We went to the in-laws for an Easter Sunday roast pork lunch on the weekend and while I was chatting in the kitchen with my mother-in-law (while the boys were watching sports on TV - surprise, surprise!) the conversation turned to whether we were planning to prevent another pregnancy after this baby is born or whether we will just wait and see what happens.
My FS told the HG and I that if we wanted to have a second child then we should forget our preconceived ideas of what we would LIKE the gap between children to be and start trying immediately after the baby is born as the first 3-6 months would be the window of opportunity while we are super fertile and if we decide to wait then we may end up with just the one child. We do have one embryo in the freezer but whether that will even defrost we have no idea. I know I'm getting ahead of myself even thinking about this but it's been a topic of conversation on the forums I frequent lately and many people have been asking me, so it's got me thinking. Before I knew IF would be an issue I always wanted at LEAST 2 - 3 year gaps between children. I couldn't fathom the idea of two under 2! But what happens if we don't take his advice and then we can't have another child? Will we look back with regret? Another IVF cycle is not an option so it's either the successful FET or a natural (immaculate?) conception.
What would you do?
My FS told the HG and I that if we wanted to have a second child then we should forget our preconceived ideas of what we would LIKE the gap between children to be and start trying immediately after the baby is born as the first 3-6 months would be the window of opportunity while we are super fertile and if we decide to wait then we may end up with just the one child. We do have one embryo in the freezer but whether that will even defrost we have no idea. I know I'm getting ahead of myself even thinking about this but it's been a topic of conversation on the forums I frequent lately and many people have been asking me, so it's got me thinking. Before I knew IF would be an issue I always wanted at LEAST 2 - 3 year gaps between children. I couldn't fathom the idea of two under 2! But what happens if we don't take his advice and then we can't have another child? Will we look back with regret? Another IVF cycle is not an option so it's either the successful FET or a natural (immaculate?) conception.
What would you do?
I'm a few years down the track from where you are and have been in the same situation. My option and it is my own opinion, definately start trying straight away. I got pregnant with No. 2 on my first period after Joshua (who was IVF.) Sadly my pregnancy ended in a late miscarriage and so I went back to the clinic to use my seven remaining embies. Four did not defrost and the other three were BFN. Getting pregnant naturally is definately worth a go and much easier! If you are breastfeeding I'm pretty certain it masks your PCOS, well it worked for me! And nothing wrong with planning for the future :)
ReplyDeleteI would take that window of opportunity! I've got secondary and wish I had have done that after my son is born. He is now 3 and we don't know when he will get a sibling! If I do get pregnant again, I will definately take that window!!
ReplyDeleteI would not pass up a chance of a super fertile time. Throw the GAP issue out the window, its a load of CRAP. No matter what you would cope, you would be ok if you naturally fell pregnant, and had 2 babies to care for. Look at Liv with twins. Take this from someone who went back on the PILL to prevent a sibling, and now that choice has been taken away from me by infertility. I will never take the pill again. Ever!
ReplyDeleteour game plan is to just let nature take its course at the end of all of this, my tubes are so damaged that if magically it happened for us then it is meant to be, if not, I don't think we will go through the adventure again.
ReplyDeleteAs soon as you have the first one you'll want another... I was only having one child, but as soon as my daughter was born I was keen to have another! She is 10 months old and we are trying now, I would have done it sooner but DH wasn't keen. And by having them close together you can get all of the sleepless nights/nappy changing yucky bits all over and done with in the space of a few hectic years... Instead of doing 2 years with one, having a break, then having to start all over again!! See how you feel when your son is born, and let that guide your decision.
ReplyDeletepersonally I know I would try right away. Im up to my 5th fertility treatment, (3 iui's and on my 2nd ivf) and have always said to my husband that im never going back on birth control. I will take whatever gift I can get and whenever It comes. Even if its hard to have more than 1 baby in such a small space of time, I figure I have waited so long for a baby I will happily take more whenever. I dont want to go through any more IVF's, they are just too hard. That is what I would do. Treasure what you have got and just go with the flow, if you should be lucky enough to "accidentely" have another baby right away treasure that too. what a gift.
ReplyDeleteThis one is hard as I'm resigned to be happy and content with one child. Although the thought has crossed my mind - I will never do IVF again and I have no frosties either. If I wanted another child it will have to be by natural conception. At this stage I have to take into consideration my age, financial position and my health. Age - I have to start TTC now. Financial - can we live on one income? Can my mother handle looking after 2 kids whilst I work part time? Health - pre-diabetes, have to lose weight first. Emotional - can I handle long term IF again if i'm unlucky. Haidee, you have to think about all these issues and some more, talk to DH and then come up with at least an interim decision. I'll wait till your bub is born and see how you are coping for a couple of months and then decide.
