Friday, July 8, 2011


Thank you so much for all your lovely words of congratulations! I just had to post this photo of my baby boy in his knitted woollies that his Great Nana knitted for him - so cute!

As for how things are going on the mummy and daddy front . . . well, we are actually managing pretty darn well except for the fact that I am finding breastfeeding to be such a struggle. I never knew how hard it could be and have discovered since Cohen arrived that it is just another one of those 'silent' topics (just like infertility is) that never seems to be spoken about, yet so many woman experience it. It seems I have jumped from one challenge to another. We have latch issues, even with a shield. Maybe because he is so small or maybe he just doesn't like having to make the effort, who knows. I spent 7 days in hospital already trying to master the art of something that I was always led to believe would come naturally. I could never figure out why people gave up so quickly, no one ever actually came out and said that it's because it's so hard! Master C gets so distressed when he isn't getting instant food (he has no patience whatsoever!) and I end up in tears because I feel like I am failing him. At the moment I am exclusively breast pumping and feeding it to him in bottles and supplementing with formula when I absolutely have to. I know it's not ideal and frowned upon but this is what is working for us at the moment. I have a lactation consultant coming to see me on Monday so hopefully we can make more progress then. Other than that, we are surviving on very little sleep (4 hours total last night!) but we're so in love we have no complaints. He truly is our precious little miracle.


  1. I never did manage it. Even with 3 sons, I never got it. They just never seemed to get enough milk from me. I know its best for them but I always hated the way midwives/health visitors and the media makes a mother feel so useless when it doesn't happen naturally. I felt such a failure but I did find bottle feeding much better as I could see how much food the boys were getting and knew when they were satisfied with what they had. The one thing I have learnt most about parenthood over the years is that you have to do what makes life easiest for YOU and baby. You are still in the very early days with Cohen and I don't think anyone should be made to feel bad for giving thier baby formula. It's better to have some food and nourishment than none at all!

  2. Omygoodness Congratulations! He is absolutely amazing! And that outfit is precious!
    Wishing you a wonderful journey in this new chapter in your life.
    Lots of luck with breastfeeding and all the joys of motherhood!

  3. you are amazing...

    and so is your boy...

    that is all...

  4. Breastfeeding really is an unspoken issue in a lot of ways...we didn't have the troubles you're having but we're about to stop at 5 months and people have been very condescending about our choice. Be proud of your choices--you have to do what works best for you and your family. If you end up stopping pumping and just doing formula...then rock that bottle :-) The one thing I've learned these last few months is that I need to do what works best for us and not what I "thought" I would do. Best of luck!

  5. Girl don't give up but I completly understand. Who knew breast feeding was going to be so hard. It's non stop work and someones life depends on it. I tried pumping this week but my pump sucks so I started to cry and yell at the pump. You are being an awesome mom, keep it up.

  6. Sorry to hear that it's been such a struggle, but as long as he gets some food in his belly it's ok and it sounds like you're really trying. Don't give up!

  7. He's so cute! Sorry to hear about your breastfeeding challenges and from what I've read you are right - a lot of women assume it should happen naturally but from what I've read it can take weeks (or months with twins) to get everything working well for you and the baby. Great idea to hire a lactation consultant. I hope she can guide you in the right direction!

  8. I don't comment often, but I read all your blogs.

    Very cute. Love Great-Nana's knitting :)

    Don't let them frown on you - any breast milk is better than none, and if he needs formula to grow and not be hungry then so be it. Follow your instincts and remember that if he's warm, fed and loved then you're doing a great job! I hope it gets easier for you :)

  9. It sounds like you are having very similar issues that I had with breastfeeding. My daughter wasn't latching correctly. It hurt! I was so determined to keep trying that I was literally pumping blood into her baby bottles, my nipples were so cracked and sore! She fussed and cried and beat her little hands against my breast, rooting for her own fist! It was a race against time, as I put her down for a nap, to pump enough for the next round, clean the bottles/equipment, get some rest myself, and do it all over again! She lost a little too much weight and I started supplementing (like you) with formula when absolutely necessary. I would flinch in pain as her mouth came to my chest. My labor contractions were nothing compared to this type of agonizing pain! I cried. Baby girl cried. I was a wreck! I saw three lc's and finally one showed me a different position to try while breastfeeding. Baby was about 3 weeks old. Football hold. It didn't hurt as much, and then miraculously it became a wonderful experience! My daughter is 27 months old and still nurses.

    I will tell you this, though...had I not found a solution, I was days away from quitting and doing formula. Don't feel guilty if you reach this point & absolutely don't let anyone else make you feel guilty! You know what's best for you and your baby. Big congratulations to you!!

  10. Haidee, one of my friend struggled to bf her first and then second time round she only expessed. She build up a good supply, he took only from the bottle and she felt like she was giving him the nutrient she want to. It work so well that she had to throw milk out because she was producing too much. Breast feeding from a bottle is still good. And if that doesn't work then formular is great too. My mum is very pro breastfeeding but said it is better to have a happy family with a bottle fed baby than an unhappy family with a breastfed baby. Good luck!

  11. Make sure the lactation consultant checks for a tongue tie, that was the problem with my daughter. They are very under diagnosed. (
    Also, find your local HM4HB page on facebook and get donor milk which is way better than formula.(
    Also, instead of supplementing from a bottle, use a supplemenatary nursing system (tube attached to your nipple with the other end of the tube in the bottle) This will help ensure your supply doesn't suffer, and help prevent nipple confusion issues.

