YES, HE'S HERE!

I am so sorry for being the worst blogger in the whole wide world. To be honest, I feel like I have put this blog to sleep and this will probably be my last post. This blog was a godsend through those years of infertility when I needed an outlet to get all those thoughts and feelings down in some shape or form to avoid going crazy. Now with two kids, my spare time is scarce and I tend to use it to do the small things that I take pleasure from, like sipping a hot cup of coffee!

So, with much delay I have great pleasure in introducing you to:

 

Finley Noel

Born 6th December 2012

7lb1oz

 

He is the apple of my eye and now 13 weeks old (time has flown by so very fast!)

 

Cohen is closing in on 2 and such a cheeky wee man and finally walking! He started at 19 months old and is now walking everywhere and such a chatter box (but all in gubberish, who knows what he's talking about!). At this stage he shows no real interest in Finley and tends to ignore him, but hopefully in time when he's a bit more interactive they will become fast friends.

 

Feel very blessed to have these two beautiful boys in my life and thank you so much for the support over the last 3 years! I wish you all well on your own personal journey's and if anyone would like to keep in touch, please let me know!

 

Just before I go, here are a few photos of my wee family.

 

 

 

 

THE REAL WORLD

On Saturday I decided to take a break from the world of Facebook. I now seem to have alot of time on my hands and suddenly I realise just how much my social life revolved around online networking. Not sure if this is a bad thing or not! I guess in some ways it is a good thing because I got the satisfaction of friendships and companionship without having to leave the house (which is harder with a baby than without and with two will be even harder!) but I also realised just how stuck in a rut I had got as now that I am not on Facebook I am just so bored! How sad is that! What did we do with ourselves before the world of social networking opened up? Is it true that due to the convenience of this we have neglected our one on one friendships by staying in touch with the simple click of a 'like' button? I think so. I have realised since deactivating that I actually don't know how to get in touch with some friends outside of the FB world. Once upon a time we communicated via the phone, I can't remember the last time I actually had a phone conversation with a friend and a catch up is sitting in front of a computer chat typing with friends instead of sitting across from a friend with a coffee and having a chat. How the world has changed.

In light of this, I decided it is now time to get out and about as spring approaches and join some of the activities available to mums and bubs while it is still just Cohen and I. So I signed him up to Baby Gym and can't wait to start that with him in 6 weeks time and spend some time with other mums and bubs. Not only will this be good for me, but it will be great for Cohen too. Last year we got out and did alot of walking and catch ups with friends but my morning sickness and the cold and wet winter and people returning to work after maternity leave (myself included) has put that on hold lately as schedules clash. Now the MS has gone and the sun is shining more (not today though, today is miserable!) and I have a double pram on layby to allow me to go out easelessly with two boys in tow. No more excuses. Time to get back out in the real world!

A LONG OVERDUE UPDATE!

I can't believe it is September already. Spring is finally here and summer is just around the corner. Except this summer I will have not only one, but two wee boys! Yep, that's right, baby#2 is another bouncing baby boy! I'm now 25 weeks and 4 days pregnant and honestly feel like I have no idea where the time has gone. I am shocked to see that my last blog entry was way back in June. I have no excuses. So much has happened - we have celebrated Cohen's 1st birthday party and he is now 14 months old! I still can't believe I have a toddler and not a baby any longer. He isn't walking yet, he is a climber instead. Not sure which would make my life easier, a walker (runner!) or a climber! At least I don't have to chase him just yet but removing him from awkward situations that he has climbed his way into is almost as tiresome, not to mention carting him around the place with a big fat pregnant belly! He is HEAVY. A solid 12kg and counting. He is such a joy though and I adore motherhood. Luckily we don't have any issues with teething (he has 8 so far and I haven't even known he was getting any of them except for the red cheeks and then spotting them in his mouth) and he is a brilliant sleeper which is going to help tremendously when our next little man makes an appearance. I have opted to have this baby via another elective c-section so I probably have less than 14 weeks to go. 14 weeks! It is insanely soon and I am excited but petrified at the same time. Both boys will be sharing a room as we only have a two bedroom house so it is certainly going to be a very interesting transition and I am being optimistic for another easy baby (even though people take great pleasure in telling me that every baby is different and that the second one can often be harder *gulp!*).

 

I still struggle with the fact that I went from infertile and needing IVF to conceive and being told we had less than 1% chance of ever having a pregnancy naturally, to conceiving on our own in the course of just 1 and a half years. It is probably partly the reason that I haven't blogged in such a long while as I carry some guilt with it, guilt that there are so many of you still struggling to have a baby and here I am with my IVF miracle and another baby on the way so soon. It took me awhile to come to terms with the idea but now I am excited about it and embracing it as the blessing that it is. Especially now that the morning sickness has gone. I knew this baby was a boy right from the start as the pregnancies have been identical (from the MS kicking in at 6 weeks to the heart rates being the same) so I wasn't surprised to learn he was a boy.

