo very soon and get that up for you.

Phew! So that's what I've been up to! We have another midwife appointment on Friday, I'm back to work on Thursday and we will have another scan and find out babies sex in about 5 weeks! So exciting. If you haven't already, make sure you pop over and have a guess on my thread 'The Guessing Game' as to whether you think it will be a boy or girl, date, time and weight. 

Lovely to be back and I apologise that I haven't been around to read all your blogs and comment as much as usual, will be catching up on those as well! Promise!

2010 IN REVIEW

I saw this on Holly's blog and thought it was a wonderful idea! I must admit I haven't copied all questions as some of them I couldn't think of answers to so I narrowed it down to 19. So here goes:

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?:

I went through an egg collection (not fun!) for the first time, flew to Australia and of course, got pregnant.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?:

My New Years Resolution of 2010 was to be pregnant by Christmas which I did achieve. I haven't made any for this year unless you count seeing my friends who are still battling for their BFP's to be pregnant by the end of this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Lot's! You can't be on a forum of women TTC and not know people who succeed and have beautiful babies.

4. Did anyone close to you die?:

Not this year, thank God! Although I did have friends who lost their precious bundles  which was devastating.

5. What countries did you visit?:

Only Australia this year! Had never been before and had a wonderful visit (although wasn't too keen on the spiders . . .)

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?:

To give birth to a healthy baby.

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?: 

Labour Day which is the day we found out our third IVF cycle had worked. I was in shock and cried so much that day.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?:

Other than getting pregnant, getting my drivers license (at last!) after years of procrastinating. I'd spent so much time apartment living in the city where there are no carparks and traveling that I had never got around to it and the longer I left it the scarier it got. But I passed! 

9. What was your biggest failure?:

I don't know that I would call it a failure per se but having my first IVF cycle cancelled due to over response and then a BFN on the second attempt was devastating.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?:

I had mild OHSS after the second IVF attempt and that really knocked me around for a good week or so and was really painful.

11. Where did most of your money go?:

Honestly, probably on acupuncture. Fortnightly treatments get expensive fast!

12. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Getting pregnant of course!

13. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or more sad?: Much happier
ii. thinner or fatter?: Fatter (and proud of it!)
iii. richer or poorer?: Poorer (just until I get my credit card sorted!)

14. What was your favourite TV programme?:

Lost, Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice. Was so gutted to see Lost come to an end.

15. What was the best book you read?:

The Twilight Saga (yes, sad but true!)

16. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?:

I was 28 and for the life of me I can't remember what I did! Can't have been much . . .

17. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?:

Boring! I brought hardly any new clothes as all my focus was on achieving our dream and getting through the IVF cycles.

18. What kept you sane?:

Losing myself in books, this blog, my husband and my friends.

19. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:

Not to give up no matter how hard or impossible it seems.

 

GREAT START TO 2011!

I'm afraid I have to disappoint you with only words and no photo's (my bad, forgot the camera) but I caught my first snapper this morning! I am so excited! I have been out on the boat with the HG a few times and never caught much so I was thrilled to catch one today. We had only been out on the water and anchored up for about 30 minutes before I caught my very first one (and reeled it in all by myself!) but before I had a chance to celebrate I had put my line back down and immediately felt the tug . . . reeling up three of the suckers at once! Within an hour we had our limit and I had caught 13 of the 20. I think this baby is a lucky charm, clearly it is going to take after it's daddy in the fishing department cos mummy has never been much good at this fishing stuff . . . until now! And not even a teeny bit of nausea. SUCCESS! A wonderful start to 2011, succeeding at something new and spending some quality time with the HG. He has now gone off to dive for some crayfish and I plan to spend the rest of the day laxed out on the couch after my 4.30am wake up call.

Happy 2011 everyone! May you all be truly blessed.