    Best of luck :)

  12. I can't imagine that anyone would "frown upon" what you're doing. To me it sounds like you're doing everything you can to give your kid the best start to life. Don't forget to take care of yourself, too.

  13. Oh Haidee I think it is unspoken of too like infertility but Im lucky I have two older sisters and a friend who all breast friend and all had it hard for first 2 they have given me some knowledge and often talk about lobbying a support group for breast feeding as one sister said when she fed it was like knives running through her nipples whilst baby drank and she tapped her feet to take herself away from focusing off the pain....I think if you get right support behind you things will work out and do not let anyone judge whatever decision you make but definately not alone in that its hard!!! but I think I like Kirsty idea of tube system to your nipple re nipple confusion wow how times have changed..

    and I adore his knitted outfit...i want one for my baby one day I can crochet but cant knit but I love the knitted outfits and so precious when made by someone close to you xx

  14. CONGRATULATIONS Haidee on your fabulous new addition - he is simply gorgeous!!
    I don't normally comment but this issue is something I also experienced and struggled with. I had numerous issues as did my son once he was born, including an emergency c-section, my son had very low blood sugar so had to have top ups (and was enormous!), terrible pain, bleeding, cracked nipples, PCOS so my milk supply was low etc etc and I too agonised about how to deal with it, but after 5 weeks of expressing (which is hard work also!) I decided that on top of the pain and anxiety of IVF I just physically couldn't take anymore and that a HAPPY mother who bottle fed was much much better for my baby!! So do whatever YOU need to do to stay sane and it will be right for your baby. Fantastic to see a lactation consultant, but ultimately only you know what you have been through and what you are going through. GOOD LUCK!! Whatever you decide your son will be so lucky and is such a gift.

  15. He's so beautiful! Congratulations on your sweet baby boy! I love his little boots!

    You're doing the best you can with breastfeeding, and that's what's best for you and your baby! I had so many problems, too, and it turned out that we've had to mostly use formula and have breastfed as much as we can. Of course I wish I produced more, but in the end you ahve to do what's best for you and your baby.

  16. Congratulations, he is absolutely gorgeous and that outfit is so precious.

    As for the breastfeeding, if it happens then it happens but the most important thing is he is being feed and if that is with breast milk or formula it doesn't matter. Don't feel like you are failing him because you aren't.

    Enjoy being a mother, I hope I can join you soon in this most precious gift.

  17. Hello Haidee, I've been following your blog for a while now and wow what a journey you have been on! Congratulations Hun, he's absolutley gorgeous, well done! Can I just say that u are doing a great job, and please don't ever feel like you are a failue as a mother. I believe another unspoken truth about parenthood is that everything to do with raising babies is learnt on the job...feeding, settling, comforting, bathing, clothing, teaching and when they get older, disciplining, the list goes on and on. I don't believe any new mother is a pro at any of it when first handed your new bundle of joy, and the key here is to allow yourselves TIME as new parents to LEARN the skills. However, I bet come the first birthday you will look back on the year and be amazed at how much you've learned and how proud you are of your and your partners efforts :)

    And now on the topic of breast feeding. As mum who struggled with breastfeeding and decided to formula feed from 3 months and now has a healthy thriving 2yr old, it beaks my heart when I hear of women feeling guilty or like they are doing the wrong thing if they bottle feed / formula feed.

    Please know that babies THRIVE on formula, and it is good for them! I think this message gets left out of the equation when talking about 'breast is best'. Often us mums are left feeling guilty, like we are doing the wrong thing if we bottle feed or formula feed but this shpuld not be not the case! Nowhere does it say formula is bad for your baby. So please be kind to youself and your baby and don't ever feel like a failure for feeding your baby the nutrients he needs to thrive, be it thru breast or formula. A baby thriving on formula is better than a baby dropping weight on breast alone, right? Sometimes mums milk supply or milk quality isn't sufficient, or attachment issues or excruciating pain is causing problems - all very common. In these cases breast alone is not always best for mum and baby (I wish the health authorities would promote this more too, not just 'breast is best').

    Again, you are doing a great job. You are not a failure nor are u doing the wrong thing by doing what works for you and your son. Keep up the good work Hun!

  18. Haidee, you already know I had trouble, and I noticed that Kirsty above posted about her daughters undiagnosed tongue-tie.. My son was the same. It was diagnosed at sleep school at 5wks old. Its not biggey, but it does explain alot and made me feel better knowing it wasn't all my fault. I swear labour was easy compared to b'feeding. Its ok to admit that its bloody hard, dont be fooled by other mums smiling and b'feeding like its a sport. Everyone remembers what its like the first time. Its weird to get your head around a little person sucking off them, that kinda freaked me out.

    Keep at it, and I successfully formula and b'feed for 6mths, so it should not be looked down upon. He needs to be fed, and you need your sanity. Whatever works for you, and keep that motto for everything!

  19. Haidee, just wanted to add that at the clinic I went to, the nurses told us all that in this day and age, the quality of formula is as good as Bmilk, so dont get take any notice of anyone putting down formula. My friend b'fed her son till 12mths old and he has asthma and mine doesn't. Do what is best for you, and I love what Jill's mum said. That is brilliant!

  20. Let the people frown upon it. You do what works for you guys. I'd say not giving up is a pretty big achievement!