IDENTITY CRISIS (AND THANKS!)

First of all, I have to say a huge thank you for all the congratulations. I really appreciate them and I know how hard hearing about 2nd pregnancies can be (especially when you are still in the trenches for #1 or battling secondary infertility yourselves) so thank you for embracing it and offering up your congratulations to me. 

I feel like I have been battling through a bit of an identity crisis the past few weeks and not been able to talk about it because I hadn't announced I was pregnant. I had told a few family and close friends but not stepped outside of the security of that group of people because I feel like I jumped the queue. Like I stole someone else's BFP. That I don't 'deserve' to be pregnant because I didn't have to fight for it. I know this makes utterly no sense and is ridiculous thinking but after being part of the IF world for so long, it is hard to change the conditioning of your thoughts. I identified with being infertile for3 long years of my life and when pregnant with C I was still infertile but a pregnant infertile who battled through the woods to get to where I was. Now I feel like a rip off because we got pregnant without even trying. By having unprotected sex once. By somehow defying all the odds and becoming one of 'those' woman who got pregnant without even trying. 

And I feel bad about it and I feel like I have lost a big part of the person I was. I feel like a big part of my identity has been stolen. 

I am happy to be pregnant but feel like I should have had to work harder to get here.


How ridiculous do I sound? 

I HAVE A CONFESSION ...

I am currently 10 weeks pregnant.

Yes, you read that right. 

It was a HUGE surprise and it took me about a week to adjust to the idea as I was worried that Cohen would miss out on so much with me being pregnant again so soon but now we are thrilled to be adding to our little family. We had our first scan a few weeks ago where I discovered I was further along than I assumed and would have already been 5 weeks pregnant when I eventually tested.


As you may recall, I wrote a post awhile ago about whether we wanted to attempt to try for another baby or not (you can read that post here) and then we made our decision. Well, seems we were too late with that decision to wait awhile longer before TTC again and I ovulated on day 8 of my cycle which was around the one time we didn't use protection since Cohen was born. Fast forward 3 weeks and I was pondering why on day 29, no AF! I had all the usual symptoms of AF being on her way but she just wasn't appearing. Every day since day 26 I was saying to the HG that it still hadn't shown up and every day he would tell me to test, but I kept putting him off and telling him that it was ridiculous to test because there was no way I could be pregnant ... I hadn't even been fertile at the one time of the month we didn't use anything (or so I thought!). Come day 29 though, I gave in and decided to test. I tested and watched the control line appear and walked away telling the HG that I wasn't and having a laugh about even testing (cos we all know those stupid things don't work!). 2 minutes later and I hear the HG going 'Um, babe, you might want to look at this' to which I replied 'Bugger off!'. But sure enough ... 2 lines. And again on the next test that I made the HG go out and buy after discovering the first one was a year out on its expiry date. I spent the rest of the night repeating 'How does this even happen?'.

Seems some Urban Myths can come true and come this Christmas Cohen will be a big brother!

NOTE: Please if you know me IRL on FB, do not say anything as we will not be announcing until after we have had our 12 week scan on the 28th May and know that everything is ok. Thanks.

1ST BIRTHDAY LOOMING

I can't believe it is nearly Cohen's 1st birthday. Next month! Where did the time go! It is a dramatic difference how fast the time flies past me now compared to when we were TTC. This means I need to start thinking about a party! Initially I had planned to have quite a big birthday party for him but I have had a change of heart and decided to just do a smaller afternoon tea with close family and friends so I can concentrate on my little birthday boy rather than trying to entertain the guests. I need to get cracking on organising it and starting to think about the 1st birthday cake! Eek!

Anyone have any ideas on what I could do to make it extra special?

GROUNDHOG DAY

As mentioned before, Cohen's latest trick is to stand up on the furniture. But now it is all the time. Anything that he can pull himself up on, he does. Only problem is that because the little mite can't sit, he inevitably topples head first. Most babies at the stage of climbing would just fall backwards onto their bums in a sitting position. Mine topples like a stone statue - either straight back or to the side. Bang. Wah. "Mum, mum, mum". Wah. We have cuddles and then he's fine. So I put him down on the floor and he crawls off and finds his next climbing target and does the exact same thing. Again. Sometimes I manage to race across the room (picture slow motion diving) and catch him mid fall but sometimes, no matter how vigilant I am, he manages to slip through my fingers again and it's the inevitable, BANG. WAH. It's like groundhog day.

