I know this sounds completely melodramatic, but I feel like Cohen doesn't love me anymore. When I go to pick him up from my mother-in-law on the days I'm working, he completely ignores me and avoids my gaze by turning his head any which way as long as he's not looking at me. He gives my mother-in-law and father-in-law these huge smiles but deliberately won't smile at me and it's like this for about 2 hours after I pick him up. It feels like I lose that connection with him and have to work really hard to get it back. I know that it is good that he loves being with her and is really happy but I thought he would at least be happy to see me when I came to collect him, but instead it's like he is oblivious to my presence or ignoring me. Has anyone else experienced this when they have returned to work? I feel a bit down about it all, especially as things started off so well.
It is called the punishment guilt trip and they learn it early!!! He loves you so much he is trying to make you feel bad so you don't go again.
ReplyDeleteDuke mostly collected B from kindy, but when I got home he went nuts. But Cohen is with loving family. It's only been a week, maybe u r reading into it. He sounds to be just a cheeky little boy!!
ReplyDeleteYep, Callum did this to me too and I was so upset by it. I'm not sure why it happened but it occurred on/off for ages. These days he is pretty excited to see me and show me a new picture he drew. I would be interested too to know whether anyone else has experienced this and whether they know why.
ReplyDeleteWe went through this--from about 5-7 months. It was especially hard on me because I did drop off and my husband did pickup. He got the smiles and when I'd get home, I'd get ignored for a bit. It does get better! It just takes time...but boy is it rough on the guilt meter! Stay strong!
ReplyDeleteawww hon. It must be heartbreaking! I am sure he isn't actually ignoring you - he adores you!
ReplyDeleteI can see why it would be heartbreaking! Sounds like it's a common thing from what the other ladies have said, hopefully it's just this transition period and once he realises this is how it is, he might give up and give you some love again. Cheekly monkey...!
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure why I missed this post!
ReplyDeleteThis is what I know about this topic. Babies are pretty much hard-wired to bond with a primary caretaker. Because human babies are so vulnerable, helpless, and dependent, nature has designed that infant babies pretty much be with their mom 24/7.
If you consider that a human baby needs to be breastfed about every two hours, you can see that mom can't really go on a hunting expedition all day. And babies reciprocate this very needy attachment. It's all been designed by Mother Nature to ensure our species' survival.
So fast forward to the modern era where moms do go back to work when jr. is still at the age that Mother Nature would have had him still attached to your hip. But babies are highly adaptable, and so they will bond and attach with whoever cares for him for the majority of the day. He has to. It's for his own emotional health. Healthy attachments in early life are crucial for forming healthy bonds later on.
Add to this, that around six months is the time that separation anxiety may heightened, and your son may experience more preference for your MIL during the week, and then more for you during the weekend.
The good news is that as long as he is forming a healthy attachment to someone, he will eventually grow out of his preference and will come to recognize you more and more as the constant in his life. I've read over and over again that if you have to be at work, it is very important to find a loving, stable caregiver that your child can bond with.
This is why I abhor the daycare centers. They have a revolving door of caregivers & infants could never bond with any one of them because they come and go so quickly.
I know it's difficult. I would try to get in more snuggle time during the evenings and weekends, simply to reconnect and bond.