ReplyDeleteIf you definitely want another baby then I would just go with the flow and not try/not prevent. I guess like most things, you adapt so if you did have another pretty close, it will all fall into place.
ReplyDeleteOnly you and HG can really decide but like I said if you def want another and this was the FS advice I would not be using any prevention :)
Hump like rabbits, it will be like twins. I say either have 'em really close together or really far apart.
ReplyDeletePersonally I would take the FS advice and not prevent. Before I started TTC I always thought people who didn't prevent after pregnancy were a bit nuts but now that its taking soooooo long I don't care and plan to see what happens... if I ever get to be UTD in the first place of course! I guess you have to weigh up whats more important to you and HG.
ReplyDeleteWhen I have a baby I'm not going to use anything. But you need to decided what's right for you and HG. If you would be ok with 2 close in age then don't use anything. If you would be happy if one is all you'll have then use something. You can just see how you feel. Chances are you will be to tired to have sex anyway. It's not just about emotionally being ready but also financially. I remember asking Ali this question when V was born and she said she wouldn't and she has like 4 or 5 frozen embryos. So everyone is different. What does HG think?
ReplyDeleteWe have often thought about this too and we decided just to never use protection again!
ReplyDeleteIf it happens really soon then I think it is just meant to be!
If not then we will try our other frostie with a FET cycle maybe a year or 2 afterwards.
Go with your gut feeling! xoxo
I would go for it Haidee. I think it would be the most amazing thing to concieve naturally after IVF - it's worth a try :)
ReplyDeleteYes I believe like Jill that you and HG will decide whats best when the time come...I know for myself with my complicated infertility my FS already said that breastfeeding is perfect for helping my endometriosis, the pill when I dont want a baby but he recommends not to leave a long time in between.. I know that some say its better to have them further apart as you get to enjoy each one individually and see them grow as a toddler and wait until the first is out of nappies but if its at risk of not getting a second child I would go the second child asap but everyone is different...I would not judge any woman with infertility issues wanting a small gap with second child as the journey you have endured for the first child is enough to desire to get your second one asap....but I depise those fertile women who want their kids 2 years apart and bam they get it..everything falls into place as they planned ell naturelle..its not so perfect for others
ReplyDeleteI have a 6 weeks old boy after ICSI and is fully breast-feeding at the moment. I asked my obstetrician the same question whether I can try straight away. As I had C-section, his advice was to wait for 3 months. Then I asked whether we should use protection, he thought with our infertility and me fully breast-feeding, the risk of pregnant again is equavalent to being on contraceptive pill. I have to admit I miss being pregnant and are so very keen to be pregnant again either naturally (which would be a huge blessing) or having my 2 frosties implanted. However, fertility clinic would not do implantation until I finish breast-feeding anyway.
ReplyDeleteHi Haidee. Well, I planned initially on getting preggers (or tyring anyway) after my son was born, but never realised that breastfeeding meant I wouldnt be able too. I breastfed till 12 months, which was a surprise as I was never all pro breastfeeding, but really enjoyed it, plus it was cheaper. So, the upshot of all this was no period till son was about 13 months old. PLayed havoc with my plans! Good luck with your own though!
ReplyDeleteWe're in the same boat. I have DOR so the RE told us to plan to have them close together anyway. I would have liked to try to space them out but clearly I'm not the one choosing the timing here, so my plan is just to breastfeed and not prevent. I do want a bunch though and worry that the difficulty of having two close together (if we are lucky enough to get PG on our own right away) would be so overwhelming that we would decide we're done, when spacing them out would make it more manageable and would make us okay with going for a third.
ReplyDeleteNothing about this is easy :)
So sorry you have to think about such things already! I have not had fertility issues, but I can guess that it is very difficult not to have things on your mind all the time. If I could say just one thing it would be to enjoy the moment you are in. Each day be thankful, and try not to worry about what's next. Love your HG, love your baby, be content. If you keep looking forward you risk missing the 'now'. [Just a word to 'One perfect emby' - I hope you don't really despise people like me who have 4 gorgeous kids, all 2 years apart! That would eat away at your soul and doesn't help anybody.]
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