IDENTITY CRISIS (AND THANKS!)

First of all, I have to say a huge thank you for all the congratulations. I really appreciate them and I know how hard hearing about 2nd pregnancies can be (especially when you are still in the trenches for #1 or battling secondary infertility yourselves) so thank you for embracing it and offering up your congratulations to me. 

I feel like I have been battling through a bit of an identity crisis the past few weeks and not been able to talk about it because I hadn't announced I was pregnant. I had told a few family and close friends but not stepped outside of the security of that group of people because I feel like I jumped the queue. Like I stole someone else's BFP. That I don't 'deserve' to be pregnant because I didn't have to fight for it. I know this makes utterly no sense and is ridiculous thinking but after being part of the IF world for so long, it is hard to change the conditioning of your thoughts. I identified with being infertile for3 long years of my life and when pregnant with C I was still infertile but a pregnant infertile who battled through the woods to get to where I was. Now I feel like a rip off because we got pregnant without even trying. By having unprotected sex once. By somehow defying all the odds and becoming one of 'those' woman who got pregnant without even trying. 

And I feel bad about it and I feel like I have lost a big part of the person I was. I feel like a big part of my identity has been stolen. 

I am happy to be pregnant but feel like I should have had to work harder to get here.


How ridiculous do I sound? 

I HAVE A CONFESSION ...

I am currently 10 weeks pregnant.

Yes, you read that right. 

It was a HUGE surprise and it took me about a week to adjust to the idea as I was worried that Cohen would miss out on so much with me being pregnant again so soon but now we are thrilled to be adding to our little family. We had our first scan a few weeks ago where I discovered I was further along than I assumed and would have already been 5 weeks pregnant when I eventually tested.


As you may recall, I wrote a post awhile ago about whether we wanted to attempt to try for another baby or not (you can read that post here) and then we made our decision. Well, seems we were too late with that decision to wait awhile longer before TTC again and I ovulated on day 8 of my cycle which was around the one time we didn't use protection since Cohen was born. Fast forward 3 weeks and I was pondering why on day 29, no AF! I had all the usual symptoms of AF being on her way but she just wasn't appearing. Every day since day 26 I was saying to the HG that it still hadn't shown up and every day he would tell me to test, but I kept putting him off and telling him that it was ridiculous to test because there was no way I could be pregnant ... I hadn't even been fertile at the one time of the month we didn't use anything (or so I thought!). Come day 29 though, I gave in and decided to test. I tested and watched the control line appear and walked away telling the HG that I wasn't and having a laugh about even testing (cos we all know those stupid things don't work!). 2 minutes later and I hear the HG going 'Um, babe, you might want to look at this' to which I replied 'Bugger off!'. But sure enough ... 2 lines. And again on the next test that I made the HG go out and buy after discovering the first one was a year out on its expiry date. I spent the rest of the night repeating 'How does this even happen?'.

Seems some Urban Myths can come true and come this Christmas Cohen will be a big brother!

NOTE: Please if you know me IRL on FB, do not say anything as we will not be announcing until after we have had our 12 week scan on the 28th May and know that everything is ok. Thanks.

1ST BIRTHDAY LOOMING

I can't believe it is nearly Cohen's 1st birthday. Next month! Where did the time go! It is a dramatic difference how fast the time flies past me now compared to when we were TTC. This means I need to start thinking about a party! Initially I had planned to have quite a big birthday party for him but I have had a change of heart and decided to just do a smaller afternoon tea with close family and friends so I can concentrate on my little birthday boy rather than trying to entertain the guests. I need to get cracking on organising it and starting to think about the 1st birthday cake! Eek!

Anyone have any ideas on what I could do to make it extra special?