We also had another bad mummy moment on Sunday. I'm ashamed to admit that he fell off the change table. I think I was alot more shaken than he was! Babies are incredibly resilient but I got the fright of my life! I only turned my back and lifted my hand for 2 seconds to grab the nappy cream and like slow motion, I saw him go. A few tears and he was fine but my heart didn't stop pounding for a long time afterwards. And then I ahd to confess to the HG. Oops! We will be using the change mat on the floor from now on!

In better news, I have a tall child on my hands. Which is strange because both the HG and I are short asses. How he is in the 98th percentile for height for his age (77.5cm tall) I just don't know! He's still only 9.3kg in weight, so he's long and lean. We do need to take him to a doctor though as his front fontanelle has closed prematurely (they're not supposed to close until 15 months) but because his head is still growing, hopefully it will just need to be monitored and nothing to worry about. As a mum though, any little thing of concern can eat you up so I have been staying away from Dr Google and will just schedule an appointment at our local GP soon, just to be on the safe side. All in all though, I have a healthy wee cherub who is going to be a hell of a handful once he figures out walking running. I think he'll skip the walking stage!

EASTER CHEEKER!

Remember what I was saying the other day about C not liking to hold his own food?

Apparently that does not apply to chocolate!

QUIRKS & OBSTACLES

I'm pretty sure all babies have their quirks. Some won't sleep, some won't roll, some won't eat off a spoon, some refuse the bottle and some probably hate the water.

We have a few quirks making their appearance at the moment: #1. C refuses to sit. #2. He won't pick up and eat food, he will only be spoonfed, and #3. He refuses to stand in water.

#3 doesn't bother me, in fact I find it highly amusing. He LOVES his bath time but you have to put him down in the bath by lowering him onto his back. You can't put him in feet first because he will lift his little legs up as high as he can so he doesn't dip his toes in the water. Even when I lift him out of the bath and try to shake the water off him and lower him into a standing position, he refuses to put his legs down. Same thing at the beach. Except at the beach I made him dip his toes in the ocean which resulted in hysterical crying. Strange child.

As for #1 and #2, these are causing a few hazards. The no sitting thing is mostly causing him a headache. He can now climb up things (and does it at every opportunity he can get!) but then he doesn't know how to get down. Most babies would fall backwards onto their bums in a sitting position, but mine falls backwards onto his bum and then backwards again onto his head (or sideways from a standing position and onto his head). Needless to say we often get a few tears due to this. If I attempt to put him into a sitting position he will pull his legs back up against him and try to force himself up into a standing position. I'm not sure at this point if it's a case of can't sit or won't sit but being a paranoid first time mummy, I turned to Google (duh!) and read that by 9 months old they should be able to sit unassisted by now and if not then you should see a doctor. Cue a bit of panic. But then I spoke to someone in my IVF group who mentioned that their daughter was the same and didn't sit until they were 1. So I will try not to be overly concerned at this point and ride it out as one of his quirks. Albeit one that causes a few tears per day.

Then comes #2. He doesn't like touching food or any strange textures that he is not used to. This is where the obstacles of being a working mum kicks in. My MIL does all three daily meals so it's hard for me to be consistent on this particular quirk as I am not the one feeding him during the week and I can't expect her to let him get filthily covered in food and bathed every day to try and teach him how to feed himself. He will eat his biccies and rusks, but anything else (like toast, sandwiches or fruit) gets promptly screwed up or flicked off his hand. This is something I need to work on as he should be eating snacks by now and not just being a little prince who eats all food off a spoon! Although, I can see how that could be appealing! So this Easter, my goal is to get messy with him and introduce him to a range of foods and textures and see what happens. Except, we did try this last night and he would not even attempt to touch any of the food but happily picked up the plastic bowl, dumped the contents and proceeded to bang it on the highchair. Wish me luck!

Does anyone else have a baby with similar quirks? What are your bubs quirks?

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY

It's been awhile since I shared any photos of Cohen so I thought being a  Wednesday,

it was the perfect time to share!