 

2 boys! I'm going to have my hands full!

 

Here is a photo of Cohen taken a couple of weeks ago. Still hard to believe he is mine.

 

 

WE MADE IT TO THE SECOND TRIMESTER!

We made it! I am officially into my second trimester (13w2d to be exact).

We had our 12 week scan last Monday and it was amazing to see that little baby in there, waving away! I still get moments of wondering how the hell this happened (natural I'd assume after all we went through to conceive Cohen, I just don't get HOW this baby came to be when so many things needed to align exactly in order to make it happen, but there was the proof staring at us!). Cohen is such a great distraction that I often forget I am even pregnant (aside from the big belly that has literally popped out and is about the size I was with Cohen at 20 weeks!). I swear my body just went 'Hey, I remember this! POOF!' overnight and there was this big preggy belly. Certainly no hiding it! I have been struggling with morning sickness again with the same intensity as Cohen and suspect I am carrying another boy as the pregnancies have been remarkably similar, right down to this babies heart rate being identical to it's brother at the 12 week scan (spot on 165bpm). Cravings are identical and all! We'll see if I'm right but I would say I am 95% positive we are team blue again.

And here it is! Miracle#2 giving a wave!

IDENTITY CRISIS (AND THANKS!)

First of all, I have to say a huge thank you for all the congratulations. I really appreciate them and I know how hard hearing about 2nd pregnancies can be (especially when you are still in the trenches for #1 or battling secondary infertility yourselves) so thank you for embracing it and offering up your congratulations to me. 

I feel like I have been battling through a bit of an identity crisis the past few weeks and not been able to talk about it because I hadn't announced I was pregnant. I had told a few family and close friends but not stepped outside of the security of that group of people because I feel like I jumped the queue. Like I stole someone else's BFP. That I don't 'deserve' to be pregnant because I didn't have to fight for it. I know this makes utterly no sense and is ridiculous thinking but after being part of the IF world for so long, it is hard to change the conditioning of your thoughts. I identified with being infertile for3 long years of my life and when pregnant with C I was still infertile but a pregnant infertile who battled through the woods to get to where I was. Now I feel like a rip off because we got pregnant without even trying. By having unprotected sex once. By somehow defying all the odds and becoming one of 'those' woman who got pregnant without even trying. 

And I feel bad about it and I feel like I have lost a big part of the person I was. I feel like a big part of my identity has been stolen. 

I am happy to be pregnant but feel like I should have had to work harder to get here.


How ridiculous do I sound? 

I HAVE A CONFESSION ...

I am currently 10 weeks pregnant.

Yes, you read that right. 

It was a HUGE surprise and it took me about a week to adjust to the idea as I was worried that Cohen would miss out on so much with me being pregnant again so soon but now we are thrilled to be adding to our little family. We had our first scan a few weeks ago where I discovered I was further along than I assumed and would have already been 5 weeks pregnant when I eventually tested.


As you may recall, I wrote a post awhile ago about whether we wanted to attempt to try for another baby or not (you can read that post here) and then we made our decision. Well, seems we were too late with that decision to wait awhile longer before TTC again and I ovulated on day 8 of my cycle which was around the one time we didn't use protection since Cohen was born. Fast forward 3 weeks and I was pondering why on day 29, no AF! I had all the usual symptoms of AF being on her way but she just wasn't appearing. Every day since day 26 I was saying to the HG that it still hadn't shown up and every day he would tell me to test, but I kept putting him off and telling him that it was ridiculous to test because there was no way I could be pregnant ... I hadn't even been fertile at the one time of the month we didn't use anything (or so I thought!). Come day 29 though, I gave in and decided to test. I tested and watched the control line appear and walked away telling the HG that I wasn't and having a laugh about even testing (cos we all know those stupid things don't work!). 2 minutes later and I hear the HG going 'Um, babe, you might want to look at this' to which I replied 'Bugger off!'. But sure enough ... 2 lines. And again on the next test that I made the HG go out and buy after discovering the first one was a year out on its expiry date. I spent the rest of the night repeating 'How does this even happen?'.

Seems some Urban Myths can come true and come this Christmas Cohen will be a big brother!

NOTE: Please if you know me IRL on FB, do not say anything as we will not be announcing until after we have had our 12 week scan on the 28th May and know that everything is ok. Thanks.

1ST BIRTHDAY LOOMING

I can't believe it is nearly Cohen's 1st birthday. Next month! Where did the time go! It is a dramatic difference how fast the time flies past me now compared to when we were TTC. This means I need to start thinking about a party! Initially I had planned to have quite a big birthday party for him but I have had a change of heart and decided to just do a smaller afternoon tea with close family and friends so I can concentrate on my little birthday boy rather than trying to entertain the guests. I need to get cracking on organising it and starting to think about the 1st birthday cake! Eek!

Anyone have any ideas on what I could do to make it extra special?